“You’ll come work for me,” Joseph said. “I have a baby girl of my own. Catherine. The joy she brings me...well, I would do anything to help another man keep that for himself.”
The defeat on Rose’s face almost made Silas tell Joseph he’d find another way. But he couldn’t. Not with the little girl tugging on his shirt.
“Down!”
“It’s all right,” Frank said. “She won’t hurt anything in here. We have enough children in the parlor that we’ve put away everything a child might damage.”
More reassurances, like the ones Maddie had given when they’d first arrived.
“Thank you.” Silas put Milly down. “The Garretts were always particular about letting Milly run around. I suppose I’m still figuring out what’s reasonable for her.”
Milly made a beeline for the sofa where Rose sat. The expression on Rose’s face went from dejection to horror as Milly raced toward her. But what could Silas say? Don’t sit next to the lady because you’re the daughter of the person she hates most in this world?
Just before she reached Rose, Milly stumbled on the edge of the carpet, sending her sprawling into the sofa.
Before Silas could react, Rose jumped up and pulled Milly into her arms.
Silas couldn’t see Milly’s face, but he knew she was trying to decide whether or not to cry.
“There now, you’re a big brave girl, aren’t you?” Rose cuddled Milly in her arms as she sat back on the sofa. “Do you see why we don’t run in the house?”
The light blond head bobbed in agreement. Rose continued cradling Milly as though she’d forgotten whose child she held.
“Did you have fun in the kitchen with Maddie?” Rose brushed Milly’s hair with her fingers, and Silas realized as Rose seemed to examine the little girl intently, she was making sure Milly wasn’t injured.
Rose kissed the top of Milly’s head. “Not even a bump.”
Milly wiggled in Rose’s arms. “I sit big chair.”
The smile Rose gave his daughter reminded Silas of why he’d thought Rose would make a good mother. There was a compassion within her that seemed to understand instinctively what a child needed. Deeper than that, though, was that her heart seemed to flow with a never-ending love for children.
Rose relaxed her hold on Milly and allowed the little girl to scoot over to the unoccupied portion of the sofa. Milly preened as she adjusted herself to a comfortable position, her little legs not even reaching the edge of the seat. Milly smiled, a wide grin flashing a mouth full of baby teeth.
“I big girl,” Milly declared, her gaze sweeping the room.
She’d never been allowed to sit on the sofa in the parlor at the Garretts’ home. They’d told Milly little girls weren’t allowed in the room, and she spent most of her time confined to the nursery.
“You sure are,” Rose said, giving Milly an affectionate pat. She turned her gaze to Silas, finally looking at him. “I don’t think she was injured in her fall.”
It hadn’t occurred to Silas that Milly would have been hurt, but he smiled at Rose all the same. “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness toward my daughter.”
“Of course. She’s a sweet girl.” Rose’s expression softened further, and as Silas studied her face, he realized once again what a difficult position he’d put her in.
Back when they were courting, they used to talk about the family they’d have together. Silas had always said he wanted a daughter with dark hair, like Rose, but Rose had always insisted that she wanted a son who resembled him.
Why had he spoken such foolishness? Oh, he’d meant the words when he spoke them. Had fervently wanted them to come true. But he’d known what his father wanted, what his family needed. He’d hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t come to the eventuality of his marriage to Annie, but it was all for naught.
He never shared any of this with Rose, never gave her the option of protecting her heart. All this time, he’d justified his actions by saying he’d only been lying to himself. But as he watched her interact with the little girl he once told her they’d have together, his heart ached. He knew that he’d lied to her, as well.
* * *
Rose was grateful when Matthew’s cries gave her an excuse to leave the room. Ordinarily, his fussiness would have frustrated her. Little Catherine had started sleeping through the night ages ago, but Matthew staunchly refused to sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. She yawned as she picked him up out of his cradle. Usually, she just kept him with her because it hardly seemed worth the effort to continue going up and down. But today, with her emotions racing all over the place, taking care of her son gave her the respite she needed.
“There, now, sweet fellow. Mama’s here.” She picked him up and cradled him against her. She hadn’t been lying when she’d said that having Matthew made up for all that she’d gone through, all the wrongs that had happened in her life.
Even now, when the brief pause in her routine gave her body room to remind her how exhausted she was, Rose still wouldn’t change any of it.
Would her life be different had Silas gone through with his plan to marry her?
Undoubtedly.
But as Matthew smiled up at her, Rose couldn’t imagine wanting that life anymore.
Matthew settled in her arms, and she thought about the little girl she’d held only a short time before. Milly. Silas clearly loved her the way she loved Matthew. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t make herself continue to hate him.
Forgiveness.
No, she didn’t feel it in her heart. In fact, she still wanted to rail at him and tell him of all the hurt she’d experienced as a result of her broken heart. But that wasn’t the way of forgiveness. It wasn’t the way of Jesus.
Although it didn’t say so explicitly, Rose knew that the part where the Bible talked about leaving everything behind for the sake of following Him also meant letting go of her old grudges. Including the one she had against Silas.
Easier said than done.
But with the Lord’s help, she’d keep trying, not for his sake, because he didn’t deserve her mercy, but because of the mercy that had been given to her.
“Rose?” Maddie appeared in the doorway. “Frank was hoping you’d rejoin them in the parlor. I believe they want you to be a part of the discussion.”
Rose nodded slowly, adjusting the baby in her arms. It seemed that God wanted her to keep facing this, to keep dealing with the pain and the hurt until it went away. So be it.
“Do you want me to take Matthew for you? We could go outside in the sun for a while. It might improve his disposition.”
The concerned look on the older woman’s face wasn’t meant as a criticism, but an honest offer of help. Everyone in the Lassiter house had taken turns up with Matthew all night in hopes that someone could get him to sleep. His fussing would be a distraction in the room with the others, but Rose couldn’t bear to give him up. Not when he served as a reminder that every wound, every moment she suffered, and yes, every mistake, was worth it.
“I’ll be fine.” She adjusted the baby in her arms as she handed him his favorite rattle. It would keep him occupied for a short time at least.
Maddie pursed her lips disapprovingly, and she was probably right to do so. But Matthew wasn’t fussing now, and Rose needed the comfort of the baby in her arms.
She carried him to the parlor, where everyone seemed to be in cheerful conversation. Uncle Frank had found a doll for Milly to play with,