I, Superhero!! :. Mike McMullen

like an avenging specter, the glare from across the room that tells him he’s been a bad boy, the warm smile you give him along with a gentle kiss on the forehead after a rainy afternoon of gentle lovemaking. You know, a game face. You need more than one, too, or your enemies will grow accustomed to it, and the effect will be watered down and seem clichéd, like Matthew McConaughey making rom-coms or Tommy Lee giving college girls hepatitis.

      After much thought, meditation, and hours spent sitting in front of the bathroom mirror drinking NyQuil and Hot Damn (schnapps) to get my mind right, I’ve come up with ten distinct game faces for The Amazing Whitebread. I suggest you come up with at least five for your own hero. And no fair ripping off mine. They’re all copyright and trademarked My Foot Up Your Ass If You Steal Them.

      PHOTO COURTESY MARY ELLEN LACAVA

       Manimalistic

      PHOTO COURTESY MARY ELLEN LACAVA

       All Bid’ness

      PHOTO COURTESY MARY ELLEN LACAVA

       Hurtin’ fo’ Certain

      Your Worst Nightmare (unless you have the one about the bears that escape from the circus and eat your mom’s face—that one’s way worse)

      PHOTO COURTESY MARY ELLEN LACAVA

       The Mocking Chuckle of Heroism

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

       Steaming Pile of Justice in Your Face

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

       Calling Dr. Pain

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

       The Rabid Squirrel

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

       Rage-a-licious

      PHOTO COURTESY LIZ LACAVA

       The Flared Nostrils of Vigilantism