“First and foremost, I have to repeat one thing: In order to get him back, you have to be sure he really loves you and not her. Before you begin the plan, you need to really think about that, Troy. Like tonight, I want you to go over the entire situation in your head. You must be sure that he loves you and be sure that he’s worth it. If you answer no to either one of those questions, there’s no need to try to break her spell over him. All you need to do if you even suspect that he loves her over you is move on with your life. Okay?” I nodded my head at Tasha’s request. “Okay,” she went on, “once you’re sure his heart is with you, you start the ‘Take Her Man Plan.’”
“Where does she come up with this stuff?” Tamia laughed.
Tasha growled at Tamia again and then she went right into the plan to help me get Julian back from Miata. She explained that from that point on, I had to think of Julian as “Miata’s man” because that was how Miata stole him from me in the first place. She was the new, fresh thing in Julian’s life. She was the greener grass when I was the old nagging hay. Now the tables had to be turned. I was now single and I actually had the green-grass allure. I just had to use it to my advantage. Making him “her man” essentially made me the new, fresh thing in his life.
After she explained the whole role-reversal scenario, Tasha went into the actual plan, which she claimed she got from some white girl in her apartment building. Over coffee in the lobby, the white girl said the six-point plan apparently was something many women had been using for years. She told Tasha that there was a rumor that the plan was actually how Diddy’s baby mama got him back from that J. Lo and her big booty. Now that’s results.
“Step one,” Tasha said, jumping into the steps. She ran down the first few quickly, stopping along the way only when Tamia protested for some reason or another.
“You mean be a helpless little girl?” Tamia said, rolling her eyes when Tasha made her way to one of the points—The Damsel in Distress.
“No, not helpless, but worthy of rescue,” Tasha said, defending the point.
“Are you kidding me? You want her to be a ‘damsel in distress’? That’s silly. It’s 2007; that’s the kind of crap that brings women back like one hundred years as a sex.”
“Oh, Tamia, please. Don’t act like you don’t turn on that girlie stuff when you need something from a man…smiling all sweet. You’re no damn Angela Davis yourself.”
We all started laughing. I couldn’t tell if it was because Tasha was completely right about Tamia or that we were surprised that Tasha knew who in the hell Angela Davis was. I guess she did read those books in college.
“No, Tasha’s right,” I said. “I read in this magazine once that all men have this superman complex or ego thing that makes them feel a need to be needed by people—like a superhero or something. It said when they’re not being used, they feel useless and find someone who will use them or make them feel needed.”
“And how are you supposed to do that if you really don’t need them to do anything? Why should you pretend you can’t?” Tamia asked, still annoyed.
“Well, for me and Lionel it’s simple,” Tasha said. “I let him do all the crap I don’t want to do around the house. It’s his job to make sure the cars are working and fix stuff when it breaks. I make him take the garbage out and when we get in the car, I make him drive—even though I say where we’re going.” She smiled. “I’m saying, those are things I don’t want to do.”
“I just think it’s too late in the game to go giving my power away like that,” Tamia said. “I have a problem when someone expects me to do something…like cook and clean and care for children. Then they have the power.”
“It’s not about power, Tamia,” I said. “It’s about sharing your life and admitting that you don’t have to do it all alone. The days of the strong black woman carrying it all on her back are way done and over. I say, if you can find a strong man willing to carry his weight, you should let him. Loosen up your own load. I wish I had someone to take my garbage out.”
“Exactly, Troy,” Tasha said, continuing with the rest of the plan. I sat still in my seat listening as it all came together like a puzzle in my mind—the change, the makeover, the sweet smile I had to give to get my man back from that woman’s lure. It was such an elaborate scheme—a wicked plot of reversal of fortune that made so much sense I wondered why the three of us hadn’t come up with it on our own a few heartbreaks ago.
“And if it doesn’t work—if this whole shim sham doesn’t work, what will Troy do?” Tamia asked when Tasha concluded the outline with one long exhale. She turned on the car and drove away from Justin’s. “What will Troy have then, other than a broken heart?”
“Then Ms. Lovesong will look better because she’s had a makeover, she’ll have met a new guy because she’s been dating other people, and she will have had a chance to really tell Julian how she felt about him without being angry.” Tasha reached over the seat and gave me a hug just as Tamia pulled up in front of the lot where I’d parked my car.
I kissed her on the cheek and took a short sigh of relief. I had felt so powerless shuffling out of the restaurant like I had done something wrong. But now I felt like I had something to do with my pain, the big swelling sea of doubt that was raging in my stomach. I wasn’t gonna waste another minute crying and being angry about Miata. I was gonna get my man back and live my happily ever after. The Take Her Man Plan was on.
“Wait, Troy,” Tasha called as I turned to walk toward my car. “Just remember one last thing: The plan must be put into action in the exact order it is given. If Julian truly loves you, and not Miata, he’ll come back to you. It may take three days…it might take three months, but he’ll come back…. Just be ready and look marvelous, Ms. Lovesong.” She poked her head out of the back window. “In the meantime, don’t stop living. Move on with your life. Join a gym. Take a knitting class. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. But be ready to answer the phone when Julian calls…just not on the first ring.” She blew me a kiss, Tamia tooted the horn, and they were off.
The Take Her Man Plan: I Declare War!
So your man walked out the door and into someone else’s arms. He said it’s over and you just can’t understand why. You’re sure he loves you and that he’s “the one.” Don’t spend money calling a psychic to see what the stars have in store for you; change your own stars by taking back what was yours in the first place. Follow these Six Steps to Success and he’ll come crawling back in no time.
Six Steps to Success
1. Light as a Feather (Not Stiff as a Board)—Let go of the past and move forward with an open heart. Hold no grudges against your dearly departed and assure him that you are his friend. Be just as light and easy as you were when the two of you first met. Don’t expect anything, stop asking those annoying relationship questions, and stop, Stop planning. Be easy and breezy, because this most likely is how you got him in the first place. Finally, no matter how much you want to, don’t bring “her” up. This will only exacerbate the situation and put a damper on things. Just be patient. It’s your time with him. Do you, and remember the witch will be gone soon.
2. Change, Change, Change—Usually when men cheat it’s a sign of boredom in their current relationship. Men are simple creatures and the slightest sign of regularity turns them into panting puppies begging to roam free. This is probably why your man began to stray initially. Face it, since you’ve been spending all of your time on him and too little on yourself, you’re stuck in a beauty-less rut you never intended to get into in the first place. Since you two started dating, you’ve probably put on a few pounds from all of the free late-night dinners and breakfasts in bed. Your hair color is grown out and your gray is showing because you haven’t had time to make it to the salon between your dates with Prince Charming. Your once perfect “single girl with lots of time on her hands” manicure has now turned into a botched home job because you’ve run out of time to visit the nail shop. And worst of all, you