“There are other women in town who are equally steady.”
“Perhaps, but you’re also trustworthy, stable and reliable. And—”
“Kate Riley is all those things.” Still frowning, Ellie pulled her hand free of his. “As is the local schoolteacher, Lillian O’Hare. Either woman would make a perfectly acceptable mother for your daughters.”
True, and he’d considered them in the past, had even approached both women. Now he was grateful they’d declined his offer.
Ellie was special. They had a history. They were friends. He cared about her, liked her. “We’d be good together.”
Their home would be free of turmoil.
Sighing, she reached up and fiddled with the top button of her collar. “You don’t really want to be married. You’re simply looking for a woman to mother your daughters.”
“That’s not to say we won’t enjoy a comfortable, peaceful life together. I’ll keep you safe, Ellie. I’ll take care of you. I’ll never leave you, or allow harm to come to you.”
“What about love?”
Caleb’s throat seized at the question. His relationship with Lizzie had been a love match but had become tumultuous quickly, bringing only pain and disillusionment to them both.
“Love isn’t what the songs and poems claim.” He took his time, carefully choosing his words. “Love wanes with time. But friendship, now that, Ellie, lasts forever.”
“Do you really believe friendship is better than love?”
He didn’t just believe it. He knew it in the deepest part of his soul. “Yes.”
The disappointment in her eyes made his shoulders bunch again, the muscles drawing so tightly together a knot formed in the middle of his back.
“The kind of marriage you’re suggesting isn’t for me. I want to build a home, a future and a life on the solid foundation of love. Anything less would be nothing more than existing.”
“Companionship has its advantages.”
“God intended marriage for more.”
Caleb had never heard Ellie speak that passionately before. As he stared into her expressive gaze, he felt a moment of regret.
“As much as I like and admire you, my answer is no. I won’t marry you.”
The sense of defeat that shot through him nearly dropped him to his knees.
“I understand.” He sensed he’d just lost something precious, something that might have been, were he a different man.
His friendship with Ellie was strong. Even Lizzie had noticed their connection. She’d accused him of having tender feelings for Everett’s little sister. Caleb had told his wife any tender feelings he had for Ellie were based on a bond that had been forged in childhood.
He’d meant what he said. They could have a built a good life together.
But she wanted more than he could give.
He’d had his chance at love. Despite dedicating all he had to making his marriage work, it had failed. Love had only complicated matters, not helped. Lizzie’s constant dissatisfaction had thrown their home into chaos and his daughters had suffered. They were still suffering. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—risk their well-being again.
“I’m sorry, Caleb, truly I am.” Ellie’s voice went soft. “I hope we can remain friends.”
“Always.”
“Then in the spirit of friendship, I have a counteroffer. A compromise, if you will.”
The shyness in her voice was downright adorable. Caleb found himself smiling in response. “What did you have in mind?”
“Let me take over for Betsy while she focuses on her sister. I’ll keep your house and watch your daughters until you find another solution, or—” She paused, before continuing, “a woman to marry, whichever comes first.”
Now that he’d allowed himself to think of Ellie as more than Everett’s little sister, Caleb couldn’t imagine anyone else in his home but her. Unfortunately, they wanted different arrangements. “That’s kind of you, but—”
“You need me, Caleb, and I’d really like to provide your daughters with a nice Christmas, one they’ll not soon forget.”
The smile she gave him radiated from the goodness of her heart.
He desperately wanted what she offered. For the girls. “It won’t be an imposition?”
She waved the question away with a flick of her wrist. “Until I find another teaching position, my days are relatively free of obligation.”
Her words caught him up short. “You’re planning to leave town again?”
The thought weighed heavy in his gut. The sensation felt like grief.
“I can’t stay in Thunder Ridge indefinitely, especially since the only teaching position is already taken. I’ve sent out a half-dozen queries. No replies yet, but I’m sure I’ll hear something soon.”
He thought he heard a note of humiliation in her voice. Not for the first time he wondered why she’d left her job in Colorado Springs.
“You truly want to leave Thunder Ridge?”
“It’s not that I want to go, but once my father marries Betsy I’ll be in the way.”
“Neither would want you leaving town on their account.”
“Perhaps you’re right, but newlyweds deserve time to themselves. I want them to enjoy one another and find their rhythm as a couple without me around. So you see. I’m perfectly available to step in for Betsy, at least temporarily.”
He’d rather her in his home on a permanent basis. It wasn’t meant to be.
“What do you say?” Ellie’s smile shot through him like a sharp knife slicing through gristle. “Will you allow me the honor of watching over your daughters and giving them a Christmas with all the trappings? One they won’t soon forget?”
Under the circumstances, he really didn’t have much of a choice. “We can give it a try.”
What could possibly go wrong?
“Oh, Caleb, I won’t let you down.” She beamed as if he’d given her a treasured gift.
She’d never looked more beautiful. Her pull was strong, more powerful than he’d previously understood.
A crack split open in his heart, giving him all sorts of reasons for regretting his decision. Not a single reservation had to do with his daughters.
“Unless you can think of a reason I shouldn’t start immediately, I’ll arrive at your house first thing tomorrow morning.”
He could think of a hundred things that could go wrong with this plan. Starting with the fact that he and Ellie were at cross-purposes, with no chance of resolving their differences.
Despite his misgivings, he found himself saying, “That’ll be fine.”
* * *
The night’s chill still clung on the air when Caleb greeted Ellie at his front door the next morning. Despite the early hour and the heavy mist swirling around her feet, she looked eager to begin the day.
As was becoming a regular occurrence, her smile did something to his gut. The sensation wasn’t altogether awful. Just being near Ellie made Caleb think of better days ahead, of endless possibilities, of hope for the future.
Problem was he’d given up on hope a long time ago, at least in terms of himself.