Celia smiled and nodded but had nothing else to say. After a moment’s pause, David brought up a new topic of conversation. Celia kept her eyes on her plate for the rest of dinner, feeling more and more lost.
If she had felt quiet and ignorant at dinner, though, Celia felt even worse in the drawing room. David sat next to his wife on the small sofa and openly put his arm around her. The children were allowed to come in to say good night, and then Marcus and Hannah walked them back upstairs, baby Edward waving happily from his mother’s arms as Thomas bounced atop his father’s shoulders. Molly trailed after them, and Celia saw her return the little wooden duck to Edward’s grasp as they left the room.
She alone had chosen badly. Both her brothers, whatever scandal and gossip had attended their marriages initially, were happy. Only she, who had had the wedding of the Season to a very eligible, respectable gentleman, was not. For a moment Celia wondered how she had done so poorly; if she had run away with an actor, or eloped to Scotland, or done anything else out of the ordinary, would things have turned out differently? Better?
“So.” Her smiling mother settled into the seat next to hers, shaking Celia out of her thoughts. “I’ve given some thought to your wardrobe, and Madame Lescaut will be here tomorrow.”
Celia stared at her in alarm. “Mama, I—I don’t feel much like going out yet.”
“Of course,” her mother said at once. “But, dearest, it is surely time to leave off the blacks. And fashions have changed a great deal since you left London.”
Celia sighed. Perhaps it was. Perhaps if she dressed less like a widow, she would feel less dead. “I suppose they have.”
Rosalind beamed at her. “How I’ve missed you, Celia! A mother needs her daughter about.”
Celia didn’t know what to say. Did a daughter need her mother about? For some reason, she had felt nothing but dismay so far with her family. Instead of feeling like she had come home, Celia had the awful sense that she had no home anymore, no place where she would feel at ease. Exeter House was Marcus and Hannah’s home, not hers. David and Vivian were happy without her, too. And Rosalind seemed determined to make Celia happy again just so they could shop and talk and carry on as they had before.
Celia looked around the large, bright room. I don’t belong here, she thought.
Her mother would have talked more, but Celia couldn’t bear it. She pleaded exhaustion and excused herself.
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