I play with the Hottentot and Bushman children, we throw claystick and stones, we fish and steal eggs and fight. I play with the children but I don’t befriend them. It’s only Saterdag who keeps following me around. The Christianised children call us David and Goliath. When they pelt us with stones, David hides behind Goliath, the biggest and smallest whippersnappers on the farm. No stone is going to make this Goliath fall upon his kisser. I’m not the goddam farmer’s godforsaken son. I’m more at home among the huts than near the homestead. The children don’t treat me like a Christian. I don’t anger easily and I put up with the teasing, but sometimes something cracks and then for weeks only Saterdag dares come close to me. My clothes are forever either too small or too big. When in one year I outgrow three pairs of shoes, Geertruy gives up trying to shoe me. At the homestead I am on my own. Saterdag doesn’t venture into the yard. He remembers what his mother told him about the Christians and their guns and how a horse shod with iron can trample a Bushman to shreds.
One fine day in my twelfth year David Deathshead wallops me a last time. I hit back. He picks up his tooth from the ground and the next day he breaks a Hottentot’s collarbone with his fist.
That afternoon I spy on him to see how one skins a leopard. Geertruy comes walking up. My swine-syphilis godfather’s arms are dripping blood and fat up to the elbows.
I can’t chase him away, David.
You must do what you have to do. I’ll pay him a wage, but that savage is no child of mine.
He is a child.
Did you see how he hit me? Have you seen how he looks at me? How he laughs at me.
He’s not laughing at you.
He laughs.
One of the farm workers knocks me awake where like every night I am still lying under a kaross in the living room. Ore grumbles in his sleep. There were wild animals in the sheep kraal, says the herdsman. Three ewes have been bitten to death. I’m the man of the house. The braggart-boss of this poxy farm is on his way to the Cape with a wagonload of butter and hides. I run to the kraal, Ore enjoying the game, snapping at my heels. The toothmarks are all over the bodies, the innards have been lugged out and have caked dry, the blood a crust on the dry grass. I am twelve years old and have been herding cattle for years and know that their lives are my life. My mouth gushes gob and I retch. Ore licks up the vomit. I go to fetch gun and ammunition from the house. I clamber up a chair, grab the muzzle-loader lying above the door over the plastered-in kudu horns and for the whole goddam day I follow the tracks. The yard dog sniffs at every bush we walk past. The further we walk, the more uneasy he becomes. By late afternoon I find two abandoned Hottentot huts next to a third that was burnt down years ago.
The ground around the huts was once cleared, the stones of the fireplace are still arranged in a circle, but today everything is overgrown. Grasses tendril in between smashed earthenware bowls. The bones of the erstwhile inhabitants lie scattered and half-sunk into the ground. I pick up a long thighbone and examine the toothmarks. I step on a half-buried skull. Ore yelps, leaves a puddle and skedaddles into the bushes. I call after him, but he’s gone. In the biggest hut I find two little skulls. I pick up one. A lead pellet rattles in the echoing cupula.
I look around me: they are everywhere.
A pack of dogs surrounds me. Ruddy-brown hair in ridges on the back, like jackals with longer legs, the younger ones born after the skulls had long been empty, the whole lot of them gone feral years ago. One of the oldest gasping in between the growling. The ancient dog’s fur is mostly scuffed bare, a thong with a few beads still around the neck. Did the gnawn thighbone lying over there belong to the person who plaited the thong? They encircle me on nimble paws. I’m twelve and I’m pissing my pants. The young dogs are strong and lithe and beautiful. Just when I think I can track their circles, one ricochets hither and thither on some freakish impulse in defiance of all pattern. The foremost dog’s muzzle swivels close to the ground, a hairy fin across his back. He is redder than the others, larger. His teeth are bared, his eyes are alert and his growl is soft, so soft. It’s the bitch behind him, the one I can’t see, that lunges for my throat. I throw her off me. She hits the ground. I stamp with my foot until the ribs break. A male with a gash across his snout is on top of me already and the butt of the gun slams into its head just in time. I pull the trigger, the next dog’s lower jaw disappears in a spray of blood and bone. The thunderous crack, the dogs berserk, snap at each other, retreat into the bushes foaming at the mouth, strong streams of piss. I am out of breath, I have been shouting without being aware of it. I have time to reload before they approach once again from the bushes. After every shot they retreat, then attack again. I shoot three dogs, one after the other, before the red dog stands his ground and the others fall back. The dog leaps the gun out of my hand. We are on the ground and at each other’s throat. He bites me in the arm, the blood spurts out instantly and blinds him. I grab hold of him and kick him to one side and pick up the impossibly heavy gun. The red devil is on top of me again, the even redder butt connects him in a soft spot. I get to my feet, the other dogs are on top of me. There are bite wounds all over my body and the blood is flowing freely. I ram the barrel down the gullet of the nearest dog and pull the trigger and the creature explodes from the inside out, all over the others. The gang disappears into the thickets. I sink back into the sand, crawl into the nearest hut. In front of me stands the red dog; in the dusk he growls contentedly. The gun is not loaded. The only bullet is rattling somewhere inside the skull of a child. The teeth are bared, slaver drips onto the ground, dust puffs up from the trampling paws. I am on all fours in the entrance. The dog is standing under the hole in the centre of the roof, as if trapped in a pillar of sunlight. I am on my knees, grab hold of the branches around the entrance and drag them down to the ground. One side of the hut collapses. There is no way out any more. I crawl towards the dog. He growls and barks and snaps at the air. He is young but fully grown. On my hands and knees we are of a height. I carry on crawling. I can feel his breath on my cheeks. The beast starts backing off. It snaps. The jaws smack in the air, echoing under the domed roof. I creep forward. The dog retreats until it stands cornered against the grass wall. I glower at him, the dark eyes in which I am reflected. For a moment we are deathly silent. Then I bark. I bark as loudly as I can, till my throat is raw. Just listen to the yells and barks and everything in me exploding out of my belly and lungs, out through my teeth. Somewhere amidst the racket the dog is upon me and I bite and tear and bark till my voice and teeth and jaws give in. I open my eyes. The dog is lying against me, on its back, tail folded up over its pizzle in a pool of foaming piss that drains away into the soil. See: Coenraad de Buys gets to his feet and spits out the ear of the dog.
The dog is motionless, except for the waves of breath rippling through its body. I am dizzy, my shirt and trousers heavy with blood. I walk backwards, lift the reeds, and carry on walking backwards into the full sunlight. Only when I reach the bushes do I turn my back on the hut and the dog inside. I walk back to the farm, my legs and arms covered in bruises and bite marks. The blood prickles and pumps in every lesion, separately and simultaneously. The sun grows cold and small behind the mountains, but I am still far away from the homestead. I make a fire in the clearing before the moonless dark prevails. I scrabble the soil loose so that I can lie softer, scatter sand over myself. The sand scratches my wounds, but it is warm. I hear a rustling outside the firmament of firelight. I see the glowing eyes of a dog in the bushes. Ore? I murmur. I want to get up but can’t. The red dog comes closer, sits down just outside the circle of fire. I lie back and then I see nothing more behind the thousand eyes of the flames.
By milking time I’m back in the yard and collapse and the maid rinsing bowls by the house screams and a Hottentot runs out of the kraal and carries me into the house and I hear