Adele Martin was a tiny, elfin-looking woman who’d been so much more than her fiancé’s mother or Laura’s future mother-in-law. Laura loved her. But looking at her now, so upset, Laura admitted she didn’t really know her at all. Laura was taken aback by Mrs. Martin’s rage.
“You have no idea how hard a parent will fight for a child, for a miracle,” Jay’s mother said. “I’m not giving up on my son just because you have.”
“Mrs. Martin, I haven’t given up on anything.” Nothing except her heart…her dreams. “I—”
“Get out, Laura. Go. My husband and I will look after Jay. We don’t need you here.”
Laura stared at the woman—the woman who’d asked her to call her Mom. Laura recalled laughing and telling Adele, After the wedding, when it’s official. When she’d said those words, she’d planned on a life with Jay, and his parents becoming her parents. Finally, after years of being on her own, she’d belong to someone—to a family. She could still see the fragments of that imagined future. And the knowledge that it would never happen was crushing.
Her heart broke as she pushed back the chair and stood, facing the Martins. She knew there wasn’t anything left she could do for Jay except honor this one last request and she didn’t have the power to do it. “He didn’t want this.”
She leaned down and kissed his still-warm cheek. It would be so easy to deceive herself. To watch the machine and believe its lie—believe that Jay was there and that somehow they’d still have a life together.
Filled with sorrow, she said goodbye to the family she’d hoped to belong to, then turned and walked from the room.
Laura realized that the idea of the family she’d wanted was an illusion.
But this baby growing inside her—her child and Jay’s—was the reality. And the family she’d build with the baby would be real, too.
CHAPTER ONE
LAURA WATSON COULDN’T SAY being in Erie City Hall was the last place on earth she wanted to go, but it was close. Actually, the last place was the warren of offices nestled in the back of the building.
Her long brown coat fluttered against her pants as she strode down the hall, thankful at least to be out of the November cold. Erie, Pennsylvania, was set on the edge of the Great Lake that shared its name. Winter hit early and hard as the cold Canadian air blew across the lake’s open water. She reached the police department’s door and gripped the handle a little too tightly, a little too long, before pulling the heavy door open.
She could do this.
The baby in her stomach kicked, as if in agreement, affirming that she could. Reminding her that she wasn’t alone.
Laura rested her hand on the top of her huge stomach. It now stretched her coat to its capacity. She only had four or five weeks left of her pregnancy, but already she was missing knowing that her baby would be with her always, and always safe.
She knew that life was uncertain. Once her baby was born, there were so many things that could go wrong, both physically and emotionally. She could do everything in her power to protect him or her, but in the end, her best might not be good enough.
The image of Jay in that hospital bed flashed through her mind as it had daily these last six months.
She pushed the image aside. Right now she had to focus on other things.
Laura made her way into the small anteroom. There was a counter with a glass barrier separating her from those on duty.
“Can I help you?” The woman at the desk closest to the counter got up and moved toward her.
Laura felt a wave of gratitude that she didn’t know the clerk. Maybe her luck would hold out and she wouldn’t see anyone she knew. Most of patrol would be out on the street, and she didn’t know many of the support staff. “I’m here about Jillian Thomas.”
The woman consulted a file in front of her, and then looked up at Laura. “Are you her mother?”
Laura shook her head. “No, I’m her teacher. Her mom’s on her way, but JT—Jillian—asked me to come down and wait with her. I suspect she’s afraid.”
The clerk nodded and smiled sympathetically. “I suspect that you’re right. Let me get someone to show you where she is.”
Laura noticed the wall of pictures. Fallen officers. Her stomach twisted in knots for the families they’d left behind. Jay might not have died in the line of duty, but she knew the pain of losing someone. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
She’d spent hours trying to remember every detail of their last night together. Jay had been on third shift, which meant he didn’t have to be into work until ten at night. They’d had dinner together. Spaghetti. She’d pulled out her wedding file and showed him her seating chart and they’d talked about the ceremony they’d advanced because of the baby. They were to be married in two weeks.
She’d told him about the doctor’s appointment that day, and they talked about going out with friends. They’d talked about childbirth and parenting classes.
A little before ten, he’d kissed her goodbye. She’d tried to remember exactly what time, but couldn’t. And the fact that she couldn’t bothered her. She knew it was probably about nine-thirty. That’s the time he generally left. But was it nine twenty-nine or nine thirty-one? She should know. She should be able to remember.
Jay had kissed her, but he’d never mentioned a headache, or not feeling well. That was the next morning when he’d come home.
That last night had been normal. A prelude of all the nights they anticipated having together.
Years. Decades worth of nights like that. Of dinners and conversations about little bits of nothing. A chance to reconnect and share their lives—even the most trivial parts—at the end of the day.
Fate had stolen her lifetime of moments with Jay.
“Miss?” A male officer with very short light brown hair and a nice smile opened the door to the right of the reception desk.
Laura felt an immediate wave of relief. She didn’t know this officer, either. He looked familiar in a vague sort of way. Maybe she’d seen him at the police picnic, or maybe she’d spotted him last April when Jay’s car had been in the shop and she’d driven him to work for a week. Or maybe she recognized him from the long line of officers who had filed into the funeral home to pay their last respects to Jay and his family. But whoever he was, he wasn’t anyone she knew. He wasn’t one of Jay’s good friends.
“Hi—” she glanced at the bars on his uniform “—Lieutenant. I’m here about Jillian Thomas.”
The officer was maybe three or four inches taller than her and the military cut of his hair might have made him look severe if it wasn’t for his eyes. They were a sort of golden-brown that softened the hard lines of his face. Right now, those eyes were staring at her, as if weighing her up, and Laura found herself wondering what he was thinking.
He didn’t say, he simply finished his assessment, nodded and said, “Right. You’re her teacher?”
“Yes. Her mom’s coming, but JT asked me to be here and wait with her. I wasn’t sure if you’d allow me to see her, or not, but I promised I’d come.”
“We don’t normally allow people to do so, other than the parents, but if you don’t tell, I won’t. This way.” He smiled as he held a door for her. “I’m Seth. Lieutenant Seth Keller.”
“Laura Watson,” she replied. His name sounded familiar, but Laura still couldn’t place it and for that, she was grateful.
“I’m the new liaison between the department and the school district,” he said, answering