—GEORGE GROSS JR., WATER POLO PLAYER
To finish requires a start. At the first point on the arc of transition, “testing the waters,” you see exciting possibilities, engage with opportunities, and learn formative lessons that live on long after you’ve progressed to higher levels. These early experiences influence the climb to success and inform the multitude of challenges people often face once the spotlight fades and a career ends—and they are left questioning what comes next.
For athletes starting out, several variables may shape their young identities: a culture of high performance, family involvement, a desire for a better life, and the growing adoration of others for their benchmark achievements. Exposure to coaches, teachers, and mentors, and the weight of expectation—the athlete’s and that of others—also factor in.
All high performers have a story about how they started. As we explore this point on the arc more deeply, take time to reflect on who and what were a part of your own beginnings and how they shaped your journey to a personal best.
FAMILY AND CULTURAL INFLUENCES
At the earliest stage of an athlete’s development, parents, coaches, neighbours, and society play indelible roles. Long before their offspring attain athletic glory, parents of the young gymnast, runner, skater, or swimmer may have encouraged them to sign up at the local community centre for some fun activities with other children. Young athletes often learn that sports can be an enjoyable pathway for building skills and confidence before they’re old enough to truly absorb the future effects of the discipline instilled in them through training. The same is true for the young dancer, actor, chef, or computer programmer. When adults direct children toward activities, they hope that the young ones will find the endeavour engaging. However, many parents put their children in activities specifically to give them an advantage in life. Music can link the left and right sides of the brain; sports can provide early coordination, structure, and, for some, a scholarship. Math tutors can hone supplemental skills while providing confidence. The long-term effects of this desire to get our kids ahead in life are usually made with good intentions but are not without consequences—some positive and some negative.
The parents of Sarah Gairdner, an Olympian and multiple world champion in double mini-trampoline, got involved in her sport, but they didn’t control her experience. Sarah describes her father as the most positive person you could meet. Her mother spent hours at the gym with her. “Some parents would sit up in the stands and know every move,” she tells me. “My mom didn’t have a clue what I was doing! She just crossed her fingers and hoped that I wouldn’t get hurt!” Sarah’s mother and father took her lead about her involvement in sport: “‘Whatever you are comfortable with’ was what they would say to me,” Sarah says. Such encouraging, hands-off parental relationships can help young athletes develop an “I can do it!” attitude, and a comfortableness with trying and failing and trying again.
My parents weren’t particularly interested in sports, but they helped me find outlets for my need to move. They created opportunities for me. And this was in the mid-1970s, when exercise was not a part of the popular vocabulary the way it is now. Marnie McBean, a three-time Olympic gold medallist in rowing (1992, 1996), speaks about her parents similarly to the way I describe mine:
My parents aren’t athletic, but they were pretty amazing, particularly my mom. They were good at encouraging me to try new things. My mom told me to never say no to an opportunity because I didn’t know how to do it, whether it was guitar or figure skating or gymnastics or swimming. Whenever I showed any curiosity for something, they were willing to enrol me in lessons—the rule being that I had to see the full course of the lessons out, and then at the end we could discuss whether or not I would continue.
The encouragement of Marnie’s mother took hold in the sport of rowing. When Marnie asked about how to learn to row, her mom didn’t know the answers but made sure they found out. She also ensured Marnie was involved in all aspects of the sport, even in the high school fundraisers. “We were selling oranges and grapefruits, and she would let me sell them in her office, but she would also make me come in to her office and put up the poster.” Her mom insisted that Marnie make fundraising phone calls herself: “To this day, that lesson remains,” she says.
Sarah, Marnie, and I all found in our parents a secure base—a support system to encourage us, that was there in times of need, and that let us find our motivation to succeed.
Parents have a huge influence on a child’s life, even when they are not physically present. Stu Isaac, one of my coaches at Michigan, who now uses his expertise to develop aquatic and sports facilities, speaks about his father: “My dad died when I was twelve. He continued to be an influence on me for a long time. Not because he was there, but because I . . . held him up on a very high pedestal.” The death of Stu’s father was a pivotal event in Stu’s life as a swimmer: “A week and a half after my dad died, my mom was carting me to Albany, New York, for a swim meet. Life went on, and we made the best of it. And that was kind of a breakthrough, because that’s when I broke my first national age group record, just ten days after my dad had died. I think her ability to continue on even though it was a crushing blow was probably the single greatest lesson I learned from her.”
Although what motivates each child to pursue a specific endeavour is unique, the promise of fame and fortune is one factor that cannot be ignored. There are two-year-olds out there being moulded for “greatness.” Children learn early on that they want to be a part of the celebrations, awards, and adoration they see on TV and read about in the social media feeds of their favourite stars.
Many of us contribute to this growing enthusiasm. We cheer and scream, celebrate and complain, live and die according to the success or failure of “our” team, of “our” favourite athlete. We follow the Maple Leafs, Yankees, Lakers, Wolverines, Manchester United, and so on, with our friends and family. We might root for the same team our parents cheered for. The budding athlete who loves to practice tumbling routines on the carpet, play T-ball at the park, or hit a tennis ball against a concrete wall gets caught up in these early cultural influences.
Then there are the children who need to prove something or escape a life of boredom, poverty, or worse. Take Kansas Jayhawks basketball player Udoka Azubuike. His childhood in Nigeria was filled with “poverty, heartache, terrorism and fear,” as he told a writer for Bleacher Report. As a child, Azubuike witnessed robberies, shootings, kidnappings, and killings in broad daylight. “I just got away from it as fast as I could,” he says. “I saw so many terrible things, so much violence . . . I don’t like my mind to think back on it.”
As talented youngsters get stronger, faster, and more coordinated, people take notice of them. Azubuike was first spotted at a Basketball Without Borders camp. He said about leaving Nigeria and immigrating to Jacksonville, Florida, at the age of thirteen, “I didn’t think twice . . . I wanted to survive.”1
For promising young athletes, first supporters include more than just parents and local coaches. Teachers, neighbours, and family friends may also play a role. In a few cases, well-known heroes of the sport encourage up-and-coming athletes and may help them navigate increasing social pressures. Toward the end of his stellar hockey career, Gordie Howe encouraged ten-year-old Wayne Gretzky, which years later Gretzky said felt like “winning the Stanley Cup for the first time.”2
Through participation, young athletes are on the receiving end of a wide range of emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, disappointment, fear, anger, and disgust. Those first competitions, those first expectations and challenges, form the foundations of athletic identity. Sport can be a wonderful venue for early feelings of satisfaction, confidence, and belonging. Young athletes discover the importance of teamwork and of working together for a common goal. Parents, friends,