Two
Physical and Emotional Issues of the First Three Months
Welcome to the World
The almost ten months spent in the womb provides a buffer-period for our babies before they begin to experience the world in earnest. They gradually become aware of the good things awaiting them, while the not-so-good things are experienced through a protective filter. But let us put ourselves in our newborn’s bootees.
If we try to imagine this experience, we will be able to offer a warmer welcome to the world, while minimising the trauma that is involved in this rather frightening transition from the tranquillity of the womb to the real world. There is a theory which holds that babies must get used to the realities of the world, and that too gentle an approach will do nothing for the building of character and coping abilities. There is a golden mean between these two approaches. For instance, the use of a car seat is non-negotiable from the very first trip home from the clinic, whether or not the baby likes the restriction. On the other hand, early separation of mother and baby after birth for purposes of measuring and bathing are not only unnecessary, but also unkind, and will sow the first seeds of emotional distress. These can be overcome, but why should they be planted in the first place?
The good sensations
Imagine emerging from the birth canal into the big wide world, hearing your mother’s voice as it really is for the first time. It changes, after the groans and exhaustion of labour, into one of warmth and welcome. And you know it has been a labour of love and that her tears are tears of joy and incredulity.
After spending nine months surrounded by water and separated from direct touch, you are placed on your mother’s bare breast and feel her arms encircling you, her soft, warm lips kissing your sensitive scalp. Could anything make you feel warmer or more loved?
You hear Dad’s resonant voice, which has been muted till now, and feel his somewhat spiky and bristly, though loving, kiss.
Instinctively you nuzzle at Mom’s breast, deeply satisfied once the frustration of the search is over. The sweet aroma is like her fingerprint and you will for evermore be able to tell her apart from other moms, so distinctive is the smell. The taste is rich and creamy and deeply satisfying. You find out that working your jaws takes effort, and drowsiness soon overcomes you in the safety of your mother’s arms. This must feel like bliss.
Imagine the dazzling glimpse of direct sunlight as you are taken outside for the first time. So eye-scrunchingly bright yet so perfectly light you’ll probably sneeze – quite a sensation in itself. And the twitter of the birds, the rush of the wind in the trees, a dog barking, a hadeda calling, music and laughter – no wonder newborns drop off to sleep so often. There is just so much to experience, it must be overwhelming at times.
Bathing with Dad must be one of the highlights of early babyhood. Making eye contact with Mom and Dad, losing yourself in their loving gaze – what could be more wonderful?
What about those early massages, Mom’s instinctive rubbing of your feet, the feel of a fluffy towel, the crinkle of a disposable nappy, the smell of your first lotion, talc or cream.
The not-so-good sensations
At first the cold air must be quite an onslaught after living at body temperature for so long. Why are delivery rooms so cold? Fortunately everyone seems to want to warm things up quickly!
Just imagine the cacophony of strange, strident noise assaulting a newborn. Although they have a mechanism that allows them to detach from too many impressions all at once, it would enhance their welcome no end if we were to keep voices muted and metallic instrument sounds as low as possible.
The glaring artificial light is also an attack on the senses. Of course they will have to get used to it, but dimming the lights for the first impression would be an act of real kindness.
One of the worst sensations must be mucus and other fluids being suctioned from your nose and mouth just after birth. It is uncomfortable and even painful and seldom really necessary. Turning Baby onto his side, wiping mucus away and nursing as soon as possible so that Mom’s colostrum can perform its mucolytic function, is the kind alternative.
What is it like to have one postnatal ward sister after the other jam your head against your mother’s breast as she tries to get you to feed ‘properly’? Probably not so nice.
Some of the early checks must seem strange: for instance, a thermometer up your rear end to check that there are no blockages of the rectum or colon; or testing of the reflexes must leave you feeling very exposed, especially the Moro or ‘fright’ reflex. They are necessary, but not pleasant.
The discomfort of wind in the tummy, the sour taste of posseted milk on your tongue and the rumblings of a tummy facing the challenges of digestion must all be confusing if not downright frightening in those early days. No wonder Baby blinks so often!
Feeling a mother’s emotions in disarray as she comes to terms with being a parent no doubt brings about anxiety in a newborn. And if she is advised to leave her baby to cry so that he does not become spoilt – just think what that feels like!
Imagine the first time you hear an ambulance siren or a huge truck thunder by. A strange place, this world. Thank goodness parents are on hand to dish out a cuddle afterwards.
And so a newborn sets off on his journey of exploration, learning from everyday experiences. Some will be bad, some very good. As parents we can influence many, though not all, of these early tastes of life. Of course, babies must become aware of life through their own eyes and each person is born to his own experience, but let us make sure that we don’t impede the process unnecessarily. There will be many physical and emotional issues arising in the first three months, and hopefully this book will be a friend in need.
Physical Issues
SURPRISING THINGS ABOUT YOUR NEWBORN
Even if you’ve read all the books and listened to all your friends, there are many little things about your own special bundle of joy that will come as a surprise – and that’s great, because they are all milestones on the path of parenting discovery. Here are six things that might not only surprise you, but even concern you a little. Understanding them will put your mind at rest.
•The size and/or softness of your baby’s fontanelle. Baby actually has four soft spots at the meeting places between the skull bones. The biggest is the anterior fontanelle on top and slightly to the front of the head and the second biggest is the posterior fontanelle, situated on the midline of the curved rear surface of the skull. There are two much smaller ones on either side of the head, but to most people these are not even detectable. These fontanelles and the sutures that join them enable the skull bones to mould over each other for an easier birth and the brain to continue its rapid growth after birth without hindrance by a set structure. The anterior fontanelle will close at between six and eighteen months. Run the pads of your fingers gently over the anterior fontanelle to acquaint yourself with its size and how it feels normally. Do not be scared when washing Baby’s hair, simply be gentle over this area. If closure of the anterior fontanelle occurs more slowly than usual, your baby may need the tissue salt Calc phos (2). Babies with extremely big heads with a large fontanelle and scrawny bodies often require the tissue salt Silicea (12). Should the anterior fontanelle ever bulge in a pronounced way, and your baby has a fever or seems ill, see your doctor. If it is particularly sunken and Baby is not drinking well, vomits or has diarrhoea, immediate medical attention for dehydration is necessary.
•Baby’s breasts and genitals are swollen. Both newborn boys and girls usually have hard nodules under their nipples and the area might even look swollen to the naked eye. A little girl’s labia (the lips around the vagina) and a boy’s scrotum are usually amazingly enlarged in proportion to their overall body size. This has nothing to