Here he paused and cast a speculative eye over Joe. He seemed to be meditating a parting utterance. Joe paid close attention in case at last a clue was going to be offered.
But Young Fair Gods speak only in riddles.
‘There’s a shorts dispensation during the hot weather for those with the legs to stand it, but they have to be tailored, of course. Myself, I just love the parrots. Bye.’
And he was gone, leaving only a faint aroma of something too pleasant to be called aftershave in a slender zone of coolth, both of which the nuzzling heat gobbled up in a few seconds.
A Willie Day
Joe sat for a moment wondering if it had all been a desert mirage brought on by heat exhaustion. But the crisp notes remained on his desk, and now further confirmation burst into the office in the attractive shape of Beryl Boddington, his in-out girlfriend, one vision authenticating another.
‘And who was that gorgeous creature?’ she demanded, hurrying past Joe to peer out of the window. ‘Saw the fancy wheels outside and soon as I clocked him on the stairs I thought, he’s the man. Yeah, there he goes.’
Joe swept the money out of sight into his shorts pocket, then joined Beryl at the window.
Below, Porphyry was vaulting into an Aston DB9 Volante parked behind Joe’s Morris Oxford. His golden hair bounced and shimmered in the midday sun. It was like looking down at a shampoo ad. As he pulled away he glanced up, smiled and waved.
Beryl waved back with huge enthusiasm.
‘That’s solved one problem,’ she said. ‘Now I know what I want for my birthday.’
‘The car?’ suggested Joe.
‘That too,’ she said. ‘Come on. Tell me who he is. I’m sure I’ve seen him before. If he’s not a movie star, he surely ought to be.’
‘Oh, he’s just a client,’ said Joe negligently. ‘If I take him on, that is.’
Maybe he should have felt jealous, but not in this weather. Anyway where was the harm in someone fantasizing about what was out of their reach, long as they stayed happy with what was in it? His trouble with Beryl was the way she hovered on the boundary of out and in. Sometimes she kept him at a distance, other times they were so close that if they’d been any closer they’d have fused. His mind drifted back to the last such occasion and he found as he studied her sturdy yet well shaped body in its very becoming blue-and-white nurse’s uniform that this heat wasn’t totally enervating after all.
‘Don’t I get a kiss then?’ he said.
‘Not in those shorts, you don’t,’ said Beryl. ‘Surely you know the guy’s name?’
‘Porphyry,’ said Joe, wishing she wouldn’t go on about the YFG. ‘I could always take them off.’
‘Don’t even dream about it. Porphyry. Of course! I knew I’d seen him. His picture was on the front page of the Bedfordshire Bugle last week. He’s just got engaged. Damn!’
‘Maybe I can catch you on the rebound,’ said Joe. ‘So why’s he important enough to get his picture on the front page just because he’s got engaged?’
‘Well, first, he’s gorgeous; second, his family have been around the county for ever and a day; and third, he’s got engaged to Tiff Emerson whose daddy owns nearly everything in the media that Rupert Murdoch doesn’t, including the Bugle. Where you been, Joe?’
‘Maybe I’ve got more important things than gossip columns to fill my mind.’
‘Such as?’ she demanded, looking around the office. ‘So much dust on that filing cabinet, don’t think it’s been opened since Christmas.’
‘So you’re a detective now,’ said Joe. ‘First thing you should learn is, the real important cases, nothing goes down on paper.’
‘What real important cases?’ she laughed.
‘Like the one I’m meeting Mr Porphyry, Chris, to discuss over lunch tomorrow,’ he said triumphantly.
It worked. For a moment she looked impressed.
Then she shrugged and said, ‘Well, that’s a pity, ’cos that’s why I dropped in to see you. I’ve got to break our date tonight. They’re short-staffed at the hospital and need me to do an extra shift. I was going to suggest that maybe if you could find time in your busy schedule we could go somewhere nice and cool for a drink and a sandwich tomorrow lunch, but seeing as how you’re engaged, I’d better look elsewhere. Bye, Joe.’
She headed for the door. He tried to think of something to say to halt her.
‘I can always cancel,’ he said.
‘Let Chris Porphyry down? Don’t be stupid, Joe.’
But she was obviously touched by the thought that he’d do this for her and when he moved forward to kiss her, she didn’t back off even though she was right about the shorts. But her mind was still dwelling on the YFG.
‘You must be on the up, Joe, getting clients like that. Where are you meeting him?’
‘Some club I never heard of called the Who. You any idea where it is?’
She thought a moment then began to laugh.
‘That’s not a club like you think of a club, Joe. That will be the Hoo, aitch oh oh, the Royal Hoo Golf Club. That is seriously posh.’
‘Yeah? A posh golf club?’ He considered the idea dubiously. ‘Any idea how I get there?’
‘You could try bank robbery and a skin graft. Sorry. Head out on the Upleck road till you hit the bypass, then get off at the big roundabout; it’s along one of those little roads no one ever uses, don’t recollect which one, but you’ll know you’re getting close by the watch towers and the big signs saying No Hawkers, Vendors or Racial Minorities. They’re particular what people wear too, I dare say.’
She glanced significantly at his shorts, which were resuming normal service.
‘He said there was a dispensation in the hot weather,’ protested Joe.
‘For those you don’t need a dispensation, more like a disposal unit,’ said Beryl. ‘You ever play golf, Joe?’
‘May have done,’ said Joe, reluctant to admit that what he knew about the game could have been written on the point of a tee peg. Football was the only sport he had any real interest in, and nowadays his active participation there consisted of shouting advice at his beloved Luton City FC and singing Songs from the Shows on Supporters’ Club social nights.
‘Oh yeah?’ she said. ‘So what’s your handicap, Tiger? Apart from not being able to see the ball over your belly.’
She didn’t wait for a response but ran laughing down the stairs.
‘Why shouldn’t I be a good golfer?’ Joe called after her, stung by the reference to his waistline. ‘Lot of things about me you don’t know.’
Which, considering Beryl’s intimacy with his Aunt Mirabelle, wasn’t likely to be true, but a man was entitled to his dignity.
His musings were interrupted by the screech of the office phone.
He picked it up and said, ‘Sixsmith Investigations. We’re here to help you.’
‘Today it’s me helping you, Joe,’ said a man’s voice.