Still…
Starting her car, Shelly pulled off the handbrake and indicated to turn right, gliding into the afternoon traffic as she headed for her doctor’s appointment, for an afternoon of scans and blood tests, an afternoon of being prodded and poked in a futile attempt to obtain a different version. A little piece of news that might brighten Neil’s day. But no amounts of scans, no amount of technology or statistics were going to change the outcome. Their baby was handicapped, and no amount of wishing was going to change that fact.
But she could still have dreams for him.
Ross’s words washed over her, a soothing interlude in an awful day. And in the weeks and months that followed they comforted her with increasing regularity, a life raft to cling to in the turbulent times that followed.
She could still have dreams for her son.
‘SORRY, darling.’ Marlene put down her basket on the hall floor and haphazardly deposited a kiss on Shelly’s cheek. ‘The match went on for ever.’
Shelly gave her mother an easy smile to show there was no harm done. ‘I’ve got plenty of time before my shift starts. Is Dad still there?’
‘Of course,’ Marlene replied crisply, with a slight edge to her voice. ‘This twilight tennis competition is supposed to be a combined effort for the two of us to get fit, yet your father undoes all of the hard work in one fell swoop. He’s in the clubhouse guzzling beers and eating lamingtons as I speak. Goodness, Shelly,’ Marlene said, finally looking at her daughter properly for the first time since she’d arrived. ‘You look nice—very nice, in fact! What have you done to your hair?’
‘I just put a bit of mousse in it in when I washed it,’ Shelly answered vaguely as Marlene gave her a rather sceptical look.
‘I’ll have to try some. Where’s Matthew?’
‘Asleep.’ Shelly rolled her eyes. ‘At long last. But I think this new routine is finally starting to work. I gave him his bath at seven, read his blessed book five times and now he’s out like a light.’
‘Oh, really?’ Marlene’s face broke into a wide grin and she gestured behind Shelly. ‘So who’s this, then?’
‘Matthew,’ Shelly wailed. ‘You’re supposed to be asleep.’
Holding up his dog-eared book, Matthew’s podgy little face broke into a wide and very engaging smile, instantly dousing Shelly’s irritation. ‘Wun, wun,’ he begged.
‘No more run, run,’ Shelly corrected, smiling despite herself. ‘The little gingerbread man is fast asleep now and so should you be.’
‘Wun, wun.’ Matthew insisted, his grin widening as he saw Marlene. ‘Nanny.’
‘Yes, darling.’ Marlene scooped her grandson into her arms. ‘Nanny’s looking after you tonight while Mummy goes to work.’ Marlene pulled Matthew closer, whispering loudly in his ear so that Shelly could hear. ‘Or at least that’s where she says she’s going, but I’ve never seen Mummy looking quite so stunning for a shift on the children’s ward!’
‘Mum,’ Shelly moaned. ‘Don’t talk like that—you’ll confuse him.’
‘I’m just teasing,’ Marlene soothed, turning her attention back to Matthew. ‘Now, give Mummy a big kiss goodnight and we’ll wave goodbye to her, then how about we go and see if there’s any nice biscuits in the cupboard?’
‘Mum.’ Shelly’s voice had a warning note to it which Marlene dismissed with a wave of her hand.
‘The biscuits are for me, darling. Why should your father be the only one ruining his waistline? I’m going to have a nice cuppa then I’ll read Matthew his story. You go off to work. Don’t worry about us two, we’ll be fine.’
‘I know,’ Shelly admitted, giving Marlene a quick kiss before lingering a while longer with Matthew’s. ‘Love you, Matthew.’ He smelt of baby soap and lotion and as she kissed him gently Shelly wondered, not for the first time, how she could bear to go to work and leave him. Reluctantly Shelly picked up her bag and, turning in the doorway, she forced a cheerful wave. ‘If one of those biscuits does happen to find its way to Matthew…’
‘I know,’ Marlene sighed. ‘Make sure I brush his teeth.’ Holding up one of Matthew’s hands, she guided him into a wave as Shelly opened the car door, the tempting scent of a neighbour’s barbeque wafting over the fence. Even though it was nudging eight-thirty, it was still so light Shelly wouldn’t even need to put on her headlights, and it would have been so tempting not to go, to curl up on the sofa with Matthew and read him his beloved book.
Not that Matthew would thank her for it, Shelly mused as she turned onto the freeway and headed towards the hospital, Matthew would be having the time of his little life right now, gorging on biscuits and dancing around the lounge with his eccentric grandmother, who would end in one night the routine Shelly had been so painfully attempting to implement.
‘Who are you trying to kid?’ Shelly mumbled, rallying slightly as she caught sight of herself in the rearview mirror, her pale eyelashes gone for ever, or at least the next couple of months, thanks to this afternoon’s tint. As tempting as a cuddle on the sofa with Matthew might be, tonight, for the first time in ages, she couldn’t wait to get to work. Putting her foot down slightly, Shelly felt a tremble of excitement somewhere in the pit of her stomach as the signs for the hospital loomed ever closer, the brightly lit building coming into view, the hub of staff outside Emergency indicating something serious was on its way in. A security guard indicated for Shelly to clear the entrance road. Pulling over, she sat in her car patiently waiting as an ambulance flew past, its flashing blue lights adding to the theatre of it all, watching as the emergency staff leapt forward to greet it. Shelly felt the bubble of excitement in her stomach rapidly expand.
Chisholm Hospital had never looked so exciting!
‘Thank goodness you’re on tonight, Shelly.’ Melissa patted the seat beside her at the nurses’ station. ‘I’ve had agency staff with me every night this week—it will be nice to have someone who actually knows the place.’
‘You smell nice.’ Turning, she smiled at Shelly who sat blushing as red as her hair. ‘You look lovely too—been to the hairdressers?’
‘No,’ Shelly lied. ‘You’re just used to seeing me coming on an early shift at seven in the morning.’
‘Hmm.’ Melissa looked at her knowingly but didn’t push further. ‘So, how many nights are you down for?’
‘You’re stuck with me for a month.’ Shelly rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve been avoiding it for ages so it had to catch up with me sooner or later. Tania rang me at home this morning and told me you were tearing your hair out.’
‘I was and I know it’s probably the last thing you need right now, but I for one am glad you said yes to a stint on nights.’
‘I really didn’t have any choice.’ Shelly shrugged. ‘There’s been a big fat zero beside my name where night shifts have been concerned recently. Bring back the old days, I can’t stand internal rotation.’
‘Sounds painful!’
Shelly let out a gurgle of laughter and stood up delightedly. ‘Ross!’
‘The one and only.’
‘Only you could find a sexual connotation with the nursing roster! So how are you finding it? Back in civilisation after all this time?’
‘I’ve had a very civilised couple of years, thank you very much,’ Ross corrected, wagging his finger playfully. ‘There’s a bit more to the outback than tents