“She has a kid, too, so I can’t blame her for doing her best to disappear. It’s more of a surprise that women stick so long with a creep like that, especially when they have a child to think about.”
“Has Child Protective Services been involved?” Eve asked. “After a couple police visits, they might have been called to evaluate the safety of the child. If so, she may have thought she had to keep them informed about where she is.”
Expression arrested, Ben said, “I didn’t think of that. Good idea.”
Pleased, she nonetheless wrinkled her nose. “CPS, now, that’s a job I wouldn’t want. If I’m afraid of something bad happening because I let a child slip through the cracks, it’s a thousand times worse for them. Too often, they’re investigating really horrific situations. You know how hard it is to be sure you’re making the right call. More often than not, kids will deny abuse.”
“Because whatever family they have feels safer than unknown alternatives.”
She nodded, then smiled her thanks when the waitress brought drinks. “I’m glad you suggested this,” she said. “I don’t think I’d have been up to fine dining tonight.” She should have detoured to the restroom to brush her hair and fix her makeup, but there wasn’t a lot of point since she’d have had to walk right past him first, and he’d have gotten a good look at the real end-of-day Eve.
“You ever think about having a family of your own?” he asked. “It would be tough, putting in these kind of hours.”
The question sounded casual, but surprised her anyway. And—okay—made her feel a little giddy even though this was only a second date. Was he really asking whether she intended to have children?
No—wait. He might just be concerned about his daughter, assuming they were to get any more involved. Even so, that suggested he was thinking ahead, which was a good sign.
“Eventually, I would like to have a family,” she said. “And you’re right. When—if—that happens, I’d want to cut back to part-time or find an alternative. I know what it’s like not to be important to your own parents.” Hating the suddenly raw sound to her voice, seeing a shift in his expression, she gave a small shrug. “I think your Rachel is lucky. She seems so confident, and you’re good with her.”
His jaw tightened. “The divorce hit her hard.”
“Probably, but once she’s sure she can still count on both you and her mother, she’ll be fine.”
He looked hard at her. Didn’t he believe her? No—probably all he wanted to know was whether she was being sincere or was only trying to allay his worries.
Eve was glad that their food arrived before she felt compelled to start babbling. After spreading the napkin on her lap, she was tempted to change the subject altogether, but reminded herself he was the one to start talking about family and children.
“Do you miss her?” she asked.
His startled gaze flew to hers. “Nicole?” Then his expression was shuttered. “You mean Rachel. Yeah, I do. Every day. And Nicole...” He frowned and didn’t finish.
Eve knew better than to say anything.
“She keeps making plans on my weekend, figuring it won’t matter to anyone if we do a switch.”
“But it does.” A lump rose in Eve’s throat. “To you and Rachel both.”
Again he studied her with that unnerving intensity. “Why do you include Rachel? It’s always something fun Nicole has come up with. Another kid’s birthday party—and, no, I know she has no control over when Rachel’s friends schedule their parties. A play, a chance to go roller-skating. I sound like a jerk if I say no.”
“In the short term, Rachel wants to do something fun. But she also needs consistency. To be able to count on her time with you. Consistency, rules and routine form a...a foundation for kids. They need their parents to say, ‘This is how things will go,’ and stick to it.” She made a face. “And here’s the woman with no parenting experience lecturing you. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “You do know what happens when things go wrong and how to turn them around for a kid. In comparison, I suspect most parents do nothing but bumble along, hoping they aren’t screwing up.”
Eve laughed. “That’s mostly what social workers do, too, you know.”
His swift grin chased the shadows from his eyes and made her heart squeeze. “Don’t disillusion me.”
“Okay.”
He took a big bite, and she followed suit. A minute later, he said, “It was the hours that did my marriage in.”
Eve frowned and set down her sandwich. “Really?”
“You sound surprised. You must have read that cops have a really high divorce rate.”
“Well, sure I have, but I doubt the hours you put in are the main reason.”
“Women get tired of not being able to count on their husband being home for dinner or special occasions. Nicole claimed she felt like a single parent anyway. I think it’s not so much the long hours as that they’re erratic.”
“So are mine!”
“And you’ve never had a guy you were seeing think you ought to put him first?”
“If a man so much as suggested I should ditch some child’s problem to be on time for our dinner date, I’m the one who’d lose interest,” she said with spirit. “The kids I was dealing with at the end of the day today—they had to come first, if only temporarily.”
“People don’t always get that.”
He meant his wife didn’t get that. “You were a deputy when you got married.”
Ben looked wary. “I was.”
“You must have dated for a while first. Maybe lived together?”
This so wasn’t her business, Eve realized belatedly, but the whole idea made her mad. Love shouldn’t be conditional. What good would it be, then? All too often, she saw the damage done to children because parents or teachers or foster parents couldn’t love or accept them with their flaws. And wasn’t this the same thing, in a way? Ben’s ex-wife had loved him...until an aspect of who he was irritated her.
“We might have gotten married too soon,” Ben said, sounding constrained. “I was the one to push for it. Once I saw her again...” He shrugged.
He didn’t have to finish. He’d known his Nicole was the one. That’s what he was thinking.
And Eve was painfully jealous. Her fault for pursuing the subject of his ex-wife, but maybe it was just as well to know up front how things stood. What were the odds he’d ever feel so much for another woman?
Bailey didn’t have to wonder; she’d seen the difference. For Seth, Bailey would be the one-and-only instead of the fill-in Ben was probably looking for.
Ignoring the tight feeling in her chest, as if her rib cage had shrunk, Eve made herself say, “What from I’ve read, cops have other issues that affect their marriages. Alcoholism, chronic anger that may have to do with PTSD, a controlling nature to start with, a tendency to shut down around anyone but coworkers, the necessity of living with the awful things you see.”
He let out a sound that he might have intended as a laugh, but lacked all humor. “Gee, thanks. I feel like a real prize now.”
Eve made an impatient gesture. “I’m not talking about you. At least, not from what I’ve seen so far. You have talked to me about what you’re working on. A little bit about frustrations and doubts. You listen to me. You don’t seem to be a heavy drinker—”