Oh those Bills, the bane of Scotchmen, the ruin of many a fine estate, the whole miserable business is doubly melancholy to me from reminding me of the ruin of my own father, who with a larger certain income than Sir Walter, ready money at the beginning, quite as much for his annual falls of timber as ever Sir Walter made by his brains, much less expensive house-keeping, very little building, very moderate improving, lost in contested elections as much as Sir Walter by speculations by the help of those dreadful Bills and a set of Agents and flatterers who most successfully enacted towards him the part of the Bannatynes. The children of both have suffered. We are none of us where we should have been as the heirs of such parents. In our case however we have gained by adversity for we all required her rugged lessons, and though our paths in life have lain much below the proud promise of our birth I question whether they have not led to much more certain happiness which depends neither on rank nor success nor on wealth but on a properly regulated temper.
William can never be of the consequence his father was, but he will be independant and from his own exertions, and he will have a moral influence from the rectitude of his conduct in very difficult circumstances worth infinitely more in the estimation of good men than any that station alone could give him. John might have run a more brilliant career at home, because more in the eye of the world, than the creditable and lucrative official life he is passing in India but he don’t regret the difference, and he will return young enough to enjoy many cheerful years in his native country. On the girls the blight fell heaviest, the younger girls, for my early indiscretions deserved no light doom,21 and I can only attribute the favour of God in blessing me after many years of distress with such a home as with grateful affection I feel to be mine, to the unfeigned humility with which I repented the unhappy consequences of a faulty education on an unreflecting mind.
29. No Paddy, nor sign of him. It really is a sad failing this detestable punch drinking, well he shall pay half a crown for his headache and never will I give him leave to a fair again. Tom Darker bought ten wedders for £9 1 0 the beef was 7½d per pound, the dearest I ever paid in Ireland.
30. Paddy and I a very serious conference, he is in a fright. John Robinson arrived. Tenants all ready to meet him. And in general paid well, Pat Quin in the Bottoms, a defaulter as usual. Kearns of course and Widow Doyle and Widow Farrell, some of the rest did not pay up, but these paid nothing.
SATURDAY JUNE 6. Finished Sir W. Scott—a work it would have been better in half the number of volumes, and if some judicious friend had sobered down the panagerical style of his son in law’s enthusiastick veneration and admiration it would have been another improvement. But faults and all it is an admirable book and will correct many prejudices entertained both against the conduct and the disposition of ‘good Sir Walter’ whose worth really has been equal to his genius.
9. Your father says, dear children, that I shall quite frighten you into fancying your mother had been in her youth a monster of wickedness from the severity with which in mature age I have censured the follies and the flippancies of girlhood, for my indiscretions amounted to no more serious crime, bad enough. What can be more odious than a pert flirting girl, often betrayed by her giddiness into little better than a jilt. First of all inconsiderately entangled herself, then without reflecting on her duty to him whose whole object she had become or on her own feelings towards him, or on his character, or on the reasons urged against him; was easily frightened into giving him up, and weakly led to act a heartless part in affecting levity very ill timed and God knows very unlike the reality. The whole tale was melancholy, none acted rightly and each I believe suffered for it. Let it rest with the Dead.
18. Drove after dinner. Met quantities of Teetotallers who had all walked in procession from Ballymore to the Water fall [at Polaphuca] all looking so decent, well dressed and happy. I do hope there is no latent mischief under this temperance pledge, its present effects are so excellent apparently.
19. Paddy the gardener absent again, yesterday was a holiday, what must we do with the unfortunate man.
20. Paddy very penitent, I very serious with him, his fine of 2/6 seems to have but little effect, if he does not reform we really must look about for another gardener as valuable things might be destroyed by a day and night’s neglect.
THURSDAY JULY 2. We had taken such a long drive last night that we proposed to give ourselves only a short one this evening and were just setting out when Doctor Eckford [their old Indian friend] drove up to the door. Very little changed in the ten years that have passed since we parted in the ‘Isle of France’, [Mauritius].
7. Doctor Eckford went by the caravan after much too short a stay for he is very agreeable in a house from his constant cheerfulness. He has overturned all I have been doing these ten years in less than so many days having infected my restless husband with such a desire to economise in France instead of at home that, his own inclination for such a scheme being very great, I feel it is more than probable he will yield to the temptations of a fine climate and the society of an old friend. If it will make him happier why should he not do it, he certainly would save in two years or at most three as much as would entirely relieve him from every embarrassment, and give us a little ready money besides, while here it is almost impossible to contract our expenses sufficiently as the occupations which make his life agreeable to him are all of a very expensive kind. Whether an idle life in a foreign country would suit him as well I have my fears. We must both take a little time seriously to reflect on all the circumstances of our position and when our minds are made up act with decision.
17. Never was such horrid weather. Heard of poor Major Hornidge’s death. Alas, thus do our old friends leave us. Tom Darker spoke of it with tears.
19. Mr. Foster preached a sort of funeral sermon of which I could make very little. It was certainly his own for it was full of flourishes, splendid descriptions in flowery metaphorical language leading to nothing. Hal grieves in earnest for the poor Major, his last remaining old friend in this country, whom he served under in the Yeomanry during the rebellion [of 1798], who was consistently kind to him under every circumstance, he was as the sermon said a model for a country gentleman. A good Landlord, a kind master, an accommodating neighbour, as a husband, a father, a friend most exemplary. Many will long feel his loss, he was my boy’s Godfather and should we be so far favoured by God as to rear our dear child to manhood we may propose this good kind man to him as an example, for his life exhibited most Christian virtues, his end was that of the righteous.
20. Wrote to Mr. Fetherstone to ask him to tea. He came and the Doctor and two old Mr. Murray’s with two wives and six young people making a party of twenty-one. We had a long tea table, plenty of dancing, then wine and water and all seemed very happy. The Doctor was most good-natured doing all he could to keep up the fun, but the two curates declined dancing as too frivolous an act for the clerical profession and the two Carrolls on account of being in deep mourning, a mistake on the one part and folly on the other. What can be the sin of a clergyman standing up to dance with children in a small and perfectly private party, and when did young men ever introduce their feelings into society. Annoying a whole set of people for a piece of self ceremony, for they are quite able to laugh and eat most heartily black crepe and all!
28. I am not quite sure that I like the St. Servans plan but I see very plainly that Hal prefers it to circumscribing his expenses here and honest Tom Darker will manage for him so faithfully that the utmost will be made of the ground and we shall take the opportunity of getting quit of several insolvent tenants whom it would not be so agreeable to turn out while we were living among them, as they are all ill living reckless people quite inclined to be mischievous as well as drunken and idle. I therefore mean to consider the plan as set.
30. Another lovely day. Paddy the gardener absent all yesterday, having had some money given him to buy meal, he has sent