Tugging on the end of her ponytail, matted by the wind, she met his bitter gaze head-on.
‘Come on—level with me. I may be some naïve recluse who hasn’t been on a date in far too long, but I’m not stupid. You said you like me. A guy like you has needs. So what I want to know is this. Why are you going through this game of charming me, kissing me, when there isn’t a hope in hell I’ll sleep with you?’
There—she’d said it. And while her gut churned with trepidation, her hands were surprisingly steady as she folded them in front of her, before realising she probably looked like a prim and proper nun and promptly released them.
A vein pulsed at his temple as he raked a hand through his hair, dishevelled and spiked and thoroughly tempting. Then he met her gaze, his clouded with disappointment, hers wary yet relieved that she’d asked what had been bugging her since that afternoon.
She’d had the guts to speak her mind, and he had no idea what a big deal that was.
‘This isn’t just about sex.’
‘Oh, really?’
He jammed his hands in his pockets, shoulders squared, back rigid. ‘I meant what I said this afternoon. I want to spend time with you, get to know you. But I’ll be damned if I stand here and lie about wanting to drag you back to my cabin right this very minute and have amazing sex with you all night long.’
Her mouth dropped open, a squeaky ‘oh’ escaping before she shut it.
His eyes flashed blue fire as he fixed her with a steely gaze. ‘There. Is that what you wanted to hear? Do I want to have sex with you? Hell, yeah. But I’m not going to push you. If you want me half as much as I want you, you’ll have to show me.’
She bit her tongue, biding her time, trying to unscramble her brain long enough to answer, to give him a response halfway decipherable that didn’t consist of another scintillating ‘oh’.
Her hands trembled and her belly rolled in time with the ship as it headed out to the open sea. She searched for the words to make him understand half of what she was feeling: confused, scared, excited, a mish-mash of emotions that terrified her as much as falling for this incredible man who pulled no punches and spoke the truth without flinching.
Honesty was all-important to her—one of her top criteria in her perfect man, courtesy of the elaborate lies Jax had told to manipulate her. She’d never trust a liar again, and here was a guy who was dead-set honest about what he wanted. She admired him for it, even though the blunt truth of exactly what he wanted from her scared her beyond belief.
After a drawn-out silence, he reached out and she let him take her hand.
‘Look, I’m sorry for laying all that on you. But you have to know you’re driving me crazy.’
‘Totally unintentional, I can assure you.’
His mouth kicked up at her wry answer and hers twitched in response.
‘Do you want me to back off? Slow down? Just say the word.’
Oh-oh. It was like being given a choice between a decadent double choc fudge sundae—something wickedly indulgent she knew she’d end up regretting later—and a single scoop of vanilla—plain, boring. She knew exactly what she’d get if she took the safe option.
Did she want him to back off? Really?
Her head said it was the logical thing to do, considering she’d be off the ship shortly, but her heart was giving strange little twangs it never had before, quietly urging her to take a risk for once in her sedate life.
Maybe it was her turn for a dose of healthy reality? If he ran, it wasn’t meant to be. If he didn’t… Well, she’d face that frightening prospect if it arose.
Taking a deep breath, she went for broke. ‘I can’t get physical with a guy unless I’m emotionally involved. That’s just me. And I hate to break it to you, but I wouldn’t have let you kiss me just now unless I wasn’t already starting to invest some emotion in us.’
Understanding, stark and pure, splintered in his eyes before coalescing into a bright, hard blue.
‘I’ve kissed you before.’
She waved away his comment. ‘Impulse kisses. You turning on the charm.’
‘And tonight?’
After the time they’d spent together, after she’d grown to trust him through his actions—he hadn’t pushed her for sex once, despite his admission just now of how much he wanted it—emotion had more than clouded her judgment. It had taken over to the point she didn’t know why she was holding him at bay any more.
She raised her eyes to his, silently imploring him to understand. ‘Tonight I’ve realised you’ve crept under my guard. And I’m starting to like it.’
The first flicker of awareness in his steady gaze made her want to execute a perfect swan dive into the ocean.
‘How much?’
Drawing on her meagre reserve of resolve, she placed a tentative hand on his chest. ‘A lot.’
He caressed her cheek softly, lingering for an exquisite moment. ‘Then where do we go from here?’
Damned if she knew.
After Zac had walked Lana back to her cabin, he headed for the place he did his best thinking: the bridge.
Ever since he’d joined the fleet as a young, eager sailor he’d loved this control centre of a ship, the hub that drove these monstrous vessels. He loved the quiet efficiency of the staff going about their business, he loved the view, and—like any guy—he loved the gadgets. Hundreds of them, that beeped and lit up and made his fingers itch to touch them.
He usually popped up here on the pretext of consulting with the Captain over something, when in reality he loved the buzz, the feeling of control. He now owned this baby, and the decisions he made could drive her and the rest of the fleet further than the company had ever been before.
Ironic, considering he had no control over his situation with Lana. Or, more precisely, control over his burgeoning feelings.
He couldn’t believe what she’d just told him. Sure, he’d caught the odd gleam in her eyes that said she was thawing towards him in the attraction stakes—not to mention her genuine responses to his kisses—but to say she was emotionally involved?
Hell. It blew him away.
It was exactly what he wanted—what he’d hoped for to lead into a full-blown long-distance relationship, whatever that might entail.
The kicker was she’d given him the perfect opportunity to say he was emotionally involved too, but he’d held back.
For, no matter how long he stewed over this, hashing out scenarios, it all came back to Uncle Jimmy and the fact he couldn’t let him down—couldn’t let the man who’d given him everything die alone.
Which meant he’d be on the other side of the world for a year, a whole three hundred and sixty-five days, and he’d be damned if he expected her to wait for him for that length of time. She deserved more.
Besides, he’d travelled down this road before, with Magda waiting at home for him, and it had killed his marriage. She’d changed while he’d been away, irrevocably, and there’d been no going back.
But Lana wasn’t Magda, and he owed it to her—to himself—to let her make the decision.
Rubbing a hand across the back of his neck, he sank into the nearest chair, leaned back and focussed on the control panel in front of him.
He had to give her the option—had to know he’d tried his damnedest to make it work with this quick-witted, infuriatingly shy, naturally beautiful woman. She was worth it—every unaffected inch of her.
He