It was all well and good for her grandmother and sisters to promise backup, but Emily was in Los Angeles, Samantha in New York and her grandmother here in Sand Castle Bay. Obviously they wouldn’t be dropping by to babysit if she returned to her life in Raleigh and a new demanding job. A high-paying job, she reminded herself. She could afford a nanny or the best day care in town, if it came to that, she decided with a sigh of relief.
Wade regarded her curiously. “What was that for?”
“Just mentally solving a problem. Sorry.”
“Care to share?”
“No need. Just thinking, though, that Louise is lucky to have you around.”
“I’ll always be here for her,” Wade said. “I like her kids. I’ll be honest, though. When Jason came along, about a year after my baby would have been born, I had a little trouble at first. Louise already had four fantastic children, and I’d lost my one and only chance for a baby. It didn’t seem fair. It took me a while to accept that life isn’t always fair and that none of it was that baby’s fault, or Louise’s. I still feel bad that I steered clear for a while.”
Gabi liked that he had an actual flaw, one he could acknowledge. Up to now he’d seemed almost too good to be true; such a vast improvement over Paul, it made him a little too attractive.
“It sounds to me as if you were just being human,” she told him. “We all feel resentful from time to time. At least you saw that you were being unreasonable and made peace with them.”
Wade nodded toward the house. “Speaking of family dynamics, how’s it going in there?”
“Surprisingly well,” she admitted. “Dad didn’t keel over when he found out I’m pregnant. He actually offered to pay for Emily’s wedding, albeit the suggestion had come from Grandmother. And he was openminded about talking to Jimmy. I stayed with them for a few minutes, long enough to see that the second Jimmy realized what my dad does in the biomedical field, he had a million questions.”
Wade shook his head. “Does that kid astonish you every time he opens his mouth? He’s really something.”
“Dad’s clearly impressed. When I came to look for you, they were actually discussing some journal article Jimmy said he’d read online. There’s not a doubt in my mind that Dad will do everything in his power to see Jimmy gets one of those scholarships. In fact, I wish he’d shown half as much interest in my career.”
Wade frowned at that. “He didn’t?”
Gabi shook her head. “Not to belabor the point, but I did everything I could think of to impress him, to follow in his footsteps, not as a biomedical guru, but working in the industry. He was oblivious. He wouldn’t even help me get a job at his company after graduation, even though I was more than qualified.”
“Why would he do that?” Wade asked.
“He said it would be awkward, that it would be perceived as nepotism.”
“I’ll bet that hurt.”
“It did,” she admitted. “Now, though, I get it. What if he’d been the one who had to fire me because I got pregnant? Can you imagine?”
“Do you think he would have?”
“Not a doubt in my mind,” she said instantly, then hesitated. “Though he didn’t react the way I’d expected him to when I told him I’d lost my job. He almost seemed to be on my side.”
“Sounds as if the dad gene kicked in,” Wade said.
Gabi smiled. “That was exactly it. It sure wasn’t what I’d expected, given our history.”
“So, what’s next?” Wade asked.
“Lunch should be ready any minute,” she told him.
He smiled. “I meant for you. How’s that plan of yours coming along?”
Gabi sighed. “It’s not. To be frank, I haven’t got the first clue about my next step.”
“I had a feeling that’s what you were going to say,” Wade said.
“Why?”
“Because all this focus on Jimmy was clearly a way to avoid dealing with your own situation.”
Gabi was about to argue the point, but then realized she couldn’t. Not really. “You’re probably right. I did see a chance to help someone who really deserves it. It was a situation I actually thought I might be able to control, while my own?” She shrugged. “Not so much.”
“And control really matters to you?”
“Of my life? Sure. What about you? Don’t you like to know where you’re headed, what you need to do to get there?”
“Not really. I tend to take things a day at a time, especially the past couple of years. I got hit upside the head with a lesson in what really matters. I also learned the hard way how little control we really have over those things.”
Perplexed, she studied him, wondering how he could possibly live with the uncertainty. “But what drives you?”
Wade laughed. “I suppose I’m not driven, not the way you mean. I don’t have huge ambitions. What I do have are things I love to do and a lifestyle that allows me to do them.”
It was a laid-back concept that was totally alien to her. “I don’t understand.”
“Because you’ve always had a plan,” he teased, then added quickly, “And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
“But you say it as if it is,” she accused. “Structure’s important to me. The past couple of weeks since I left my job, the lack of structure and focus has almost driven me crazy. I don’t know what to do with myself, so I do nothing.”
“Maybe that’s what you need to be doing right now,” he said.
“Nothing?”
“Exactly. Sometimes the best way to hear what’s going on deep inside yourself is to be very quiet and still.”
“You must not do nothing the way I do,” she said in frustration. “I have about a million voices yelling at me to get busy, and not a one of them so far telling me what it is I should be doing. I need to sort through all that noise and make that plan. I should be updating my résumé, making lists of companies where I could inquire about jobs, start networking again.”
“If you know all that, why aren’t you doing it?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess I’m not ready. Or I’m afraid they’ll all have the same reaction to me being pregnant.”
“Or maybe it’s not what you really want anymore,” Wade suggested quietly.
Gabi frowned, genuinely shocked by the suggestion. “What?”
He grinned. “A scary thought after all that careful planning for so many years, huh?”
“Of course it’s what I want,” she insisted, though there was no mistaking the defensive note that had crept into her voice. She recognized that as a clear sign she wasn’t as sure of herself as she wanted to be.
“Then why haven’t you printed out the résumés or made those calls?”
“I’ve been...”
“Busy? That’s not what you said.”
She scowled at him. “Who needs a shrink when you’re around?”
He laughed. “Just throwing out a few things for you to consider. I don’t know you that well. Maybe I’ve gotten it all wrong.”
“You have,” she said flatly. “In fact, first thing tomorrow, I’m going to come up with a new plan.” She nodded