It didn’t take Ruby long to find out. She stood there in the living room, open mouthed.
Everything had gone. Well, almost everything. The telephone was still plugged into its socket and was sitting on the floor. Apart from that the house was as empty as a house could be. Even the dust was gone. It was obvious to anyone, even someone who had never visited the Redforts before, that they had been burgled.
‘Yes,’ said her mother, second guessing her daughter’s thoughts, ‘Every room is full of nothing.’
More of nothing
RUBY TURNED AND RAN UPSTAIRS, right to the top of the house. She went into her empty bedroom and set about pulling at the wobbly floorboards. As she lifted them up she was met by the yellow glow of her 622 yellow notebooks.
Thank goodness, it seemed everything was in order. Next she checked the doorjamb – and was reassured to see that, yes, the 621st notebook was also safe. She checked her other eleven hiding places before breathing a huge sigh of relief.
As Ruby turned to leave the room, she caught sight of her donut phone tucked underneath the bookcase. It was the only remaining phone from her collection and the only remaining visible object in the room. She picked it up and dialled Clancy’s number. He wasn’t home yet so she left a message. ‘Call me, OK?’ Then she went back downstairs. As she walked into the kitchen she adopted an expression of quiet distress.
‘I’m sorry sweetheart,’ said her mother kindly.
‘Don’t worry Ruby, we’re going to track this yoyo down,’ said the sheriff, patting her on the shoulder. ‘I’ll see myself out, Mrs R.’
‘Goodbye Nat,’ called Sabina.
Two minutes later the doorbell rang.
‘Oh, Ruby honey, would you get that?’ asked her mother. ‘It’s probably Nat, he’s forgotten his notepad.’
But when Ruby answered the door she was surprised to see a remarkably handsome, rather tall, formally dressed man. He was neither particularly young nor would he ever be considered in any way old – in fact it was impossible to really put any accurate age on him.
‘You are inside out,’ said the man, extending his hand.
‘Huh?’ said Ruby.
‘Let me guess, the so-called authority figures didn’t like your silent demands?’ he was pointing at her T-shirt which was of course inside out, the let them eat cake slogan no longer visible.
‘Oh yeah,’ she said, ‘something like that…’
How did he know about the school cake protest? she wondered.
Who is this guy?
Her mother by now had made her way downstairs. ‘Can I help you?’ she asked uncertainly.
‘Hitch,’ said the man, looking into the house. ‘I see you go in for the minimalist look.’
‘Pardon me? Oh yes, I see what you mean, we’ve been robbed,’ stammered Sabina. ‘I’m afraid there’s nothing to photograph.’
‘Well, lucky I didn’t bring my camera.’
‘Why ever not?’ Sabina said, shaking his hand – Ruby noticed the man wince as if the action had caused him a sudden flash of pain.
‘Because I take terrible photographs – always getting my thumb in front of the lens.’
Sabina looked blank. ‘But aren’t you the photographer from Living Luxury Magazine?’
‘I’m a household manager – from Zen Home management – you called this morning?’
‘Oh!’ said Sabina, brightly, ‘you’re the butler?’
‘I prefer household manager, but butler if you insist.’
‘But I only called the house management agency a few hours ago, they said no one would be available for weeks, how did you…’
‘I returned from London unexpectedly two hours ago. My previous employers, Lord and Lady Wellingford, suddenly decided to tour the palaces of India and no longer required my services.’
‘But surely they will be back in a few weeks?’
‘Not for three years,’ he replied quickly.
‘It takes three years to tour the palaces of India?’ said Sabina.
‘They are travelling by elephant.’
A likely story, thought Ruby. I’ll bet he got fired.
‘So, do you want to see my references? I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.’ He winked at Sabina and she giggled.
‘I’ll bet I won’t!’ said Sabina cheerily,
Oh brother! thought Ruby
‘I’m so glad you’re here, Mr Hitch.’
‘Just Hitch – that’ll do fine.’
‘Oh of course, that’s a butler thing isn’t it, calling yourself by your last name.’
‘Well in this instance it’s more of a me thing, it’s my only name – only my mother calls me anything else.’
‘Oh, and what does she call you?’ asked Sabina.
‘Darling, usually.’
‘Well, you can call me just Sabina – or darling – no just kidding…’
Ruby looked at her mother. Something strange had happened. Why was she giggling like an idiot?
‘Anyway, I don’t mind telling you, Hitch,’ Sabina went on, ‘things have been none too pleasant around here lately, no siree Bob. First the airline totally lose our luggage, and now look – we have been cleaned out.’
Sabina babbled on excitedly about the tomato incident and Hitch listened. It was if she had fallen under some kind of spell.
What is this guy, some kind of hypnotist?
Sabina was interrupted by the ring of the telephone.
‘At least we still have the telephone!’ cried Sabina, delighted that one small possession had escaped the burglar’s grasp. ‘I expect that’ll be the airline! Get that would you Ruby?’
Ruby walked over to the phone and picked up the receiver. ‘Chucks Cheesery, you want cheese we aim to please.’
But for the third time there was absolutely no one on the end of the line. She hung up and was about to dial Clancy’s number when the phone rang again.
‘Look buster if you ain’t gonna talk, why call?’
‘I’m sorry?’ said a low, gravelly voice.
‘What’s with all the heavy breathing and hanging up? It is considered rude you know,’ snapped Ruby.
‘I have no idea what you are talking about – I am not in the habit of calling people with whom I have no intention of conversing,’ replied the voice.
So who called me those other times?
‘I am looking for Ruby Redfort,’ said the voice.
‘Well you found her,’ replied Ruby.
‘Good, so now I’ve found you, all you’ve got to do is find me.’
‘Excuse me?’ said Ruby, ‘what is this, quiz night?’
‘Well,’ the voice said, ‘a little bird told me