The silence made her realise that she’d slipped back into that defensive mode that made her tone too sharp and pushed people away.
‘Sorry,’ she muttered. ‘But I think I can make it. I need to try.’
‘I’m sure you can make it. You climbed down a cliff today, didn’t you? And you don’t need to apologise. I understand...’
People said that a lot, with the best intentions, but it was never true, was it? You couldn’t really understand unless it had happened to you.
But it felt like maybe Jack did understand. More than others, anyway.
‘It will get better,’ she told him. ‘It’s just that I’ve only been out of my brace for a week or so. And I probably did more today than I should have, even before I climbed down the cliff.’
‘What were you doing up there? Testing yourself? Might be a good idea not to do stuff like that by yourself, you know.’ His smile was crooked. ‘Just sayin’...’
‘Yeah, yeah... It was a bit of a test, I guess, but the real reason was to try out my new zoom lens. I wanted some shots of surf crashing on rocks, preferably as it got close to sunset when the light gets awesome.’
‘You’ve really got into photography, haven’t you? I saw you taking all the photos at Kate and Angus’s wedding.’
She’d noticed him there as well. Not that she’d made any attempt to go and talk to him. She’d stayed behind that camera the whole time and had left as early as she could without being rude. It had been hard, being there but not being one of the team any longer.
‘I really have.’ It was a relief to reach the car and take the weight off her leg. A quick glance at her watch told Harriet that she could take some more painkillers soon. As soon as Jack wasn’t around to notice because those sharp of eyes of his didn’t miss much. Had he been aware that she’d avoided talking to him at the wedding?
‘It started because I was taking photos of my leg, actually,’ she found herself saying quietly as the car pulled out onto the road. ‘I wanted a record so that, on bad days, I could remind myself that things were improving. And then I started taking photos of other stuff and I got hooked. Not only did I have a topic of conversation that had nothing to do with my leg but I could kind of hide behind the camera when I was out with other people. Win-win.’
She’d never admitted that to anyone. She’d kept people at a distance by being distant herself with a forced cheerfulness or, shamefully more often, a bad-tempered snappiness. Jack hadn’t seen the worst of it but she knew she’d hurt him by rejecting his support early on. Opening up, just a little, was a kind of peace offering and, judging by the intensity of the swift glance he gave her, he realised that it was a big thing.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly. ‘I can only imagine how rough it’s been for you.’
‘Actually, I think it’s me that should be apologising.’
‘What on earth for?’
‘I was horrible to you. When you came to visit. You didn’t deserve that.’
Jack shrugged. He seemed to be concentrating on the road ahead. ‘It was no big deal. You had your friends around.’
‘You’re one of my friends,’ Harriet said. Then her voice trailed away. ‘Or...you were...’
This time Jack turned his head. ‘I still am, Harry.’ But his tone held a note of wariness. ‘If you want me to be, that is.’
For a long minute, Harriet stared, unseeing, at the industrial buildings they were passing. She could hear echoes of the laughter of shared jokes and the teasing that Jack had been such a master of. She could feel the warmth of the kindness that was so much a part of him. Like the way he would always make sure that others were being cared for during any breaks on an exhausting disaster response and getting some rest and food and water.
And it hadn’t been just his teammates or other people he cared about.
‘Do you remember that last callout we were on together?’
‘The bush fire?’ Jack blew out a breath. ‘Sure do. That was a tough one, wasn’t it? A whole town lost. So many people killed or injured.’
‘And the animals. You found that dog with burnt paws and you carried him all the way back to base.’
‘If I’d known what was going to happen, I would have made you carry him.’
Harriet grinned. ‘You mean that photograph of you that went viral?’
Jack shook his head. ‘The attention was ridiculous. I started getting emails from all over the country. Girls who’d never met me but wanted to marry me, for God’s sake.’
Harriet was still smiling. ‘Of course they did. You were a hero. Young, gorgeous and single. And you love dogs. What more could a woman want?’
Jack was concentrating on changing lanes on the motorway that was leading them out of the city. He made a sound that could have been embarrassment at her singing his praises. Or it could have been disagreement.
‘You mean you don’t like dogs? Or you’re not still single?’
‘I like dogs,’ Jack muttered. ‘And, yeah...if you must know, I’m still single.’
Weird, Harriet thought. There must be an unlimited number of gorgeous young women who would love to catch his attention.
Then she sighed into the silence. ‘Me, too...’
Jack didn’t say anything for quite a while and Harriet could feel a tension that made her wish she’d kept her mouth shut. A lot of it was probably being internally generated, mind you. The rejection of having Pete walk out on their relationship had been soul destroying. She was damaged now. Unattractive. Unlovable, even?
Yeah...she was single and that wasn’t about to change. Maybe it never would.
‘I heard that Pete transferred to a Melbourne station,’ Jack finally said. His tone was laced with disapproval.
Was that what some of the tension was about? Jack had been friends with Pete. Everybody had been.
‘Mmm...’ Harriet tried to keep her tone casual. ‘I think he wanted a fresh start. With Sharleen.’
Jack shook his head. ‘Yeah, I heard about that too. I can’t believe he walked out on you. What a moron.’
‘It’s okay,’ Harriet said. Though the aftermath of that breakup had been agonising, she’d refused to let it drag her down further. ‘Everything we’d had in common was gone and he just couldn’t handle it. And then there was Sharleen. With two good legs. A top surfer. A gym bunny. That was where they met—at the gym.’
Jack took the exit that was signposted for the Kookaburra park and walkway. ‘You’ve still got two legs,’ he said, matter-of-factly. ‘And, from what I heard, that was a pretty big deal.’
‘Yeah...’ Suddenly the fierce ache in her leg seemed much more bearable. ‘I know. I was lucky.’
‘And they must be pretty good legs if you got yourself down that cliff today. I would have thought twice about attempting that.’
‘You don’t know how dodgy it was. And I’ll probably be reminded of it for a few days now, I expect. I might have to admit defeat and use my brace again at work for a while.’
‘You didn’t even have a rope.’ Jack’s glance was one of admiration. ‘Weren’t you scared?’
‘I didn’t give myself time to think about it. I just looked one step ahead for a foothold or for the next branch that might give me a safe handhold. And then I was past the halfway point and it would have been just as hard to go back as it was to keep going.’