She’d already eaten enough cake to make her stomach ache earlier in the day, yet her brain was trying to tell her she was ready for more comfort food already.
Sarah spun around with a plate in each hand before dropping one with a smash to the floor.
“Nate!” She’d run smack-bang into him, the plates bumping straight into his chest.
He bent to scoop up the fallen slice of cake with one hand, the other collecting what was left of the broken plate.
“I’m sorry, I …” Sarah didn’t know what to say, so she put the other plate on the counter and bent down, too, picking up the smaller fragments.
Nate’s hand hovered close to hers, so close she wished he’d touch her, to feel his fingers against her skin. Like a drug she’d long given up but was so overwhelmingly tempted to consume again.
“Everything okay in there?”
“Fine,” Nate called back to his sister.
Only Sarah wasn’t so sure things were fine. Her heart was beating hard and fast, and her stomach was flipping at a rapid rate. She held the broken pieces of plate in her hands before braving a glance at Nate, and finding him looking straight back at her. His blue eyes icy as he stared.
“Sarah.” He stated her name, like he wanted to say something else but couldn’t figure out what or how to go about it.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Sarah’s question came out as a whisper.
“Now?”
She nodded. Nate plopped the cake on the remainder of the plate he held and offered her his arm, careful to keep his sticky cake fingers away from her. Sarah accepted his help but didn’t look him in the eye again. Didn’t connect with him or touch him in any other way, because she was starting to feel so out of her depths, so weak, that she was terrified.
They both rinsed and dried their hands in silence.
“Jess, we’re going for a walk,” Nate told his sister, calling out but not moving. “Be back soon.”
Sarah followed his lead, heading out the back door. And when his fingers brushed hers, the most gentle of touches as they walked together, hands hanging at their sides, she didn’t pull away. They curled against her own, fingers so close to interlinking they were halfway to holding hands, before the moment was over and she was left with a shiver crossing her shoulders as the wind touched her bare skin instead.
CHAPTER FOUR
NATE buried his hands deep in his pockets to avoid doing anything with them he’d regret. What was he thinking, reaching out to Sarah like that? He hadn’t just come home to his sweetheart and he needed to remember it. But the pull toward the woman beside him was almost impossible to ignore.
“I’m sorry if I ruined your night.”
Sarah’s softly spoken words made Nate stop walking. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She wrapped her arms around herself, like she was trying to shield her body from danger. “When I arrived and saw you there, I don’t know … it just felt like I was intruding. And I know you haven’t seen much of your family since you’ve been home.”
Nate started to walk again. He didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to talk about his feelings, or why he was so distant with his family, or how conflicted he felt being here with her right now. Or why it somehow felt right, either.
Because the truth was he was still angry with Sarah. Even though he knew he’d played his part in what had happened, that he’d been the one to end things, she’d taken a piece of him when she’d married Todd.
Just like Jimmy’s death had taken a piece of him, and his parents’ dying had smashed away another chunk that would never grow back.
He was a broken man and he knew it.
“No one seems to realize what I’ve been through, Sarah, and that makes it kind of hard to relax around here.” Nate looked away, wondering if he shouldn’t have been quite so honest. “I don’t feel like I fit in anymore, that I’m part of anything that’s happening here now.”
Sarah didn’t give him time to think about it. She was at his side, hand clasped around his wrist, tugging him around. Not letting him continue.
“How can they know anything about what you’ve been through if you don’t explain that to them?” she asked, her voice low.
He wished he wasn’t staring into her eyes, wished he could ignore what she was saying and walk away, but he couldn’t.
“Sarah, I can’t go there,” he told her, his voice rough with the honesty of his words.
She didn’t break eye contact with him. “Can’t or won’t, Nate?”
Nate faltered, a lump of emotion forming in his throat and threatening to choke him. “What happened over there, what I’ve …” He stopped talking as abruptly as he’d started. “I’m sorry.”
Nate walked away, because he didn’t need anyone seeing him like this, seeing the way he couldn’t deal with what was going on in his own head. Didn’t need to relive what had happened, not again. He already did that every time he shut his eyes.
“Nate.” Sarah was in front of him again, blocking his path, the gentle way she said his name making him turn.
Then she did something he really hadn’t seen coming. She thrust her arms around his neck, pulling him in tight for an embrace he was powerless to evade. Held him like he hadn’t been held since the last time he’d seen his mom, the kind of hug that forced his body to relax and be comforted. The kind of hug that would once have made him feel loved.
“You’re home, Nate,” she whispered in his ear. “You’re home and you need to remember that. Home is where the heart is, and that’s right here on this ranch with your family.”
He didn’t know if it was the smell or feel of Sarah in his arms, the safeness of being cocooned by her, or just being held by another human being, but Nate was fighting a losing battle.
When she tipped back, looked up at him for the briefest of moments before pulling away, he did something he’d thought about for longer than he could remember. Something that he’d never forgotten, a memory he’d never let go.
Nate reached out to stop her, his palm tucked to the back of her head, holding her in place. And then he kissed her. Brought his mouth toward hers before she had a second to see it coming, to resist him, and touched his lips to hers.
Sarah sighed into his mouth, slipped her hands around his waist, pillowy lips brushing like the softest of feathers against his. Mouths grazing together in the most gentle, intimate of dances. Until she pulled back like she’d only just realized what had happened.
“This doesn’t mean I forgive you,” Sarah said in a low voice, slowly removing her hands from his waist and crossing her arms across her chest instead.
Nate swallowed hard and looked down at Sarah. She looked tiny yet brave at the same time, stronger than he’d probably ever given her credit for. He wished he could snatch her hands back and plant them on his hips again, but he fisted his own hands at his sides instead.
“For the record, I don’t forgive you, either.” And he didn’t, it was true. Forgiving her or not had nothing to do with kissing her. That was something he’d needed to do, and it had sure taken his mind off everything else that had been troubling him.
“I think we should head back,” Sarah told him, angling with her head over at Jess’s house. They had walked a short distance away, but