The Keysha Diaries, Volume One: Keysha's Drama. Earl Sewell

of them and felt as if they were all judging me.

      “Why does she have that head rag on, Jordan?” Barbara tried to whisper in my father’s ear, but I heard her. She acted as if I wasn’t there and couldn’t hear her. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough for them. I felt as if I just didn’t measure up.

      “Just forget it. Y’all go out by yourselves. That’s what you want anyway,” I said as I rushed back up to my room. I shut the door and began to pace the floor again. I tried to focus my thinking and determine what to do next. The only thing that came to mind was to pack my things, steal any money lying around and take my chances out on the streets.

      “Baby, come on and go with us. She didn’t mean anything by what she said.” Grandmother Katie had just opened my door.

      “She doesn’t like me,” I said. “It was written all over her face.”

      “Give it time, Keysha. Your existence is news to all of us. We all have to make some adjustments and make room in our lives for you.” I plopped down on the edge of the bed and placed my face in my hands.

      “Keysha, I really want you to have dinner with us,” said Jordan, who was now in my bedroom, too. I looked up at him and saw a part of me in his eyes. For a brief moment I felt some sense of a connection and wanted to hug him but I didn’t. I just felt angry with everything and everyone.

      “Can I sit down next to you?” he asked.

      “It’s your house,” I answered.

      “When I look at you, I see myself,” he said. “I see a part of me that I feel like I should know but I don’t, and that hurts. Perhaps I’m moving too fast, but I want to give you all of the things that you’ve never had. I want to make up for that. I can give you a decent place to live, nice clothes and some sense of stability. What I can’t give you is the time we’ve lost. There is so much to learn and understand, but we have to give things time.”

      “He’s right, you know,” said Grandmother Katie. “There are so many things about me and our family that you need to know, learn and understand. I want you to have that sense of belonging, but I know it’s not going to happen overnight. A sense of belonging comes from within, and when you get that feeling hold on to it, because it also means that you’re beginning to feel loved.” It’s just downright frightening how Grandmother Katie could read me.

      “Let me see your hair.” Grandmother Katie walked over to me, and I allowed her to remove my scarf.

      “It’s not so bad, honey. We just have to let it grow out a little and take care of it better,” she said as she took a closer look at my hair. “We can just brush it back and you’ll be fine.” Grandmother Katie picked up the brush that was sitting atop the vanity. She sat down at the foot of my bed and asked me to sit on the floor between her thighs.

      “I want you to know that I’m always here for you, Keysha. I want you to be able to come to me and confide in me. I want you to know about my history just as much as I want to know about yours. I don’t even know what your favorite color or food is. Just like you’ve missed out, so has this family,” Grandmother Katie explained as she continued working with my hair.

      “She hates me, doesn’t she?” I asked, referring to Barbara.

      “No, she doesn’t hate you at all. She just has to adjust to this change in her life,” said Grandmother Katie as she brushed the other side of my hair. Her brush strokes were soft and comforting.

      “There is a lot that you have to understand. One of which is that we’ve always wanted two children, a boy and a girl. We were able to have a son together but medical complications have prevented us from having additional children,” said Jordan.

      “Life is like that sometimes,” Grandmother Katie continued. “You can plan out the perfect life for yourself, but if your plans don’t match God’s plan, then I’m afraid that you’re setting yourself up to deal with a lot of heartache.”