And her heart flipped over in her chest. Maybe he did want her. Maybe discovering her identity had not staunched the desire.
Even though he fought against it.
Right then Alyssa realised that Joshua was far more complex, far more dangerous to the yearning woman deep inside her, than she’d ever suspected.
That evening Alyssa was the last to arrive at the dinner table in the smaller dining room used for cosier family meals. Her first dinner with the family—last night she’d eaten on a tray in her room. Everyone had already settled in their seats, leaving only one chair empty. Roland’s. The place her brother had occupied for years.
Her chest tight, she sank down on the chair where her brother had eaten countless meals. Opposite her sat Joshua with his mother on his right side, and his sister, Megan, on his left. Phillip and Caitlyn Ross, the Saxon’s Folly winemaker, sat on either side of Alyssa.
“How was your day?” Caitlyn asked with a polite smile.
“It was fabulous,” she replied mechanically, and Joshua shot her a quizzical glance, his eyebrow raised.
Oh, heavens! He was thinking about their kiss. That had been more than fabulous. Earthmoving. Mind shattering. Nothing as mundane as fabulous. Not that she intended him to know any of that.
“I learned a lot,” she said lamely, then started to flush as his expression turned incredulous. So she quickly added, “Well, it’s so beautiful here.”
“Heaven on earth,” said Caitlyn.
Alyssa stilled.
Not heaven. Not with Roland gone.
But for the first time she managed to think of her brother without the wild grief and searing regret that had so shaken her. There was still sadness, but the anger and resentment at missing the opportunity to know him was receding and acceptance of his death was starting to settle in. In some peculiar way talking about her mother’s death to Joshua had helped.
“If you want to see something special, you need to get the boss to take you to the waterfall,” Caitlyn said, with a glance at Joshua. “The best way to get there is by horseback, to hike there takes forever. It’s a fantastic ride.”
“I haven’t ridden much.” Alyssa thought back to her childhood, when her adoptive mother had signed her up for two terms at pony club, but with all the other scheduled tuition, she’d never had the time to learn to ride well.
“You can ride Breeze, she’s very gentle,” said Megan.
“I don’t know …” Alyssa hesitated.
“Roland always loved it at the falls.” Kay entered the conversation. “He used to beg to go on picnics there as a child. As a teenager he loved to hang out there with friends.”
Alyssa started to pay attention. A place that Roland had loved? “Maybe I’ll consider it.” Perhaps there she would capture that spiritual closeness that she was seeking. Perhaps she’d finally lose the loneliness that lurked inside her.
“Did you know Roland?” Megan was staring at her with a puzzled frown.
Damn. Had she given away too much? Apprehension filled Alyssa. Her gaze shot to Kay, who had stilled at her daughter’s question. Then moved on to Joshua. His mouth was set in a hard line.
“Uh … no.”
The stuttered denial didn’t sound convincing to her own ears. And the force of Joshua’s glare told her that he was convinced she was lying.
But thankfully she appeared to have deflected Megan’s interest. Alyssa let out a silent sigh of relief. That had been far too close.
Kay turned hurriedly to Joshua. “Do you remember one night you terrified me by arriving back covered in blood? You and Roland had some sort of competition that I never quite got to the bottom of.”
Megan glanced from Joshua to her mother. Joshua’s mouth tightened. “Teen garbage,” he said dismissively.
“For a few years you all thought you were bulletproof.” Phillip spoke for the first time.
“We grew up,” Megan said quickly.
“Think carefully. You’ll be sore if you’re not used to riding—it’s a fair distance,” Joshua murmured as Ivy arrived to collect the dishes.
Looking at him, Alyssa realised that he didn’t look wild about the idea. “If you’re too busy, we don’t need to go.”
“I can probably find time to take you on Monday, the winery is closed to the public after the weekend, so it will be quieter.”
Had he offered Monday because he knew she was supposed to be back at work then? But if she stayed, that would give her an extra day at Saxon’s Folly. Despite his grumbling, David wouldn’t mind, she never took leave. And seeing a place that had been special to her brother would be worth a bit of extra stiffness.
“I’d probably survive.” She threw Joshua a quick smile, saw his double take and stopped smiling. “As long as I’m back in Auckland by evening. I’d like to do it—if you don’t mind taking me.”
There was a gap in the conversation. Then Caitlyn said, “I heard that you’ve decided against attending that European wine show, Megan.”
Megan glanced tellingly in her mother’s direction. “The timing was all wrong. I wanted to be here, with the family. There’ll be more shows next month, starting with the show in Paris.”
She’d stayed because of Roland’s death. Megan didn’t need to say it out loud. But her meaning was clear.
After a short pause, Caitlyn said with forced humour, “That should be fun. Those French vintners can be very charming.”
Megan’s lashes fell, hiding her eyes, but a small, secret smile curved her mouth revealing a dimple in her cheek. “Oh, I intend to have a lot of fun. I want to taste some of those deliciously sexy wines.”
“Frenchmen are supposed to be legendarily sexy, too,” Caitlyn responded.
“It’s the language,” Alyssa said. “Even though I don’t speak it, everything sounds so sexy in French.”
“Passez-moi votre verre de vin, s’il vous plaît.”
Everyone started to laugh as Alyssa stared at Joshua in bewilderment, until Megan took pity on her and said, “He asked for your wineglass.”
“No more for me, thanks,” Alyssa said, feeling warm and fuzzy inside at the good-humoured amusement on Joshua’s face, coupled with an intensity that made her heart melt.
At last he glanced away and the discussion moved onto Chardonnay, becoming increasingly technical—temperature and malolactic fermentation. Alyssa couldn’t help noticing how easy the relationship between Caitlyn and Joshua was. Had he ever dated the winemaker? It would be such a sensible relationship, the winery boss and the stellar winemaker, a marriage would truly cement the relationship. She couldn’t help wondering whether Joshua had ever considered keeping his winemaker happy forever.
The notion caused her a stab of something like discomfort … she didn’t want to label it anything as significant as envy. Or, even worse, jealousy.
On Saturday, David called Alyssa to tell her that the rumours were definitely buzzing and that Saxon’s Folly was in the thick of it all.
“It’s all about a Chardonnay that was entered in the Golden Harvest Wine Awards. One judge is muttering that what’s available in the shops, isn’t the same as the wine he tasted in the competition.”
“So what happens next?” Alyssa asked.
“They’ll give Joshua Saxon the option of withdrawing the wine before the scandal becomes public, I suspect. Although there is a rumour that an investigator has been appointed. But it’s