‘I’m sorry. I should have been clearer before now.’ Rachel took another step away and leant back against one of Leo’s workbenches to steady herself. ‘I enjoy your company, and I’m glad we’re getting to know one another. I hope that we can be friends. But that’s all that’s on the table—friendship.’
Leo’s hands dug into his pockets and he watched her from under heavy brows. ‘You enjoy my company?’ She could sense embarrassment washing over her features at the slow, deliberate way he spoke the words, conjuring memories of every pleasurable moment of their first and only night together.
His voice was low and gravelly as he spoke again. ‘I would have thought a decision as important as that would have been in your plan.’
She opened her mouth to tell him that if he’d made it to the last page, he would have seen, would have known that it was. But he obviously read her expression too well and finally lost his serious look, bursting into an unexpected laugh.
‘You did! You wrote “no sex” into the plan. You astound me, Rachel, honestly.’ Except he looked more amused than astounded, what with the laughing and everything.
‘It’s important to know where we stand,’ she told him, a little offended, if she was honest, that he could laugh so soon after their aborted kiss.
‘Well, consider me well informed.’
Shouldn’t he be a bit more...disappointed? Rachel thought as Leo walked over to the other side of the studio and started sorting through a stack of driftwood and bric-a-brac in one corner. It didn’t make sense, the hollow, sinking feeling in her belly. Because a purely platonic relationship was exactly what she’d wanted. But Leo’s easy acceptance of her rejection was as good as a rejection in itself.
‘Here they are. I knew there were a couple in here.’ From the pile he pulled two glass bottles, similar to the one she’d just plucked from the beach. ‘They look nice together, don’t you think? Perhaps for the windowsill in your room?’
He lined them up on the bench, but she was more interested in why he’d been so keen to walk away from that kiss. He was the one who’d started it, wasn’t he?
‘So you’re happy to just be friends. You’re not interested in anything more.’ She tried to keep the words casual. To show only the friendly interest her head told her was reasonable, and not the roiling discomfort her heart demanded. ‘Because I think if there’s anything we need to talk about, we should do it now.’
The smile actually dropped from his face, and he looked a little worried, she realised.
‘“More” is an interesting concept.’
Interesting? Of all the words she would use to describe what happened when they went for ‘more’, interesting would not be high on her list.
‘If “more” is another night like that one back at your place, then I’m all for “more”. As much “more” as is on offer.’
She actually felt her cheeks warm again—she’d not blushed like this since she was a girl.
‘But I suspect that for you, “more” is something, well...more than that. If we can’t do one without the other, then you’re right. Friends is best.’
And again with the sinking disappointment. So he wouldn’t mind more sex, but he didn’t want a relationship with her. Well, then, they were in perfect agreement.
‘Back to the house?’ she asked, faking a jollity she didn’t feel. ‘My train’s in an hour, so I probably need to make a move.’
‘Of course. Don’t forget your bottles.’ She scooped up the antique glass and with a last look at the sculpture in the centre of room, she swept out.
‘What’s the hurry?’ Leo jogged up the path behind her, lagging behind because he’d had to lock up the studio.
‘Oh, I didn’t realise I was.’ A lie, of course. Because much as she knew that she couldn’t allow herself to want a relationship with Leo, as much as the thought of being involved with someone who was happy to live with no roof till the right tiles came along filled her with dread, she still wanted a little time and space to lick her wounds. Just because she’d decided not to want him didn’t mean she didn’t want him to want her—however ridiculous that might be.
As they turned the corner and the house came into view, the sight of it made her feel better and worse at the same time.
‘So the roof,’ she said, as Leo overtook her along the path and held out a hand to help her over a small crop of rocks. ‘Is there a...?’
‘A plan?’
‘Yes.’
‘No.’
Not exactly what she wanted to hear. No, she didn’t technically get a say in how he wanted to renovate his home. But if she were to come back here—and they were having a baby, how could she not?—it would be nice if the place was watertight. And there would be a baby before next summer. She was reassessing the way she made decisions, the way she relied on her plans, but was it unreasonable to expect that there might be a roof to sleep under?
‘Don’t worry, Rachel. The roof should be done any time now. I can absolutely promise it’ll be finished by the next time you visit. The floor, too.’
She laughed, though still wasn’t convinced. ‘Sounds like luxury. So...I’ll see you in London in a couple of weeks, for the scan? Do you want me to book you a hotel? I don’t have a guest room. But you’re welcome to my couch.’
‘Don’t worry; I’ll sort somewhere to stay.’
‘Are you sure? Because I—’
‘I don’t need you to organise anything. Relax. I’ll take care of it. Do you want a lift to the station?’
‘Oh, no need. I’ve already arranged a cab.’
He gave her a smile she wasn’t sure how to interpret. ‘Of course you have.’
‘SO THIS “NO-SEX” THING. Remind me again, what kind of a rule are we talking about—a law, guideline or EU directive?’
Rachel shot Laura a look over her decaf Americano. It still took her by surprise sometimes that her slight, quiet, almost mousy best friend could cut to the chase quite so sharply. Laura had been thrilled for Rachel when she’d seen how happy she was about the baby, but too fascinated by far by her relationship with the father. ‘Why are you bringing this up now? It’s whichever one of those means that it’s not happening. Ever.’
‘I’m bringing this up because I’m about to meet him for the first time and you still fancy him.’
She took a couple of deep breaths, until she was sure she could speak impassively. ‘He is quite attractive.’
Laura rolled her eyes. ‘He got you home from that party. I’m willing to put money on him being pretty special.’
Okay, so she was crazy to think she could pull the wool over her best friend’s eyes. ‘He’s gorgeous, all right. I freely admit that he’s gorgeous. But that wasn’t why...’ She trailed off, not wanting to incriminate herself by admitting to anything other than the most carnal feelings about Leo.
She glanced at her phone again, wondering what was taking him so long. All he had to do was show up. How hard could it be? So hard that the last time they’d had a scan appointment he’d called with a barrelful of excuses and then missed the first look at their baby.
With ten minutes to go before their previous appointment, she’d hit redial again and again. Voicemail. It had gone straight through to his messages