Erik knocked on the door and William looked up. ‘Yes, Sergeant Major?’
‘If you have a minute, sir?’ he asked.
William waved him to a chair and Erik sat. ‘What is it?’
‘Nothing to do with training,’ said Erik. ‘That’s going well. It’s a personal matter.’
William sat back. His expression was neutral. While serving together, each man had occasionally let the other glimpse some facet of his personal life, but neither had intentionally opened a conversation on a personal subject. ‘I’m listening,’ said the Knight-Marshal of Krondor.
‘I know this girl, and, well, if you don’t mind, I just need to talk about being a soldier and getting married.’
William said nothing for a moment, then he nodded. ‘It’s a difficult choice. Some handle family matters well. Others don’t.’ He paused. ‘The man who held this office before me, Gardan, was once a sergeant like yourself. He served Lord Borric, Duke of Crydee, when my father was a child there. He came to Krondor with Prince Arutha and rose to this office. All the while he was married.’
‘How did he do with it?’
‘Well, all things considered,’ said William. ‘He had some children, one of whom became a soldier like him. He died in the sacking of the Far Coast.’
Remembering what his stepfather, Nathan, had told him of those days, Erik knew that many had died during those raids. ‘Gardan was already dead by then. Some of the other children survived, I believe.’
William rose and closed the door behind Erik, and came to sit on the edge of his desk. Erik noticed that apart from the formal tabard of his office, the Knight-Marshal elected to wear a common soldier’s uniform, without markings of rank. ‘Look, with what’s coming …’ William began. He fought for words, then said, ‘Is any sort of relationship wise?’
‘Wise or not, I have it,’ said Erik. ‘I’ve never felt this way before about a girl.’
William smiled, and for a moment Erik saw years drop from the man. ‘I remember.’
‘If you don’t mind my asking, have you ever been married, sir?’
‘No,’ said William, and there was a hint of regret in his voice. ‘My life never seemed to have room for a family.’
He moved to his own chair and sat. ‘Truth to tell, my family hasn’t had much room for me.’
‘Your father?’ asked Erik.
William nodded. ‘Time was we didn’t speak to each other from anger. We’ve since gotten over that. But it’s hard. If you’d ever met my father, you’d think he was my son. He looks but ten years older than you.’ William sighed. ‘The ironic thing, it turns out, was that becoming a soldier, as I did, had been his own boyhood dream. He insisted I study magic.’
William smiled. ‘Can you imagine growing up somewhere where everyone practices magic, or is married to someone who does, or is the son or daughter of someone who does?’
Erik shook his head. ‘It must run in your family, though. I met your sister.’
William smiled ruefully. ‘Another irony. Gamina’s adopted into our family. And she’s far more adept at things magical than I.
‘I have one pitiful talent. I can speak with animals. They tend toward short, uninteresting conversations. Except Fantus, of course.’
At mention of the firedrake, Erik said, ‘I haven’t seen him around the palace lately.’
‘He comes and goes as it pleases him. And if I ask him where he’s been, he pointedly ignores me.’
Erik said, ‘I still don’t feel any closer to a decision than I did before.’
William said, ‘I know that feeling, too. There was a young magician from Stardock, a girl from the desert stock of the Jal-Pur, who came to study with my father when I was a boy. She was two years older than I.
‘She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, dark skin and eyes the color of coffee. She moved like a dancer and her laughter was musical.
‘I was smitten the first time I saw her. She knew me as the Master’s son, Pug’s boy, and she knew I was infatuated with her. I followed her around, making a pest of myself. She put up with me with good grace, but after a while I think I wore her nerves thin.’
William gazed out the window that overlooked the courtyard and said, ‘I think her indifference to my plight was one of the big reasons I chose to leave Stardock and come to Krondor.’ He smiled in remembrance. ‘She came two years later.’
Erik raised an eyebrow in question.
‘Prince Arutha’s father had a magical adviser, a wonderful old character named Kulgan. Far from the most powerful magician around, he may have been among the most intelligent. He was like a grandfather to me in many ways. His death hit my father very hard. Anyway, Prince Arutha decided he wanted a magical adviser in his court, so he asked Pug to send his best to Krondor. Father surprised everyone by sending her instead of one of the masters; I thought at first he was sending her to check up on me.’ He smiled ruefully in memory.
William was almost laughing as he went on, ‘You can imagine the consternation among the nobles when she showed up and turned out not only to be Keshian, but to be distantly related to one of the most powerful noble lords among the desertmen of the Jal-Pur. It took Prince Arutha’s iron will to force the court into accepting her.’
William sighed. ‘Things got very difficult here the day she showed up, some things I can’t talk about, but suffice it to say by the time we were done she and I had learned we were very different people than we had been at Stardock. We also discovered that my feelings hadn’t changed, and I was astonished to discover that the two years apart had changed the way she looked at me. We became lovers.’
Erik said nothing for a moment as William became lost in a moment of remembering.
‘We were together for six years.’
‘What happened?’
‘She died.’
Erik said, ‘If you don’t want to talk about it –’
‘I don’t,’ interrupted William.
Erik looked uncomfortable. ‘Well, I’ll go, sir. I didn’t mean to open old wounds.’
William waved away the apology before it came. ‘You didn’t. Those wounds are with me every day and they are always open. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never wed.’
As he reached the door, Erik said, ‘If you don’t mind my asking, sir, what was her name?’
Without looking at Erik, still staring out the window, William said, ‘Jezharra.’
Erik closed the door behind him. As he walked along the corridor leading to the marshaling yard, he considered the conversation. No closer to knowing what he should do, he decided to put his mind to the matters before him and let his feelings for Kitty come as they might.