It wasn’t an excuse, but it was a reminder that Lucy Campbell was his kryptonite.
That was why he needed to have a will of steel when he was with her.
He did not want to hurt her and he knew damn good and well that was what would happen if he lost control again. She deserved better than he could offer. Besides, if he got the job in Ocala, he would be moving. He wasn’t about to try a long-distance romance. She deserved someone who had his life together, someone who could take care of her the way she deserved to be cared for. As far as he was concerned, Lucy was a princess and he was about the furthest thing from a prince anyone could imagine.
The truth sobered him.
Plus, given the mood she was in, she would probably slap the crap out of him if he did try to touch her again, and he would deserve it.
Yeah, it was a good thing that the car that Hidden Rock had hired to take him to the airport would be here any minute. He glanced at his watch to remind himself of that.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the interview?” Lucy demanded, sounding more like herself.
He shrugged. “It’s just a first-round thing. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. You wouldn’t even have missed me in that short time span. In fact, you wouldn’t even have noticed I was gone.”
She frowned again and said in a small voice, “I would’ve noticed.”
Of course she would have. If anybody in this town would’ve noticed he was gone, it would’ve been Lucy. And that was the perfect example of just how deeply in denial he’d been since he’d done the morning-after, let’s-be-friends walk back, when he’d tried to explain it wasn’t that he didn’t want her. His life was a hot mess right now and the uphill climb he was facing to get himself back on track required all of his focus. There were the job interviews, plus his itch to get out of Celebration and start over. All of that added up to the fact that she just deserved so much more than he could offer her right now.
Things were starting to happen for Lucy. She was having success with the wedding barn. The last thing she needed was dead weight to drag her away from what was important in her life.
“Depending on how things went,” he said, “you were going to be the first person I told when I got back.”
Her mouth tilted up into a Mona Lisa smile and she looked sad for a split second. But then she lifted her chin and gave her head a quick shake. Again, the Lucy he knew and adored came shining through.
“So, tell me what they said,” she demanded.
“They haven’t said anything yet. That’s why I’m going. To get the scoop. We’re going to talk about all the details when I’m there.”
She rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated with his reluctance to share what he knew. “Well, surely they gave you some indication of what the job entails. Didn’t they? I mean, if not, you could be walking into a situation where they are looking for someone to muck out the stables. It would be a shame to go all that way only to find out you’re highly overqualified.”
“I’ll take my chances,” he said. “Especially since I’m certain mucking out stables isn’t part of the general manager’s job description.”
“What? Are you too good to muck out stables?” She smiled.
“Of course not. I have vast experience with that. So, let’s just say I’ve already paid my dues.”
They were quiet for a moment, looking at each other, and for a few seconds it felt as if nothing had changed between them.
“So, this is the one, isn’t it?” she asked. “The job you really want.”
It was. At least he thought so, but he hated to say too much, because it was a long shot. Anyone who was anyone in the equestrian industry wanted this job.
But who was he kidding? Lucy knew him well enough that if he said no, she would see right through him to the truth.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’d love this job.”
She drew in a deep breath and nodded. “Well, good. Since you’d been turning down offers left and right, I was beginning to worry that you were being too picky.” She shrugged. “Or that you had finally decided you didn’t want to leave me after all. Hey, how are you getting to the airport?”
“They’ve hired a car to transport me to and from Dallas,” he said. “But thanks for offering.”
“Who said I was offering?” Her smile was a little bit too bright and the dullness that had stolen the shine from her eyes didn’t match it.
He wanted to ask if they were okay. Instead, he said, “If they weren’t transporting me, I would’ve asked you to take me.”
“Yeah, well, good thing, then,” she quipped, her smile still in place. “I would’ve probably been busy.”
The sound of the air-conditioning kicking on filled the vortex of weirdness swirling between them. Okay, so he’d screwed up by sleeping with her. This was too complicated. He could tell she didn’t believe him when he said he cared too much about her for it to happen again. But he didn’t want to hurt her, and if things were this weird after only one time, it was bound to only get more difficult if they did it again.
“What brings you all the way over here?” he asked. “Surely you didn’t come here just to see me off.”
“Sorry, Charlie. Given the fact that I didn’t know you were going anywhere, that’s not why I came over. But since you are leaving, it can wait.”
“That sounds ominous,” he said. “The car’s not here yet, so what’s on your mind?”
She bit her bottom lip and looked at him as if she was forming her words, then she shook her head. “No, it can wait until you get back. We don’t have enough time to get into it.”
“Get into it? Are you mad at me? Is this about what happened? Because, Lucy, I really do care about you. I’m so mad at myself. I don’t want you to feel like I took advantage of you—”
“No, Zane. Stop. It’s not about that—”
“You are perfectly within your rights to be mad at me. And that’s okay. You can punch me if you want to. You can be mad at me for as long as you need to. But I hope it won’t be too long because what’s not okay is for us not to be okay—”
The sound of a honking horn cut him off.
“Your car is here. You need to go.”
Dammit.
“I don’t want to leave you like this. Will you please just talk to me for a moment? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
She had that look on her face again. The look that made him uncertain whether she was upset or maybe she really wasn’t feeling well. Only this time, she put her hand up to her mouth as she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She really did look like she was going to be sick.
“Lucy? Are you okay?”
“I—I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”
She dashed off down the hall. He saw her close the bathroom door behind her, heard her turn on the water.
For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do. He wondered if he should ask her if she needed anything. But suddenly he had a sickening realization of what she’d wanted to talk to him about. He understood perfectly.
He stood there for a moment, seeing stars and cursing under his breath as reality sank in.
Someone