Eve pressed her lips together when she heard the dial tone and threw her phone onto the bed. Tears welled from her eyes. When was the last time I had said that?she thought, remembering. Three weeks after the funeral. That’s how long it’s been.
Eve remembered sitting in the ward, her shaven scalp with an ugly scar reflected in the window. She stayed by the window for three hours after Anna told her what had happened. Eve watched clouds collect then disappear, over and over, until she felt numb with emotions she never knew she had. They coiled and whipped at her stomach, screaming out accusations and trying to call out the sham of the situation. Her mind, or what was left of it, tried to pick at the façade. When the noise from her mind grew worse, she reached for Anna’s hand. It trembled like a fallen bird in her own. She whispered her first words in three weeks. ‘I love you Anna, so much.’ Her voice had cracked, her lips dry. It was the voice of another person, reborn out of bandages and hospital gowns. It wasn’t hers and it never would be again. This other person heard Anna’s wracked sobs from outside in the ward hallway. After her hand had left hers, she couldn’t look her in the eye. Eve returned her attention to the window. She tried to watch the clouds, but they had all disappeared.
Eve held herself against the kitchen sink, trying to steady her shaking body. ‘Just breathe,’ she urged, saliva pooled in her mouth. She barely had time to brace before she vomited in the sink.
Eve stood under the shower, her mind washed away, blank. It was the only way she could get herself up off the floor. The droplets rolled down against her skin. Eve’s eyes wandered to her upper arm and the four sets of constellations inked permanently into her skin. The design scrolled across her shoulder and rested just above her collarbone. A galaxy of colour mapped her skin, like her own personal night sky. The pain was still fresh in her memory, carried with her from when she was seventeen and the gruelling six-hour session it had taken to place it on her body. Whenever anything become too hard to handle, she calmed herself by looking into the abyss of constellations. One touch of the skin changed could take her somewhere else. Eve traced one of the lines with her fingernail, counting until she couldn’t hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears.
Laura looked out at the city, the lights of nearby buildings holding new meanings. Her mind wandered to Eve. Laura sighed against the weight of her eyes on hers, like they were listening to every syllable her mouth formed. Laura’s mind jumped to the rooftop, the childish smile on Eve’s face as she swung the golf club. Laura had tried to limit herself from staring at Eve and the way she moved gracefully through the air, her footsteps measured to the beat of unheard music. Her tall, slender figure against the darkened sky. It was many hours before she was able to give into the threat of sleep taking away the reality of the night.
Chapter 8: A pair
In the middle of the night, Eve threw back the covers, her skin too on edge for the possibility of sleep. She clawed at her clothes, like she had been dressed by a stranger in the night. Changed into gym clothes, she took off running for the street. Eve saddled up to the punching bag; the gym was mostly empty. She struck it, over and over, short bursts of breath flying from her mouth. She stretched her muscles, her body tensed, her bones seemed to creak. Out of the corner of her eye, Eve caught her reflection in the panelled mirror. She stared back at herself. Her eyes were tired, belonging to another time, another person using her eyes as their own. Eve traced a finger against the scar cut vertically down her right temple. Anna had told her afterwards that it had taken thirteen stitches to rejoin the skin. It was the only scar out of the many that Eve didn’t mind, like a drunken tattoo.. She had stopped punching, moving with the memories. Eve grabbed her gym bag and headed back onto the street. The night air caught in her throat.
When she unlocked the front door to the record store, Eve waved off the disgruntled looks of a line of customers. They began pouring into the store and Eve wondered if they had better things to be doing than shopping. She turned up the knob on the radio, louder than she should have, and tried her best to get through the day. After the last few customers had been served, Eve closed up the store and stretched against a shelf, her neck tightened with strain. But she quickly opened the door when she heard Laura knock.
‘Hey, stranger.’ She welcomed her inside.
‘Fancy seeing you here.’
Eve watched Laura with careful eyes. She hugged her arms awkwardly around her body while Eve ordered pizza for dinner. She wanted to stand closer to her, not too close that she thought she was clingy, but too distant that she would think she was frigid. Eve took it as flattery, how nervous she was making her. Eve just hid her nerves better, one of her many qualities for diverting her emotions.
Eve scooped up a brown envelope that had been sitting on her desk all day, waiting for Laura.
Laura took it in her hands and turned it over, once, twice. Then back to her name, scrawled on the front in Eve’s handwriting, she guessed. She tore the back of the envelope as Eve watched on. Her hands eagerly thumbed through the polaroid prints. Laura smiled at Eve when she flicked to the last photograph of them mid-kiss.
‘That’s my favourite.’ She held up the rooftop kiss.
Eve grabbed for the photos, their hands brushing, ‘This one is my favourite.’ She held up the one of Laura with her eyes closed, her face turned upwards.
Eve’s fingers brushed the picture’s border. She hadn’t expected it to turn out as well as it did, Laura’s expression and the filter on the camera made the photograph remarkable. The angle of her chin, her eyes closed in relaxation as if she was giving in to a part of herself to Eve. It was a both separation and a coming together. A break and a reformation. She broke out of her reverie, handing the picture back to Laura. She knew if she held it any longer, she would just find new things to hold her eyes.
‘Thank you for these.’
Now, Eve didn’t seem to sure she wanted to give them away. ‘You’re welcome,’ she answered, eyes still on the polaroids.
Laura followed Eve up the staircase and into the storeroom. She asked for a glass of water, trying to calm the heat that rose around her neck, like a tight turtleneck. Laura drank the water in one gulp.
‘More?’ Eve took the glass from her hand.
Laura took her time on the second glass, hoping Eve hadn’t noticed. She had.
Eve turned away from her and went through some stacked papers on the desk. Her tall, slender frame bent against the table. Her black hair shimmered, the light from the room reflecting off of it like a wave basking in the glow of the moon.
Laura moved forwards, without thinking her hands reached for Eve’s back. She jolted with surprise, then eased back into a lean when Laura hugged her hips. Laura had to stand on her toes to bury her head against Eve’s hair. Laura felt the goose bumps rise, with a touch to her neck, along her shoulder blades. Laura grabbed her rougher than intended and spun her around. Eve didn’t seem to notice the grip. Her breath clawed at her throat, it was too much. She pressed their lips together. Laura pushed her against the table and, lacing her hands behind Eve’s neck, she pulled herself up. Her legs wrapped around Eve’s stomach, her boots clanked against the wooden table. Eve’s body was still trying to catch up to what was happening; her muscles slowly eased, from tense to fluid. Laura pulled at the collar on Eve’s shirt and kissed her collarbone. She felt one of Eve’s hesitant hands run through her hair, her fingers tracing her neck around to her jaw.
A loud banging on the front door startled them both, Eve jumped back, nearly losing her grip on Laura. She helped her down, giving her a flustered look as she disappeared out the door. Eve wiped her lips and straightened her blouse when she saw the outline of the pizza delivery guy through the door. Eve watched his eyes linger on her swollen lips and ruffled hair. She stared him down and she tucked her bra strap back.
‘Keep the change.’ She slammed the door.
Laura sat crossed legged on the floor. She had needed