[Every club sings this one, hence its inclusion in the ‘Oldies But Goodies’ list. The chant is usually heard at grounds where the fans’ repertoire of witty songs is a little sparse.]
Following on from Huddersfield fans claiming their team are world-beaters, the typical response from terrace rivals is a put-down to silence the optimistic crowd:
You’re shit, and you know you are! [repeat]
[To the tune of ‘Go West’, by the Pet Shop Boys. Variations on a similar theme include ‘Can we play you every week?’, which is usually sung when a team races into a commanding lead inside the first half.]
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
You’re shish and you know you are!
[Excellent work from Chelsea supporters, who belted this one out to Galatasaray during a Champions League clash in 1999.]
We can’t have a list of classics without this one. Usually reserved for the FA Cup, fans sing it to remind their downbeat rivals which of the two teams on the pitch is going off to the final at Wembley.
Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
We’re going to Wem-ber-ley!
Que Sera! Sera!
[To the tune of ‘Que Sera, Sera’, a 1950s song written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans. Manchester United fans replaced ‘Wem-ber-ley’ with ‘I-ta-ly’ while crowing about their impending trip to Rome for the 2009 Champions League final. Bet they wish they hadn’t gone there now…]
The Middlesbrough players run out to this catchy disco hit from the 1990s and the dance-floor smash has made its way into other grounds across the country. It’s plain, simple and popular, making it worthy of classic status.
Do-do-do-do!
Andy Johnson!
Do-do-do-do!
Andy Johnson!
[To the tune of the Perfecto Allstars’ ‘Reach Up (Papa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag)’.]
Picture the scene. There’s one minute left of injury time and you REALLY need your £30 million man to stick one in the back of the net – otherwise you’re kissing your title dreams goodbye. Then – BANG! He smashes one in from two yards and you’re top of the table going into the final day…
We shall not, we shall not be moved!
We shall not, we shall not be moved!
Just like the team that’s gonna win the Football
League (again!)
We shall not be moved!
No, nothing to do with some old bloke and a farm. This is a rather new one that sprung up around Football League grounds in the 2008/09 season. First heard at Leicester City’s Walkers Stadium as early as September 2008, Foxes fans were optimistic about their team’s chances of getting promoted. How right they were.
E-i-e-i-e-i-o! Up the Football League we go!
When we get promotion
This is what we’ll sing:
‘We are champions!’
‘We are champions!’
Nigel Pearson’s king!
[This clearly caught on and was heard up and down the country throughout the season, so just replace Nigel Pearson’s name with the name of your club’s manager.]
As you will come to realise, ‘Guantanamera’ provides the basis for a whole raft of supporters’ songs. The tune’s roots are based in Cuba and, strangely, the song is about a man’s love for a steak sandwich-making woman. The beauty in this tune is that each tribute is never longer than two lines, making it instantly recognisable among those in the stands.
Score in a brothel! You couldn’t score in a brothel!
Score in a brothel! You couldn’t score in a brothel!
[We’ve all been there. No, not a brothel – on the terraces when a serial opportunity-squanderer misses the target once again. Victims in the past include Diego Forlan, Ade Akinbiyi, Didier Drogba (before he turned decent), Peter Crouch and many more.]
Small town in… [insert name of hated village/town/city/county/country here]
You’re just a small town in…
Small town in…
You’re just a small town in…
[Typical chant taunting a club’s stature. Arsenal fans sing ‘You’re just a small town in Fulham’ to Chelsea supporters.]
One [insert player name…]
There’s only one…
One…
There’s only one…
[General admiration for a player. A quick glance at the electoral register would prove most supporters wrong when they sing this, but we get the point. Hull fans brilliantly sang ‘One Gordon Ramsay’ at Norwich in 2006 as they mocked Canaries supremo and top chef Delia Smith.]
Live round the corner!
You only live round the corner!
Live round the corner!
You only live round the corner!
[Mainly sung to Manchester United fans when they are at an away match in London. The song plays on the stereotype that half the United supporters in the country live in London and only started following the team when they started to become successful in the early 1990s.]
Down in a minute!
We’re going down in a minute!
Down in a minute!
We’re going down in a minute!
[Gallows humour from fans witnessing their team on the verge of relegation.]
Gone Christmas shopping!
You should’ve gone Christmas shopping!
Gone Christmas shopping!
You should’ve gone Christmas shopping!
[Festive fixture going to plan? Sing this to your rival supporters.]
Juan Pablo Angel!
There’s