His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Tracy looked through the back window to make sure the children were all right.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on them,” he murmured, reading her mind again. Of course he had. He had a handle on everything, inspiring confidence in everyone, old or young.
“I don’t want Johnny to be afraid to reach out for his dreams for fear of leaving me on my own. He’s especially aware of it since learning I lost my parents at eighteen. Sometimes he shows signs of being overly protective. A few months ago he told me he would never leave me and planned to take care of me all my life.”
“There’s a sweetness in that boy.”
“Don’t I know it, but I refuse to exploit it. That’s one of the main reasons why I decided to accept your invitation to come to the ranch. If I don’t help him to live life the way he should, then I’m failing as a mother. You and your friends have done a greater service for our family than you can possibly imagine. I know I said this before. You were inspired, and I—I’m indebted to you.” Her voice caught.
He sat back in the seat. “After so much heartache, do you have any idea how much I admire you for carrying on? Tell me something. How did you continue to function after your parents were killed? I can’t imagine losing them both at the same time.”
“We had fantastic neighbors and friends at our church. Between them and my close friends, they became my support group and helped me while I was in college. Then I met Tony and was swept into his family.”
He cast her a glance. “Swept off your feet, too?”
She nodded. “Natalie, my sister-in-law who’s married to Joe, one of the out-of-favor police officers in the family, has become my closest friend. They have an eight-year-old son, Cory, who gets along famously with Johnny. I’ve been very blessed, so I can’t complain.”
After a silence Carson said, “What’s the other reason you decided to accept our offer?”
“To be honest, I was becoming as much of a recluse as Johnny.” She told him about the Mother’s Day flower. “Your letter jerked me out of the limbo I’d been wallowing in. Once I caught sight of the Tetons in the brochure, I lost my breath. Like your stomach that flew around in the air for a week after your first flight with your grandpa, I haven’t been able to get my breath back since.”
“After a visit to the Tetons, some people remain in that state.”
“Especially you, who came home from war struggling for yours. You and your friends have paid a heavy price. I admire you more than you know.”
She’d been struggling, too, but it was from trying to keep her distance from him, which was turning out to be impossible. Tracy didn’t understand everything going on inside him, but she realized that keeping her distance from him would be the wrong thing to do at the moment. Johnny was beginning to thrive. In a strange way she recognized they were all emotionally crippled because of the war and needed each other to get stronger.
“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why isn’t there a Mrs. Lundgren?”
“You wouldn’t like to hear the truth.”
“Try me.”
“The psychiatrist at the hospital did an evaluation on all of us. That was his first question to me. When I told him I preferred new adventures to being tied down, he told me I was an angry man.”
“Angry—you?”
Carson laughed. “That was my response, too. He told me that was a crock. He said I’d been angry all my life because my parents died. That anger took the form of flight, whether it was sports, travel, the military. He said I was too angry to settle down. But with this illness that cramped my style, it was time I came to grips with it and let it go, or I’d self-destruct.”
“And have you let it go?”
“I’m trying, but when I think of what I did to my grandfather, I can’t forgive myself. There’s so much I’ve wanted to say to him.”
“Don’t you think he knew why you were struggling? Did he ever try to talk to you about it?”
“Thousands of times, but I always told him we’d talk later. Of course that never happened. Then the opportunity was gone.”
“As my in-laws used to tell me when I wallowed in grief over my parents’ death, ‘You’ll be together in heaven and can talk everything over then, Tracy.’ I’ve come to believe that. One day you’ll have that talk with your grandfather.”
“I’d like to believe it, but you’ve got more faith than I have.”
Tracy sat there, pained for him and unable to do anything about it. Quiet reigned inside the cab as they drove through the sage. The children, on the other hand, were whooping it up, firing their cap guns. Johnny was becoming her exuberant child again. She had to pray it wasn’t solely because of Carson.
The Harris family couldn’t have come to the ranch at a better time. Tracy would involve them in as many activities as possible, because every new distraction helped.
As they drove around to the front of the ranch house, a cowboy with an impressive physique whom she hadn’t seen before stood talking to some guests. He had to be the third ex-marine.
The moment he saw Carson, he left them and walked over to the truck. He removed his hat and peered in his friend’s open window, allowing his green eyes to take her in. He wore his curly light-brown hair longer than the other two men and was every bit as attractive.
“Welcome to the ranch, Mrs. Baretta. We’ve been looking forward to your visit.” His remark ended with the usual cough. The sound of it wounded Tracy because she knew at what cost they’d served their country.
“Tracy? This is Buck Summerhays. Now you’ve met all three amigos.”
“It’s a privilege, Mr. Summerhays. Johnny and I can’t thank you enough for making us so welcome.”
“The honor of meeting Tony Baretta’s family is ours. Call me Buck.”
Carson opened the door. “Come on. I want you to meet Johnny and the other two children.”
While he got out, Tracy hurriedly opened her door and jumped down, not wanting any assistance. Everyone congregated at the rear of the truck. The men helped the children down, and Carson made the introductions.
Buck shut the tailgate before turning to everyone. “Where have you dudes been?”
“To see the cows,” Sam spoke up.
Rachel nodded. “Next time we’re going to look for calves with blue eyes. Carson’s going to give us a prize if we find one.”
His lips twitched. “Is that so.” His gaze fell on Johnny. “Now that you’ve been to the pasture, what do you want to do this afternoon after lunch?”
“I’d like to ride Goldie some more.”
“Who’s that?”
“My pony.”
“Ah.” His twinkling eyes sent Carson a silent message. “I was thinking I’d take you guys on a float trip down the river.”
“That sounds exciting,” Tracy intervened. “How about we all do that with Buck? After dinner you can have another horseback ride before bed.”
“Yeah!”
Johnny wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as the other two, but he didn’t put up an argument for which she was thankful. “Then come on. Let’s go in and wash our hands really well. After that we’ll find your parents and eat.” She herded