“You didn’t know?”
Megan shook her head, looking genuinely distressed. “Not a clue. He never said a word to me about it.”
“I guess you haven’t been here to see,” Clay replied, unable to resist the slight dig.
Fire flashed in Meg’s eyes as the towel slipped on her head. With a look of annoyance she took it off. “I’m well aware that I’ve been out of town,” she snapped. “I don’t know why you feel you must continue to bring it up. And my family did visit me, you know. If Dawson kept his personal life to himself, I’m not totally to blame for that, too.”
Clay heard the sharp words but they bounced off him at the shock of seeing her hair. It was short, sleek and lighter than he remembered, even though it was wet. A light reddish-brown color that reminded him of Tinkerbell. Short and saucy and cute.
But it was the cause of the change that felt like lead in his feet, heavy and immovable. All her gorgeous dark curls were gone. The woman in front of him seemed even more of a stranger.
Her wide, honeyed eyes looked into his. “The chemo,” she acknowledged quietly. There was no resentment in the words—just acceptance, and it damn near ripped his heart out.
“Meg.” The word came out like a croak; he hadn’t realized how his throat had closed over. Seeing her in boots and with a shovel in her hand had been one thing. She had been Dawson’s little sister, Clay’s old friend. It had been easier to pretend that there wouldn’t be physical changes after what she’d been through.
But this was evidence. Proof of what she’d suffered. Proof of things changing when Clay wanted them to be the same as they’d always been. Easy. Damn, it had always been easy with Meg, right up until the time she got sick and everything changed.
“It’s okay,” she replied, folding the towel neatly. “It’s coming back in now, it just takes some getting used to. I like it. It’s easy to care for.”
She smiled but he caught the wobble at the edges. For the first time ever he was glad she’d done her treatment in Calgary. Yes, she’d have had support in Larch Valley, but he wouldn’t have been the man to provide it as much as he’d like to pretend otherwise. Megan was a friend and he’d wanted to be there for her, but he couldn’t handle this sort of thing and he hated what that said about him.
He’d had no choice but to watch his father waste away. He’d been ten years old and there had been nowhere for him to go, no escape. He’d idolized his dad, even when the big man had been reduced to a shadow of his former self. Now Clay was torn between resenting Meg for running away and being grateful that he hadn’t had to witness the harsh realities of her treatment. It was over, but just the idea of Meg being completely bald seemed unreal and made his stomach do a slow, heavy twist.
“I’d better get going.” He put the note on the counter and headed back for the mudroom and his boots.
“Is it really that ugly?”
Her soft voice chased after him and he stopped, dropping his head. He couldn’t leave knowing she thought … Oh hell. How women thought was far beyond him most days but he was bright enough to realize that he’d hurt her feelings by reacting the way he had. She’d lost all her hair. Megan had never been what he considered high maintenance, but he understood that she had to be feeling insecure about her appearance. He wasn’t totally insensitive.
He turned back. “No,” he said, the kitchen so perfectly silent that his quiet response filled every corner. She was absolutely gorgeous if he were being honest with himself. The fact that he noticed was quite troubling. But he wouldn’t deny her the words. He wasn’t that cold. “It’s not bad at all. You’re as beautiful as you ever were.”
It was the last thing he expected that would make her cry.
CHAPTER TWO
“You’re as beautiful as you ever were.”
The burst of emotion was so sudden and unfamiliar that Megan choked on the sob that tore from her throat. She quickly covered her mouth with her hands, but Clay was staring at her like he’d never seen her before. Megan Briggs did not cry, especially not in front of anyone. But this time she seemed unable to control her reaction. It hit too close to her heart.
Clay Gregory had just said she was beautiful. She closed her eyes and two tears slid down her cheeks. The irony hit her like a fist—she wasn’t beautiful. Not anymore, not even close. For years she’d longed to hear those words from his lips, and now that she didn’t want them they were offered in the bitterest of circumstances. Because she was less than whole, she was vulnerable and worst of all—needy.
She’d solicited his remark, rather than simply accepting his tepid reaction to her pixie-short hair. And of course he would say that, out of duty. Out of sympathy.
Clay didn’t know the changes cancer had wrought on her body and the scars it had left behind. Losing her hair was nothing in the greater scheme of things. She was missing a breast. She’d had treatments that had changed so much of her body’s chemistry that things she’d barely given a passing thought to before—like one day being married and having a family—were suddenly important and very uncertain. And yet somehow she knew, deep inside, that even if Clay was only trying to make her feel better, somehow he meant the words. She gathered them close to her heart and cherished them.
“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to pull the pieces of herself together. Both times she’d seen Clay since her return, she’d teared up and she didn’t like that one bit. If she couldn’t deal with one annoying rancher, how could she face her friends—the whole town for that matter—with a smile on her face? The last thing she wanted was to break down in public. She had never been a crier, but her emotions seemed harder to control these days. She couldn’t just jump back into the social scene without trusting herself to hold it together first.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.
Great. First she’d practically forced him into paying her a compliment, and now he looked like he’d rather be anywhere than standing in her kitchen. “Don’t mind me.” She picked up the towel and folded it neatly to give her hands something to do. Embarrassment crept through her as she tried to explain. Honesty was probably the best approach—as honest as she was comfortable being, anyway.
“The truth is, Clay, I’m working through stuff. I know I’m not the same woman I was a year ago. I look different. I feel different.” She swiped her finger under her eyes, wiping away the rest of the moisture. “Physically … there are some adjustments. Emotionally, too. But I made you uncomfortable and I’m sorry for that.”
Of course she had made him uncomfortable. Talking to Clay about cancer was like chatting to a closed door—words bounced off and there was no response. He avoided the topic whenever he could. When she’d told their circle of friends of the biopsy results, Clay had turned ashen and left the room. Cancer had stolen his father and in a way his mother, too. And if Meg knew anything about Clay from their years of friendship, it was that he handled things in one of two ways—he charmed his way through or put his shoulder to the wheel.
Since he wasn’t employing his charms, Meg could only assume he was forging ahead, doing what he had to do to make the best of the situation but wearing blinders to everything negative about her illness that bothered him.
Clay’s dark eyes caught hers. “I’m fine.” He paused for a second and then asked, “Is that why you didn’t go to the pub last night? Because you’re working through stuff?”
She’d wanted to go. She’d actually figured out what she was going to wear and everything. But when the time came she’d been utterly exhausted. Even now that her treatment was done, fatigue continued to knock her flat without any notice. The idea of facing everyone for the first time feeling so run-down was too daunting, and besides, convincing them she was all right in such a state