Ruth Wilde had always been a person with obsessions: Odd Thomas, who was both her imaginary best friend and the main character from her favourite book written by Dean Koontz (she would soon finish this book for the hundred and fourth time); Westlife, her number-one favourite band, whose song ‘Flying without Wings’ helped her drown out the white noise and anxiety whenever it threatened to overcome her; mashed potatoes, white sliced loaf, bananas, ice cream – in fact any food that was white in colour; counting steps, always even.
Yes, Ruth Wilde did obsessions very well.
And now she had a new one. The most important one of all.
Her son.
She would be a good mother. She would fight for DJ when he could not fight for himself. She would keep him safe from the dangers that lurked in the dark shadows. She would make him laugh at least once a day. And she would love him as she had never been loved herself.
Yes, it was time. Ruth was ready to leave Wexford to make a new home for her family.
‘Just the two of us against the world, DJ,’ she whispered. She hit play on her CD player, letting Shane from Westlife’s voice fill the car. The words from, ‘Flying Without Wings’ had never felt more apt. For as long as Ruth had thought, she too had been looking for that something. Something to make her complete. She glanced at DJ again in the rear-view mirror and felt joyful satisfaction bubble its way up inside her.
If she had not chosen that exact second to do this, she might have noticed instead the man she’d just passed, walking with a rucksack on his back. And she might have stopped.
Tom did not notice the red car pass by him either, as he walked along the Estuary Road towards the N11. His head was full of the warnings his friend Ben had made earlier. They nipped and taunted him, whirling around in his brain, tangling everything up, until he could no longer make sense of anything.
‘If you don’t find something to light up the darkness, Tom, you’ll get lost in the shadows.’
But what if that was what he wanted? Tom didn’t believe he would ever feel peace again. He was bone tired from weeks of sleepless nights. Despite this, he kept on walking, putting one foot in front of the other. His pace was steady and a few hours later he arrived in the town of Enniscorthy. Tom’s feet were beginning to protest about the long walk. A throb in his right little toe and left heel set up residence. He welcomed the pain.
He walked over the Seamus Rafter Bridge, leaving the banks of the River Slaney behind him. He glanced at Enniscorthy Castle on his right then made his way towards Main Street.
It was late, the last of the daylight now swallowed up by the night. He didn’t plan to end up here, but somehow he’d found himself in the grounds of St Aidan’s Cathedral. He walked to a small clearing in the shadow of the big church and sat down, his back against the cold stone wall.
For in that sleep of death what dreams will come. That’s what Shakespeare had written. Tom hoped he was right. Because if so, Cathy was living the life they had dreamed they would have. The life that had been cruelly snatched from them. Wouldn’t that be something?
Close your eyes.
– Cathy?
Yes, my love.
– Are you here?
Remember what I told you. If you close your eyes, the dreams will come.
– I don’t know how.
Yes, you do. We’re waiting for you, Tom. Come home to us.
Tom didn’t make a conscious decision to sleep outdoors. The night just crept up on him. To his surprise, on the hard, concrete ground with the cold brick of the Cathedral to his back, he finally found a different kind of peace and the sleep that had eluded him for weeks.
And in that sleep the dreams did come.
Cathy stood a few feet away from him, carrying Mikey. He ran towards them and pulled them both into his arms.
Daddy’s home. I’ll never leave you again.
Now
‘Err, what’s it supposed to be, Mam?’ DJ asked.
Ruth flicked on her tablet and pointed to an image on Pinterest. Their eyes flicked back and forth between the green chequered fondant perfectly encasing the square Minecraft cake on screen, and the mound of brown, black and green smudged squares that covered Ruth’s cake in front of them. Four hours of baking, dyeing fondant, cutting, moulding. And for all that effort she had what looked like a patchwork quilt made by a four-year-old. Ten candles leaned to the left, perilously close to a sugary grave.
It was DJ’s tenth birthday. A milestone that deserved celebrating. And not with a big mess of a cake. Was he cross with her? She peered at her son’s face, trying to determine his mood, as he contemplated the cake in front of him. His face broke into a big grin and he pointed to the tablet screen, then back to Ruth’s cake, and said, ‘Nailed it!’
Ruth repeated his words with relief and then they both said it together, ‘Nailed it!’, each time making them snort a little louder. This went on until they clutched their sides, the pain from a laughter stitch doubling them over.
‘Thanks for trying, Mam. It probably tastes all right. But don’t give up the day job!’
Ruth felt a rush of emotion for the boy DJ was now and the man he was on his way to becoming. The past ten years had gone too quickly. One moment a baby in her arms. Now, on the brink of opening a door to adulthood.
‘You have to blow out the candles,’ Ruth said.
‘Aren’t I too old for that?’
‘Never too old for candles and wishes.’ Ruth lit the wonky wax sticks one by one.
His nose scrunched up as it always did when he was thinking. His father had done the same too. She remembered that much, even if some things had become a bit faded with time. A shared mannerism between father and son despite the fact that they had never met.
‘Make a wish, DJ,’ Ruth whispered.
With one big puff, DJ blew out the ten candles all at once, as Ruth sang ‘Happy Birthday To You’.
She reached under the kitchen table and pulled out a basket of gifts all wrapped prettily in blue paper with a perfectly formed red bow tied on top. DJ quickly counted them. Ten. His mam always bought him a gift for each year, even though he always told her she shouldn’t.
‘Thanks, Mam,’ he said, ripping the paper from the first parcel.
Ruth’s eyes never left him, drinking in his every reaction as he opened the gifts one by one. A football jersey, a journal, a Rubik’s Cube, a book, artist’s pencils, a sketch pad, a bar of Galaxy, a new T-shirt, and a pair of bright, stripy socks.
‘I know what this one is,’ DJ said, as he pulled the paper off the last gift. He nodded in satisfaction when it revealed a book of raffle tickets. A sticker, with a message written in Ruth’s neat handwriting, covered the front of the book: One strip can be redeemed for a hug at any time. He didn’t have a birthday memory that didn’t include a version of this gift. He had never spoken about this arrangement with his friends in school, suspecting, correctly, that they would find it strange. It was just the way