Cam glanced at the closed door, then at Ashley. “Did I say something wrong?”
She didn’t smile at his attempted humor. “Not yet.”
He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just came over to apologize.”
“What, exactly, are you apologizing for?”
“For not telling you that I had a child.”
She lifted a shoulder. “You don’t owe me any apologies, Cam.”
“I didn’t mean to blindside you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” he insisted. “Maybe I figured you would have heard about Maddie a long time ago, but I shouldn’t have counted on that, and I should have given you the courtesy of an explanation.”
“No explanation required. You dumped me, met someone else, got married, had a child.”
“It wasn’t quite that simple.”
“I’d say it was exactly that simple.”
“I’m not going to apologize for not wanting what you did when I was nineteen,” Cam said. “Because any nineteen-year-old who wants to marry his high school sweetheart is either blinded by lust or completely without ambition. I’d apologize for hurting you because I was insensitive jerk, but I’ve already done that and I’m tired of trekking down the same path.”
“Then you can just follow the path right back to your own house,” she said coldly.
He shook his head. “That would be the easy way, and I’m not taking the easy way again.”
“It’s a way out,” she said. “And that’s all you ever wanted.”
“Wrong. I wanted you, Ashley. I wanted you a hell of a lot more than I should have at that age, and it terrified me.”
“Obviously you got over it.”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But that’s the real bitch of it—because I never did.”
“You married another woman. Had a child with another woman.” Her voice hitched, and she hated him for it. Hated him for the pain she felt every time she thought about the baby he’d given to someone else.
Cam lowered himself into the chair that Paige had vacated. “I married Danica because I thought we wanted the same things. By the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late. We were married, she was pregnant, and even knowing our marriage was a mistake, I wouldn’t wish it away for anything in the world because I got Maddie out of it.”
Ashley looked away. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family, and you ran as far and as fast as you could from me because you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment.”
“Twelve years ago, I wasn’t ready,” he agreed, then smiled wryly. “There are still days that I’m not ready, but Madeline doesn’t really give me a choice in the matter.”
Ashley didn’t smile back, but she did ask, “So how did you end up with custody?”
Cam realized he should have been prepared for the question; Ashley certainly wasn’t the first person to ask it. Because although the courts no longer awarded custody to mothers as a matter of course and shared custody arrangements were increasingly popular, it was still somewhat unusual for a father to be granted primary care of a child.
He’d always felt awkward explaining the situation, and he’d resented having to make excuses for what he’d believed for so long was simply his ex-wife’s disinterest. He knew differently now, but he still didn’t know how to make anyone else understand without sharing secrets that weren’t his to share.
“Staying with me offered Madeline more stability,” he finally responded to Ashley’s question. “Especially since Danica was already planning to move to London.”
Ashley frowned as she sipped her wine. “And she was okay with that arrangement? She just moved to another continent and left her child behind?”
“We agreed it was best for Maddie.”
“Does Maddie see her very often?”
“Not as often, or as consistently, as I’d like,” he admitted. “But she did spend the last month of her summer vacation in London with her.”
“So why didn’t you mention your daughter to me the night you came over here?”
“You mean the night I kissed you?”
“I mean the night you brought pizza,” she clarified, as if the kiss was irrelevant.
But he could tell by the color that infused her cheeks that it wasn’t irrelevant at all, and that she remembered that kiss as clearly as he did. And as much as he wanted to kiss her again, to prove that the attraction between them was still very relevant, his real purpose in coming here tonight had been to clear the air, not to cloud it further.
“I should have,” he finally admitted. “But I don’t talk about Maddie very much when she’s gone. Not to anyone.”
“Why not?”
“Because talking about her makes me miss her even more.”
She seemed startled by his response, but then she nodded. “I guess I can understand that.”
“She’s the center of my world, the reason for everything I do.”
“She’s a lucky girl.” Ashley’s voice had softened, taken on an almost wistful quality. “To have a father so committed to her best interests.”
“Does that mean you forgive me?” he dared to ask.
“It means I like your daughter—she’s a great kid.”
“Her dad’s a pretty good guy, too.”
“I’m reserving judgment on that,” she said, but the smile that curved her lips gave him hope.
Chapter Six
Over the next few weeks, Ashley crossed paths with Cam on a fairly regular basis. He came to school every Wednesday to pick up Maddie and when he did, he usually dropped in to the classroom to chat with Ashley and check on his daughter’s progress. The awkwardness between them was fading and Ashley began to think that one day they might even be friends again.
And if Cam sometimes flirted with her, or dropped little hints that he wanted more from her than friendship, she didn’t take him too seriously. She didn’t dare.
She still thought about the kiss they’d shared in her kitchen, and she still got all hot and tingly when she did, but she had clearly established the boundaries for their relationship and she was determined to uphold them. But she was glad that her appointment at the clinic had been rescheduled. Even if it was still a few weeks away, it gave her something to look forward to and focus on. Maybe when she was finally expecting a baby of her own she would stop wishing she could be the mother Maddie needed so badly and the wife that shared Cam’s bed every night.
Because as often as she reminded herself that there could be no future for her with Cam, she nevertheless found herself daydreaming about the possibility. And as much as she’d always dreamed of having a child of her own, she knew that loving Cameron’s little girl would fill the aching void in her heart.
But Maddie had a mother, and Ashley knew that letting her imagination create happily-ever-after scenarios would only end up causing more heartache for herself in the end. She knew it, and yet, when Cam came out of his house as she was walking past on her way home from the neighborhood market Saturday morning, she couldn’t deny that her heart started to pound