She went on, “I like to do my homework so I began learning about investments that seem to deliver a better return than we are currently getting. After looking at several options, I’ve decided I want to invest in a specific real estate project that was presented to me. I know the people who are putting the project together, and their investors are extremely happy with them. I weighed all the pros and cons of the project, and I’ve made up my mind that this is the investment for me.”
Cathi’s plan was to pull her money out of her retirement plan, which had gone down about 30 percent in value the previous year, and put the money into this project which was on track to deliver a 10- to 12-percent return. Cathi confessed, “There’s just one problem.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
She sighed, “My husband. Jack’s going to look at this investment and immediately sum it up as ‘too risky.’ There’s going to be a fight. It’s not something I look forward to. This is what has stopped me from doing this sooner. I hate the idea of a fight. But I also want to be sure he doesn’t talk me out of it. I know this is what I need to do. It’s my first real investment. It’s my start.”
I asked her, “Are you willing to have this investment cause an upset in your marriage?”
She hesitated. “I am,” she replied. “I don’t like it, but I’m willing.”
Then Cathi came up with an idea, “I’m going to do this one way or another so I’ve decided that I’m going to invest my money first and then tell my husband.” And that’s exactly what she did.
Later, she told me how her discussion with Jack went. She said, “I rehearsed all day about what I would say and carefully chose my words to lessen the blow and hopefully lessen the upset. When I walked in the room to talk to Jack, I took a deep breath and then just blurted out as fast as I could possibly talk: ‘I-pulled-all-my-money-out-of-my-retirement-plan-and-put it-all-into-a-real- estate-investment. I’m sure I’ll get a better return on my money. I don’t think it’s a risky investment at all. The people managing the project have been doing this successfully for years and they told me all the negatives and the positives on the property. And besides, it’s my money, and I should be able to do what I want with it!’
“I finally exhaled and then I just stood there,” she said, “waiting for Jack to erupt. He looked up at me from his desk and said, ‘Okay, if that’s what you want to do.’ Even though there was skepticism in his voice, I just about fell over.”
She laughed. “All that fear and worry, preparing for a big fight… and none of it happened. I actually almost didn’t go through with it because I hated the thought of a fight. But what made all the difference for me was that I was willing to have the fight if I had to.”
Truth or Consequences
Oftentimes we get so wrapped up in imagining the worst possible consequence and convincing ourselves that the worst will happen, so we do nothing. The reality is that the worst-case scenario very rarely plays out.
For you to be willing to accept the consequences of whatever stand you take, there must be something more important to you than the potentially dire consequences. There must be something more important to you than what you fear. For many women, what’s more important is our self-esteem, standing up for what we believe in, and being true to ourselves.
Here is a story of a famous woman who knew what she needed to do for herself and who was willing to accept the consequences.
Tired of Giving In
Her name is Rosa Parks. On December 1, 1955, Rosa Parks, a black woman, boarded a bus in Montgomery, Alabama, just as she did most days. But this day was different. The civil rights movement, led by black citizens to obtain equal rights in the United States, was just heating up. At that time in Montgomery, buses were segregated into “whites” and “colored” sections. If the bus got crowded, the African-American passenger was asked to give up his or her seat to a white passenger. Rosa Parks took her seat that day after a long day of work as a seamstress at the Montgomery Fair department store. As the bus took on more passengers, the bus driver approached Rosa and asked her to give up her seat to a white passenger who was standing. Rosa refused. The driver demanded, “Why don’t you stand up?” to which Rosa replied, “I don’t think I should have to stand up.” The driver called the police and had her arrested. Later, she explained that her refusal wasn’t because she was physically tired, but because she was “tired of giving in.”
It certainly would have been easier for Rosa Parks to simply stand up and move to the back of the bus. Instead, she was willing to accept the consequences of standing up for her rights as a human being. Her immediate consequences were her arrest and fines. She was also fired immediately from her job. But what was more important to Rosa Parks was that she stood up for what she believed in. She stood up for herself and her dignity. She was true to herself. Today Rosa Parks is remembered as “the mother of the civil rights movement.”
When life is going well and we’re comfortable and happy, it’s easy to overlook what we know deep inside that we should do for ourselves. For Rosa Parks, she kept giving in until she got to the point where she was just too tired to give in one more time. Some women know exactly what they need to do as soon as the thought appears, while others have to get to the point where they are just too tired to give in any more.
Do we have the courage to accept the consequences?
Rising Moments of Courage
You wouldn’t need courage if you weren’t scared. To be courageous is to triumph over fear. Every time you face a fear, consider that a “Rising Moment.” With every rising moment, you become more of who you are—more confident, more creative, more “out there,” more complete.
It is those courageous rising moments that show you who you really are.
An Exercise in Courage
We know what we need to do. The question is: Do we have the courage to accept the consequences?
Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “What if I don’t know what I need to do? How do I figure out what I should do?”
First off, when you have a quiet moment to yourself, which may be a feat in itself, ask yourself, your intuitive self, your heart-based self, “What is the one thing I need to do to improve my life?” The first answer that pops into your mind is probably the thing you need to do. Trust your inner voice.
Here is another way to uncover your must-do. Grab a pen and paper and write without thinking. Just let your thoughts and pen flow with the answers to these questions. (Take it one question at a time.)
If money were no issue and you had all the money you needed (and assuming you have already taken your much-deserved extended vacation), what would you be doing differently regarding…
• Your profession or career?
• Your health and fitness?
• Your financial life?
• Your personal and spiritual well-being?
• Your marriage/primary relationship?
• Your children?
• Your other family members?
• Whatever else is important to you?
The most important element of this exercise is that you tell yourself the truth. Do not filter your answers to be politically correct. Do not write what you think others want you to think. Whatever comes up for you, write it down. Do not analyze it. This is for your eyes only.
Out of this