As she slowly warmed to him, Larten introduced her to Gavner, who was a sullen, quiet boy. Gavner knew Larten preferred silence and a sense of distance, so he was more withdrawn than most children. Like all young boys, he craved love, but having received none from the man who refused to act as his father, he hoped to earn Larten’s approval by behaving as coldly as the adult did.
Larten didn’t tell Alicia that he was hoping to give away the boy. Instead he told her that Gavner was the son of an old friend and that he’d vowed to look after the orphan when his parents died. He let her think it was his intention to bring up Gavner on his own.
“Why are you so hard on him?” Alicia asked not long after she got to know the child. “You’re kind and gentle with me. Why not with Gavner?”
“I raise him the way I was raised,” Larten answered stiffly. “Discipline is good for a growing boy.”
“But you push him away every time he tries to get close to you,” she said.
Larten grunted sourly, but inside he was smiling. As he had hoped, Alicia made even more of an effort with Gavner, encouraging him to smile, laugh, play and enjoy the world. A bond grew between them, and although Alicia was young and free, with hopes of having children of her own one day, she didn’t hesitate when Larten asked if she wished to take the boy and rear him as her son.
That should have been the end of the matter. Larten had finally rid himself of his charge and was free to search for a place in the wide, lonely world. But he had grown fond of Alicia, so he made one excuse after another to stay. Weeks became months, and months became years. He still occasionally spoke of leaving, but it had been a long time since he’d truly meant it. He had found unexpected peace in Paris, and while he refused to admit it, deep down he hoped to stay with Alicia to the end of her relatively short, normal life.
They returned home after Larten’s adventure in the aircraft, still laughing. Alberto Santos-Dumont was a good friend of Alicia’s. She couldn’t understand his obsession with building the first proper aircraft (“The Wrights use catapults to launch their clumsy contraptions! How can that be a real aircraft?” he would protest whenever the American pioneers were mentioned), but she enjoyed watching the machines that he built, especially when they got off the ground. Larten didn’t normally come with her when she visited Alberto – he preferred night pursuits to those of the day – but he was fascinated by her reports. When he’d casually declared that any fool could fly the simple aircraft, she put the challenge to Alberto and convinced him to let Larten try the 14-bis one bright, moonlit night.
“You could be an aircraft operator,” Alicia joked as they let themselves in. “Alberto says there will be large aircraft soon, with seats for passengers. You could get a job flying people from one town to another.”
“Alberto lives in a fantasy world,” Larten snorted. “Aircraft are a novelty. They will never replace trains or boats. Only a fool would think otherwise.”
“I don’t know,” Alicia sang, tweaking his nose, then went to check on Gavner. He was fast asleep and snoring heavily. She’d never known anyone who snored as loudly as Gavner Purl.
Larten was staring out of the window when she returned. He was thinking about Malora and the people on the ship, as he often did in quiet moments like this. No matter how much happiness he found with Alicia, the sorrows of the past were never far from his thoughts.
Alicia studied him, gazing at his troubled reflection in the glass, wishing she could do something to rid him of his grief. There was much about his life that was a secret. She knew he’d had an unhappy past, that he was hiding a lot from her. But that didn’t matter. She loved him and was sure he’d reveal the full truth to her in time. And no matter how disturbing it was, she would still love him and do what she could to help him deal with it.
After all, she thought as she slid forward and embraced Larten, bringing a smile to his thin lips, it can’t be that bad. No matter what life has thrown at him, regardless of what he did in his youth, he is a good man at heart. His dark deeds are probably nowhere near as grisly as he believes. And if they are? Well, I’ll forgive him. We all make mistakes. That’s simply the nature of what we are. I’ll confess mine and accept his. He has set his standards high, and that is admirable, but he should not be so hard on himself. After all, I will tell him, at the end of the day, like the rest of us, he’s only human…
CHAPTER FIVE
Larten was a night creature, but he made adjustments to his routines to account for Alicia and, to a lesser extent, Gavner. Although he avoided mornings and the searing light of the midday world, he normally rose in the early afternoon to spend some of the day with Alicia and the boy. He would listen to Gavner reading – something he’d never learnt to do himself – and gruffly tell the child that he was doing a good job if he made no obvious mistakes. The three of them would go out for walks or to the shops, Larten shielded from the sun by an umbrella, hat and gloves, wearing dark glasses to protect his eyes.
Alicia thought he was exaggerating about his condition until one day he sat by a window for half an hour with his arms and face exposed. When she saw the way his skin reddened, she realised he was telling the truth. From that day on she was even more conscious of the sun than he was.
As they strolled through a park one cloudy evening, Gavner running ahead of them trying to catch a bird, Alicia squeezed Larten’s arm and pecked his scarred cheek beneath the covering of the umbrella.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Nothing. I’m just happy.” She squeezed his arm again. “This is a good life, isn’t it, Vur?”
“Aye,” he said, feeling the little stab of guilt he always did when she called him by his false name. He knew he should tell her the truth about himself, but he hoped that if he denied the reality of Larten Crepsley long enough, the man he’d once been might cease to exist entirely.
“Gavner is happy too,” she murmured. Larten stiffened, as she’d guessed he would, and she tutted loudly. “You have to stop that,” she snapped.
“Stop what?” Larten frowned.
“Gavner is our child,” she said. It was an old argument, one she had with him a couple of times a month. “You should start treating him like your son. He needs a father and you’re all he has. Unless you’d rather I look for another man to take me on walks through the park…” She grinned cheekily at him.
“You might be better off with another man,” Larten said gloomily and Alicia pinched him.
“You’ll say that once too often one day,” she growled.
Larten forced a smile, but he was troubled. Alicia was right. Gavner did need a father. He had grown into a bright, healthy, good-natured boy, blooming under the care of his foster mother. But he often stared at Larten longingly. He didn’t know why the tall man with the scar brushed him aside whenever he tried to get close. He thought there must be something wrong with him, that he had in some way offended the adult. Although he was happy and lively around Alicia, Gavner pulled back into himself when he was with other children. He thought they might reject him if he tried to be friendly with them, as his guardian had.
He deserves better, Larten thought sadly. He deserves a father. But I can never be that for him. I killed his true parents. I must never let him love me. Never.
He should leave. He was a thorn in Gavner’s side, a shadow hanging over the boy. If he left, Alicia would find another man to marry her, as Larten had so far failed to do, despite her many hints that she would accept his proposal if he asked. That man could be a real father to Gavner and the boy