Wash your face. Brush your teeth. Things will be clearer in the morning. How many times had her mother repeated those words to her? Coco followed her mother’s advice, then crawled into bed and told herself to stop thinking about Benjamin. But then she turned on the baby monitor just in case Benjamin went to sleep and Emma awakened again.
In a low voice, more breath than song, Benjamin hummed a lullaby to Emma. Her heart swelled so much it hurt at the loving sound, and she closed her eyes at her odd instinct to cry. She was no crybaby. Why was this happening to her? She couldn’t remember a man affecting her so deeply. It was as if he reached her on a cellular level. The possibility was disturbing. She took a deep breath to still the feelings rolling through her.
She tried counting backward from one hundred to fall asleep, but somehow Benjamin’s lullaby made her drift off.
The next morning she awakened to the sound of Emma chattering through the nursery monitor. She allowed the baby to experience some time by herself. It was good for Emma to self-soothe for a short time.
Coco’s mind wandered to thoughts about Benjamin. Something inside her had solidified. She knew she had strong feelings for him. She knew he was important to her. Coco smiled and bounced out of bed, ready for the day. Ready for her future with whatever happened between her and Benjamin.
She threw on some clothes and made a quick trip to wash her face and brush her teeth then raced into Emma’s room. “Well, good mornin’ darlin’,” she said as the baby began to fuss.
Emma glanced at her and gave a welcoming chortle.
Coco changed the baby and picked her up. “Who wants a bottle and breakfast?”
Emma began her version of a morning chat with unintelligible, but happy sounds. “Bottle first?” A moment later, Coco warmed a bottle and sat on the sofa to feed the baby. Emma gave a few burps and Coco put her in the pack and play.
Coco grabbed a quick shower. When she walked out of her bedroom dressed, with wet hair, Benjamin greeted her in the hallway. “’Morning,” he said.
Her heart hammered against her chest. “’Morning,” she returned. “I’ve already given Emma her bottle. She should be ready for breakfast soon. Did she keep you awake too long last night?”
“Just awhile,” he said, and raked his hand through his damp hair. “Listen, I’m sorry about last night. That shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have—” He broke off.
Her heart felt as if it broke in half. “Shouldn’t have?” she prompted.
“Shouldn’t have kissed you. Shouldn’t have gone after you like that,” he said.
She worked hard to take a breath. “Are you saying you didn’t want me?” she managed, confused and so hurt.
“Not want you,” he echoed and looked away. “At that moment, I did,” he said. “But it still shouldn’t have happened. I don’t want you to start thinking this engagement is real. Last night wouldn’t have happened if we were still in Texas.” He met her gaze. “I can’t get into a relationship right now. I have too much going on.”
Coco crossed her arms over her chest. “Is that the same way you felt about Brooke?”
He took a sharp breath and shook his head. “Brooke was a crazy impulse. I broke all my rules. I don’t want to do that again.”
She struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat. “Okay. I’ll feed Emma.”
She turned away and felt his hand on her arm. But she didn’t turn to look at him because she wasn’t sure she could control her facial expression. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why we can’t do this.”
She pulled her arm away from him. “I’ll feed Emma.”
Thank goodness for the baby. She demanded and received so much of Coco’s attention that for the next several hours, she managed not to look Benjamin in the eye. It was for the best. What should have been a make-out session had turned into something far more for Coco. Crazy. Stupid. She would be more careful from this moment on. She wouldn’t give in to silly secret feelings for Benjamin. She just wished she’d never given herself permission to even consider Benjamin as her man.
After spending most of the day inside, Coco was ready to scream. She needed to get out. She needed to get away from Benjamin. She called Mr. Bernard to ask about an outing. He suggested a few possibilities and Coco selected the beach. Slathering Emma with baby-safe sunscreen and dressing her in a protective baby bathing suit, Coco plopped a hat on the tot’s head and got ready.
When Mr. Bernard knocked at the door, Coco was just about ready.
Benjamin answered the door and Coco grabbed Emma and raced to greet their guide. “Emma and I are going to the beach,” she said breathlessly. “We’ll see you later,” she said and walked out the door, feeling a smidgeon of self-satisfaction that Benjamin was staring after her and the baby with a surprised look on his face.
Mr. Bernard told her a bit about Chantaine’s beaches and warned her that the ocean temperature might be a little chilly for the baby. She appreciated his consideration. With help from him, she was quickly situated on the beach with an umbrella, chaise longue and an extra-large towel.
Coco put Emma in her infant carrier, and for once, the baby didn’t struggle to escape. Emma sat, appearing relaxed, with her eyes half-open. Coco smiled at the sight of Emma, wondering if the sound of the ocean was soothing to the baby.
Sighing, she leaned back against her chair and let the breeze and surf sounds assuage her own riot of feelings and thoughts. With one eye on Emma, Coco watched the soft whitecaps as they gently met the shore. She wondered how often Prince Edward had taken solace at the sight of the sea. Everyone had told her how much he had loved yachting.
The last time Coco had been to the ocean had been three years ago—a too-brief trip with college friends. Her favorite part of that trip had been a walk on the beach by herself. Was that something she had in common with her birth father? Or was it just crazy to consider that she had anything in common with him except some genetic material?
Coco dismissed her debates and focused on the peace and relaxation of the moment. Emma was quietly content, the sun was shining, and Benjamin wasn’t nearby to disrupt her—although his presence wasn’t required to mess with her mind. Just a thought would do.
“Hello, hello,” a voice called from behind her.
Coco glanced up to see Bridget walking toward her, wearing a bright pink hat, a pink suit and pink heels. In the sand? Coco stood and watched as a man followed after the princess carrying a chair. “Thanks so much, Anthony. I won’t be long,” she said to the man then turned to Coco. “Would you like a little cocktail?”
“I’m good with my water,” Coco said. “What a surprise.”
Bridget shot a sly look and sank onto the chair. “I’m good with those,” she said. “I hope I’m not interrupting, but I heard you were having some beach time and since I was driving by, I thought it might be fun to make a little stop.” She glanced down at Emma, who was regarding the princess with curiosity. “Do we have a little beach baby here?”
“I think this is her first ocean sighting and she seems to love it. The sound of the waves and the breeze. It affects me that way,” Coco said. “It was nice of you to stop by.”
“My pleasure. I’m in between appearances today. I’ll turn into ranch frau tomorrow. The things I do to please my husband,” she said, making a tsk-ing sound. “Well, he did give up his career in Dallas to move to my country and my brother immediately saddled him with a hugely challenging job. I would do anything for him, even though he drives me crazy,” Bridget said. “I’m sure it the same with you