In a spender/spender marriage, however, issues are usually about lack of money. Since both are spenders, the cash and credit available to meet family bills or to pursue more immediate material pleasures are in short supply. Because both parties are confident of their own ability to handle their debts, each will often blame the other for any money problems they may be experiencing. These couples are crisis driven.
The third type of union is the spender/saver marriage, and that pairing is a minefield just waiting for someone to take a wrong step. The issues in this type of marriage involve necessity versus luxury, saving for the future versus living for the moment, and stability versus fun. Quite often, the very characteristics that attracted each member of such a couple to the other are what will cause the most strife between them. The stability of the saver is now viewed as dullness or miserliness. The fun-loving spender is viewed as wasteful and irresponsible. Each one’s financial behavior threatens the basic emotional needs of the other. The inability of both to empathize and relate usually leads to divorce.
Risk Profiles
Risk profiles are similar to, but also quite different from, spending profiles. Risk and spending profiles may combine to form a completely different behavior than either alone would indicate. Risk profiles can be illustrated by looking at how an individual views insurance (a defensive action) and investments (an offensive action) as part of his or her overall financial security, and may be recognized as follows:
| Risk Profile | Insurance Characteristics | Investment Characteristics |
| Ultra-conservative | • Lots of insurance • Lowest deductibles | • Likes to have large amounts of cash in bank • Does not like any debts • Prefers solid income investments • Lacks diversification |
| Conservative | • Enough insurance • Not the highest deductible | • Likes blue-chip investments • Debts only against assets • Accepts prudent investment mix |
| Moderate | • Somewhat inadequate insurance • Mid to high deductibles | • Likes a mix of income, blue-chip, and growth investments • Committed to paying off non-asset debts quickly • Will use prudent tax shelters |
| Aggressive | • Little or no insurance • Highest deductible, if there is any insurance | • Speculator • Excessive debts • High-risk tax shelters • Prefers equity to income investments • Lacks diversification |
Risk profiles and conflict
Just as in the saver/spender spectrum, partners with dramatically different risk profiles may experience more conflict in their marriages than those with similar profiles.
Even the members of saver/saver marriages can come into conflict when the risk profiles of the individuals are very different. If one member of a couple has an ultra-conservative risk profile and the other has a moderate- or high-risk profile, conflict may arise regarding where and how their savings are invested.
Sometimes, one partner may feel pushed into a category where he or she does not feel he or she belongs simply to offset the perceived risks taken by the other partner. Very seldom is this issue openly discussed, but the underlying resentment it causes is added to existing conflict. It can become very nasty indeed.
It is possible for couples with different profiles to resolve their financial disputes and create a workable solution. However, to accomplish this, the couple must assess their financial compatibility early in the relationship, identify potential conflict areas, and be committed to developing solutions to meet each partner’s needs.
Spending Profiles, Risk Profiles, and Divorce
Sadly, more often than not, couples are not even aware of their personal money motivations, and during the separation and divorce process, these same patterns will come into play.
For instance, if you are a saver and find yourself having to come up with spousal support payments each month, you may not want to support what you see as your spender partner’s extravagant lifestyle. Alternatively, if you are an ultraconservative person, you may feel the need for a large settlement in order to feel secure, and your soon-to-be ex-partner most likely will totally disagree. Or, if your partner is a saver and you are the spender, he or she may be unwilling to split assets, as he or she sees the accumulation as belonging only to him or her. Look at the following example:
Matt and Jane got married right after university. They were married for 22 years. Matt was a good-time guy who loved to take vacations, buy a new vehicle every few years, and eat out. Matt was obviously the spender in the couple. Jane, while she went along with Matt in most things, needed to have some security. She insisted they contribute equal amounts to retirement investments every year. Matt invested all his money in technology stocks in 1999. Jane had a conservative, balanced portfolio.
The major asset to be split during their divorce was their retirement investments. As a result of the prolonged market downturn, Jane’s investment was worth considerably more than Matt’s.
Jane was adamant that she should not have to split her funds with Matt. She contended that since they invested the same amounts, but his reckless behavior caused his losses, she did not have to compensate him. She lost a costly fight, and the bitterness that resulted from that conflict poisoned all their subsequent dealings.
In many cases, a divorcing couple will need the assistance of a third party professional to reach a settlement that is truly acceptable to them both.
Professional Help
If you are considering separation and divorce, consider also creating a professional team to help you through the process. The amount you spend on this team may cost you far less in the long run than a poorly thought-out and emotionally motivated settlement would.
First of all, you will need a good lawyer for legal advice. Most cases that end up in court long after the divorce is over are the product of poorly written agreements. Your lawyer can help you make certain that the language of your agreement contains no hidden surprises and can help you drastically reduce the chances of your agreement being challenged due to imprecise wording or illegal clauses.
You may need a psychologist or counselor (often called divorce coaches) as well to help you deal with the emotional issues of the divorce, so that you can move forward with your life or put together a parenting plan. In addition, if you and your ex-spouse are of the saver/spender type or have vastly different risk profiles, you can benefit immensely by involving a third party whose job it is to help you understand each other’s point of view and motivations — and thereby help you stay out of court.
A financial divorce specialist (that is, a financial planner with special training in divorce issues) can also be of great assistance. They model settlement offers so that you can see the potential long-term impact. A financial divorce specialist can help you understand the financial impact of any divorce settlement on both your current and future lifestyle by helping you determine such issues as whether or not you can afford to keep the house and the tax implications of various settlement proposals.
If you consider that