Grayson had been a regular fussbudget earlier when Cole had allowed each of his neighbors the opportunity to hold the baby. He’d howled and wailed and protested with his little fists until he was once again in the comfort and security of his daddy’s arms.
But with Tessa, Grayson was an entirely different child. Cole’s throat tightened until he couldn’t catch a breath as his son babbled happily at Tessa, perfectly at ease in her arms. When Tessa smiled at Grayson, the baby beamed back at her, and the ache in Cole’s chest deepened. Grayson had smiled for Tessa with no more than her little bit of coaxing. Cole wished it was easier to get that kind of response from his son. He felt as if he had to work for every little thing, and it all seemed to come so easy for Tessa. A natural mother if there ever was one.
Jealousy snapped and burned in Cole’s gut. That smile was supposed to be for him. Whether or not she’d meant to, she’d stolen something from him, and he could barely withhold his frustration.
“Well, would you look at that,” Jo said, leaning over Tessa’s shoulder so she could get a better look at Grayson. “The little fellow has really taken to you, Tessa. You were born to be a mother, my dear. You’ll make a great one someday.”
So she wasn’t yet a mother? Until this moment, he’d been so caught up in his own problems that it hadn’t even occurred to him other things might have changed during his time away from Serendipity. He surreptitiously glanced at Tessa’s left hand.
No ring.
Not that it mattered if she was married or not. The point was that she hadn’t wanted to be married to him.
Cole didn’t miss the cringe that rippled across Tessa’s shoulders at Jo’s words, or the frown that pursed her full lips as her panicked gaze flashed from Cole to the fellow she’d come in with. Her expression lasted only for a split second, and she recovered nicely with a smile that probably fooled nearly everyone in the room. It didn’t work on Cole, though.
Her guy friend seemed to think a grin and a wink would solve her problems.
Cole knew better.
Even after all these years, he could read Tessa like a book. Every happy smile, heartrending frown, radiant beam of joy and scowl of frustration. And while Cole knew she was genuinely enjoying her interactions with Grayson, the rest of it was all an act. She didn’t want to be here any more than he wanted her to be.
They were at the mother of all standoffs, unable to back down even if they wanted to. Living in the same small town. Working at the same ranch. The never-ending possibility of being thrown together at social events.
Would it ever get any easier for him to be around her? Would he ever not hurt when he looked at her?
The plethora of emotions he was experiencing today, battling through him with a vengeance, were just as mercilessly and excruciatingly painful as they had been when he’d first seen Tessa in the Haddons’ office. It was all he could do to stay put and keep his game face on. Pretty much every nerve in his body was screaming to snatch Grayson up and head for the hills as fast as his legs would carry him.
That ought to set tongues to wagging.
Tessa had broken his heart so completely that he had burned through the stages of grief not once, but every single year since that day. For years, the first Saturday of June had tortured him with memories—only now it was far worse than just a recollection.
Tessa was sitting there alive and in person, right in line with his gaze, rocking his baby, looking exactly the way he’d always pictured she would when they started a family together.
Jo was right. Tessa was a natural mama if there ever was one—but then, Cole had always known she would be.
Only Grayson wasn’t her baby.
And Cole couldn’t stand one more second of this torture. He had to get out now, before his emotions got the better of him. Because the only thing worse than what he was feeling right now would be for Tessa—not to mention the whole community gathered around him—to see just how far he had fallen.
“Time to give my little cowboy a diaper change,” he muttered. Anything to get the baby out of Tessa’s arms. He reached for Grayson, intending to make a quick exit, but Jo was too fast for him.
“Now wait just one moment, dear. I’m ashamed to say we don’t yet have a portable changing table in the men’s restroom. Never even gave it a second thought until now. I promise y’all that particular item has just been bumped to the top of my to-do list.”
“Oh. I—uh—” After seven weeks he would have thought he could work out simple issues like this, but he kept stumbling upon new ones. Where did a single man change a baby’s diaper in a small-town café?
During the first few weeks, when he’d been settling the legal paperwork between him and the baby’s mother, he’d lodged with a navy buddy, Emilio Gonzalez, and his wife, Ella. He’d appreciated spending time with Ella, who was an experienced mother of six and a wonderful, patient teacher. Having a woman’s touch around was invaluable, in more ways than he cared to count. Truthfully, he’d let poor Ella do much of the work. He realized in hindsight that he should have been throwing himself into learning the ropes as he had in the navy. Watching and doing were hardly the same thing.
Cole sighed inwardly. Grayson would be better off if he had a woman’s influence in his life, and Cole silently acknowledged that he needed the help. But that was not reality for him and Grayson, and it might not ever be. He was on his own, and he’d never felt as powerless as he did in that moment, with everyone’s eyes on him.
A little help here, Lord, he prayed silently.
“You don’t have to leave on account of Gray’s diaper,” Jo assured him. “The ladies’ room is fully equipped. Tessa, would you do the honors? Where’s your diaper bag, son?” She directed her first question to Tessa and her second to Cole. Her eyes were sparkling with mischief and Cole cringed. Good ol’ Jo, ever the matchmaker.
He pointed to the giraffe-print bag on a nearby table. Jo dug through the bag for a diaper and wipes while Cole shifted his gaze to Tessa. She looked like a cornered wild animal, her eyes darting around the room as if looking for a quick way to escape.
In any other situation, he might have found the whole thing amusing, but there was not one single thing funny about having to share breathing space with Tessa, much less having her commandeer his baby, even if it was only for a diaper change.
“You’ve never changed a baby before?” he guessed, his lips quirking. Even on her worst day, she couldn’t be half as inept as he’d been his first few go-rounds, but he would shoot himself before he ever admitted that aloud.
Her auburn eyebrows hit her hairline. “It...it’s not that. I don’t mind changing Grayson for you. I’ve had my fair share of experience handling babies now and again. I was just wondering—that is—is your wife around? I don’t think we’ve met.”
Of course. Tessa didn’t know he wasn’t married. He’d hoped that particular tidbit would make its way around town and he’d never have to encounter that question. It was just like Tessa to have avoided the gossip. He wondered what people were saying, exactly. Folks were going to make all the wrong assumptions unless he set them straight. In a down-home, conservative little Texas town like Serendipity, things were done right and in the proper order.
First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
Only that’s not how it had been for Cole. To his everlasting shame, Grayson wasn’t the product of love or marriage. That didn’t mean Cole didn’t love his son with all his heart. Grayson was far and away the biggest blessing God had ever given him. He had such awe and wonder about this new little human being. The curve of Grayson’s ears,