‘Wuh,’ he said, twirling my hair round his fist. ‘Wuh.’
I left him in front of CBeebies while I showered in thirty seconds, with the bathroom door open so I could hear him. By the time I was finished, Fiona was awake too. So I got them both dressed, choosing their outfits carefully ‒ I wanted to impress the other witch mums ‒ then threw on my own clothes. At Esme’s baby group I’d worn slouchy baggy jeans with a wide-necked, long-sleeved T-shirt, but today I wanted to make more of an impression. The group we were going to today welcomed parents with kids of all ages – right up until they started school – so I reckoned the women there with older children might be a bit more groomed than those of us with little ones. I pulled on skinny jeans and layered a long-sleeved T-shirt over a vest top and added a shirt on top so I didn’t look too scrawny. It was raining so I would wear my biker boots when we went outside.
I was really nervous. More nervous than I thought I would be. I hoped the other mums would be nice and their kids not too, well, witchy.
Esme said the same when I picked her and Clemmie up a bit later. The witch group was on the other side of the city centre so we were driving across town to get there. The three children sat in their car seats in the back seats and chatted nonsense to each other. Esme chatted nonsense to me in the front.
‘Do you think they do magic all the time,’ she said.
‘Do you do magic all the time?’ I asked.
Esme looked affronted.
‘No,’ she admitted. ‘But you do.’
She had a point. Until things went wrong, I very rarely did anything the normal way. That was why Esme had been so surprised that I’d decorated the twins’ birthday cakes by hand and why I was so rubbish at cleaning the bathroom. In fact, I thought again that I should speak to Lou about getting a cleaner while I was out of action. I had no intention of taking up housework now.
I indicated to turn left, and glanced at Esme.
‘They’re just normal mums like you and me,’ I said. ‘It should be along here somewhere. It’s an arts centre I think.’
‘There,’ said Esme, pointing behind her at a small theatre with metal tables and chairs outside as I sailed past. I swore and she gave me a stern look.
Several U-turns, one-way streets and failed attempts to park later – man I missed my witchcraft when it came to parking and Esme was no use – we finally staggered into the centre. I was pushing the twins in their pram, and Esme had Clemmie in her car seat.
The foyer was deserted apart from a bored-looking woman sitting in the box office.
‘Toddler group?’ she said, without looking up. ‘Straight through the double doors.’
To our left was a cafe-bar, with big windows that opened out on to the street and had the tables and chairs outside – I thought they were being a bit optimistic trying to adopt Mediterranean outdoor eating habits on a rainy April day in Edinburgh but hey ho. On our right a fire door was illegally propped open giving us a glimpse of a tiny theatre with fold-up seats and a small performance area in the centre, where two men and a women in black T-shirts were shifting scenery across the stage.
Straight ahead were the double doors. We pushed them open and went into what could have been a function room or meeting hall.
The set-up was exactly the same as it had been at Esme’s group the day before. Chairs in one corner, a small kitchen where people were helping themselves to tea, and toys scattered across the floor with children swarming over them.
I watched as a boy of about three waved his arm and made a plastic aeroplane fly through the air and into the wall.
‘Henry,’ said a woman with thick blonde hair pulled into a ponytail. ‘Stop it.’
She flexed her fingers and the boy shivered, then looked cross.
‘I’ve bound him,’ she told me, seeing me looking. ‘I always swore I wouldn’t do that but he’s out of control. He’s a bloody nightmare.’
I gave her a nervous smile.
‘Mine have just started,’ I said. ‘I’m a bit out of my depth with two of them. That’s why I wanted to come.’
‘You’re very welcome,’ she said. ‘I hope we can help.’
‘See,’ I whispered to Esme as we released the kids from their straps and let them loose on the toys. ‘They’re nice.’
‘Excuse me,’ another woman said. She had short dark hair and she was dressed exactly like Esme had been yesterday – Breton-striped T-shirt, skinny jeans, ballet pumps – I caught Ez smiling at me over her shoulder and ignored her.
‘Are you Harmony McLeod?’ the woman went on. ‘I recognise you from your spa.’
I was startled. And pleased.
‘Yes, I’m Harmony,’ I said. ‘Harry, call me Harry.’
The woman beamed at me.
‘I’m Susie,’ she said. ‘Everyone, this is Harry. She runs that gorgeous spa – you know, the one in Stockbridge. She’s wonderful.’
‘This is my cousin Esme,’ I said as Susie bustled me over to the chairs and sat me down. ‘She’s a lawyer.’
Esme made a face at me that I took to mean ‘don’t worry about it’. She took herself over to where Clemmie was sitting on a mat bashing two bricks together with glee and was soon in deep conversation with another mum who had a baby boy snuggled into her shoulder.
You know that scene in Legally Blonde when Elle comes home from her date and everyone wants to know if she’s engaged? That’s kind of how it was for me. I was suddenly surrounded by women, all asking me questions and telling me how much they loved me and my business.
‘I go to your spa all the time,’ one woman said. ‘I love your acupuncturist. I’m sure that’s why I got pregnant so quickly.’
‘Do you remember me?’ another asked. ‘I came for counselling just after you’d opened.’ I smiled vaguely. I’d seen hundreds of women for counselling. She didn’t seem to care.
‘I love the way you’ve made a career out of your witchcraft,’ she went on. ‘You’re such an inspiration. I even read about you in the business section of the Evening News a couple of years ago.’
Suddenly I remembered why I’d recognised the mum – Vicky, was it? – at Esme’s group yesterday. She was the reporter who’d interviewed me for that business profile. I felt guilty again for dismissing all those women so easily.
The love-in was carrying on around me. The women cooing over how brilliant the spa was, how amazing I was, how cute the twins were… even how shiny my hair was. It was a bit uncomfortable to be the subject of so much hero worship but I couldn’t help enjoying it.
And then a black cloud came in. Not literally, of course, but though my powers were on the blink I could still sense an atmosphere.
‘Oh hello,’ said a chilly voice.
Like naughty school kids, the women all stopped talking. I followed their gaze to where a woman stood, with a little girl on her hip and a stern look on her face. She was small and neat and absolutely immaculate. She had reddish-blonde hair that was pulled back into a bun and perfect make-up. She was wearing a black and white polka dot blouse with white, cropped jeans. WHITE. JEANS. At a toddler group. I admired her optimism. Her little girl – who was about four – had hair exactly the same shade of strawberry blonde and a cute face covered in freckles. Together they looked like they’d stepped straight off the pages of a glossy parenting mag. It wasn’t hard to understand why she’d caused such a reaction among the other mums.