‘Right. OK. I’ll go and call her.’
‘So did you find fir cones and berries?’
‘Fir cones. Not berries. The birds were all over them, and I thought their need was greater, but I’ve got some greenery. I’ve left it all out here to drip for a bit. Something smells good.’
‘That’s the biscuits.’
‘Mmm. They probably need testing. Did you make spares?’ he asked hopefully.
She shook her head, then relented and smiled at him when he pulled a disappointed face. ‘I’m sure there’ll be breakages.’
He felt his mouth twitch. ‘I’m sure it can be arranged even if there aren’t. Stick the kettle on, I’m starving and I could do with a drink. I’ll go and call my mother and then we can have lunch.’
He went into the study and picked up the phone, listened to the message and rang her. ‘So how is it? Are you cut off, too?’
‘Yes, and your brothers aren’t here, either. They were coming up last night but of course they watched the news and thought better of it. They’re spending Christmas together, though, so they’ll be fine.’
‘So you’ll be alone?’
‘Well, we hope not. We were still hoping you might be able to get out with your Range Rover to collect us.’
‘No chance. It’s head high in the lane and I don’t see it thawing with the weather so cold and clear. We’re going to have to postpone Christmas for days, I’m afraid. It could be ages before they get through here with a snow plough.’
‘Oh, darling, I’m so sorry, how disappointing. And I can’t bear to think of you spending your first Christmas there on your own.’
Except, of course, he wouldn’t be, but there was no way he was telling her that. ‘I’m more worried for you,’ he said, hastily moving the subject on. ‘I don’t know what you’re going to eat, I’ve got all the food here at this end.’
‘Well, don’t try and keep it. Just have it and enjoy it and we’ll worry about restocking later. At least it’s only us, and I’m sure I’ve got things in the freezer. We’ll be fine, but be careful with all that food at yours and freeze anything you can’t use in time. You don’t want to get food poisoning eating it past its use-by date—’
‘Mum,’ he said warningly, and she sighed.
‘Sorry, but you can’t stop me worrying about you. Big as you are, you’re still my son.’
If only that was true, he thought with a pang, but he didn’t go there because he knew that in every way that mattered, he was. Well, his heart knew that, and now, after all these years, he was finally able to accept it. His head, though—that still wanted answers—
He heard a noise and realised that Josh had followed him into the study and was crawling around on the floor with the stapler vrooming again, and he swivelled the chair round and watched him out of the corner of his eye while he listened to his mother making alternative plans and telling him how they were going to get together with the neighbours and it would all be fine, and they’d see him soon.
And then Josh stood up under the desk and banged his head, and started to cry.
‘Hang on.’ He dropped the phone and scooped Josh up into his arms, cross with himself for not anticipating it so that now Josh was hurt, and cross with Georgia for letting him out of her sight so that it could happen in the first place.
And he was hurt. Real tears were welling in his eyes, and without thinking Sebastian sat back in his chair, cuddled him close and kissed his head better, murmuring reassurance. Josh snuggled into him, sniffing a little, and from the phone on the desk he could hear his mother’s tinny voice saying, ‘Sebastian? Sebastian, whose child is that?’
Why hadn’t he just hung up? But he hadn’t, and there was no way round this. He picked up the receiver with a sigh and prepared himself for an earbashing.
‘It’s Georgia Becket’s little boy—’
‘Georgie’s? I didn’t know you were seeing her! How long’s this been going on?’
‘It’s not. It isn’t,’ he told her hastily. ‘She was on her way home for Christmas yesterday afternoon and the other road was blocked so she tried the short cut and got stuck outside the gates. And it was almost dark, so the obvious thing to do was let them stay. I was going to take her home today, but the weather rather messed that up so we’re just making the best of it, really.’
Shut up! Too much information. Stop talking!
But then of course his mother started again.
‘Oh, Sebastian! Well, thank goodness you were there! Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t been—it doesn’t bear thinking about, her and her little boy—’
‘Well, I was here, so it’s fine, and it’s only till the snow clears so don’t get excited.’
‘I’m not excited. I’m just concerned for her. How is she? That poor girl’s been through so much—’
‘She’s fine,’ he said shortly, and then added, ‘She’s making gingerbread decorations for the tree at the moment.’
Why? Why had he told her that? It sounded so cosy and domesticated and just plain happy families, and his mother latched onto it like a terrier.
‘Oh, how lovely! She always was a clever girl. She was so good for you—I never did understand why you let her go, but you were behaving so oddly then, I expect you just drove her away. I don’t suppose you ever talked to her, explained anything?’
He said nothing. He didn’t need to. His mother was on a roll.
‘No, of course you didn’t. You weren’t talking to anyone at that time, least of all us.’ She sighed. ‘I wish we’d told you sooner. We should have done.’
‘You should.’
His voice was harsh, and he heard her suck in her breath. ‘Well, whatever, you be nice to her. Don’t you dare hurt her again, Sebastian, she doesn’t deserve it. And—try talking to her. Tell her what was going on then, how you were feeling about the adoption and everything. How you still feel. I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s a lovely girl and it would be wonderful if you got back together. I’d love to see you happy, and that poor little boy of hers...’
He swallowed hard, pressing his lips briefly to Josh’s dark, glossy hair. ‘Well, you can put all that out of your head. It’s over. It was over years ago, and it’s just not going to happen. Look, I’ll give you a call when I know more, but in the meantime you take care and don’t let Dad overdo it shovelling snow. I know what he’s like about clearing the drive.’
‘I’ll pass it on, but I can’t guarantee he’ll listen. And I’m sorry we aren’t going to be with you, but I’m really glad Georgie is. And her little boy. You’ll have so much fun together. How old is he?’
‘Two. He’s two—well, two and a bit.’ The same age I was...
His mother sucked in a breath. ‘Oh, Sebastian! He’s going to love it! I remember your first Christmas with us—’
‘Mum, I’ve got to go. I’m expecting a call. I’ll ring you tomorrow.’
He ended the call abruptly and put the phone down, and then swivelled the chair to find Georgie standing there watching him thoughtfully.
‘What’s not going to happen?’
‘Us,’ he said shortly, and put Josh back on his feet. ‘What can I do for you?’
She could think of a million things, none of which he’d want to hear and all of them