‘EAI’, said Lee-Anne, ‘is the use of digital technology and media to promote ethical behaviour in the community.’ Grafton listened closely while helping himself to a celery roulade. ‘The idea was inspired by beeping.’
Wayne lowered his phone for a few seconds; apparently someone or something was momentarily unavailable, so he added, ‘You know how cars beep at you if you haven’t fastened your seat belt or you’ve left your keys in the ignition or your lights are on?’
Grafton knew only too well. It was one of the plagues of the modern world that machines were constantly beeping at you – microwaves, fridges, scanners at shop doorways, washing machines and driers that had finished their cycles. One was constantly being bullied by appliances. ‘These things were supposed to be our servants,’ Grafton complained frequently. ‘How did we get to the point of being bossed around by them?’
Lee-Anne stepped in to continue the tale so Wayne could resume his call. ‘Wayne thought, why should it be limited to just things like seatbelts? Why can’t machines tell us what do in all aspects of our lives?’
Grafton thought there were probably all sorts of reasons but he continued to eat and listen.
‘Let’s suppose you’re an alcoholic,’ said Lee-Anne, making Grafton start slightly. It would have been an insensitive comment had Lee-Anne recalled that her father had been an alcoholic in his teenage years but in her enthusiasm for the tale she hadn’t. ‘Gobble Maps knows where all the liquor stores and pubs are. A car programmed with EAI would simply refuse to drive to a retail outlet that served alcohol. It would reach a certain distance then slow down to a full stop. If the person walked to a liquor store or a bar, their mobile phones or Fatgut watches would start to beep loudly, alerting the staff that they shouldn’t serve them.’
Big Brother eat your heart out, thought Grafton sampling a tofu and beetroot slice that actually tasted delicious.
‘When people entered butcher shops their phones would automatically play a recording of cows being slaughtered or pigs squealing in pain at the abattoirs.’
‘You wouldn’t do something to actually stop them eating meat?’ asked Grafton, surprised at the relative moderation of this initiative.
‘We’re not fascists,’ said Lee-Anne sternly. ‘But people buying meat should at least be aware of the consequences of their actions.’
‘Indeed,’ said Grafton. As far as he was concerned, the consequences or buying meat were a meal of roast lamb or steak and mushrooms. ‘And people are adopting this technology?’
‘It’s going gangbusters in the US,’ responded Wayne, who was clearly capable of talking on the phone and monitoring the conversation around the table at the same time.
‘Yes,’ said Lee-Anne. ‘Employers are buying our anti-harassment software for use in the workplace.’
Grafton looked up. ‘Really?’
‘Since mobile phones can hear everything you say even when you’re not using them, they can detect any sexist or racist language and immediately send a text to the Equal Opportunity Officer,’ Lee-Anne replied. ‘Also, since your phones know your location and other people’s by GPS, anyone standing too close to a colleague will immediately trigger an alarm.’
‘I take it you mean that literally,’ said Grafton, sampling some dairy-free cheese.
‘Oh, yes, it’s a like a police siren,’ said Wayne cheerfully, putting down his phone and turning to Lee-Anne. ‘The Canadians are on board.’
‘Super!’ said Lee-Anne, causing Grafton to stop in mid bite, having never heard Lee-Anne use that particular term before. Lee-Anne then added, ‘Shall I tell Mum and Daddy?’
‘Why not?’ said Wayne magnanimously.
Lee-Anne took a deep breath as if she were about to announce something monumental, which it kind of was. ‘Wayne is about to launch the first space cruise.’
‘How exciting,’ said Janet. ‘You mean, actually taking people into space?’
‘Yes,’ said Wayne. ‘It’s going to be the biggest industry this century, space tourism.’
‘Isn’t that …’ said Grafton, idly looking across at Kiki who was holding Justice in her lap.
Suddenly he felt a poke in the arm. He turned to look at Janet who whispered, ‘Don’t stare.’
‘What?’ mumbled Grafton. Janet frowned a disapproving frown which confused Grafton until he turned back again and realised with a shock what his bad eyesight had not initially revealed: the nanny was breast-feeding the baby. Lee-Anne, seeing his shock, jumped in to placate.
‘It’s okay, she’s a wet nurse. That’s why I got her. What were you going to say, Daddy?’
‘I, er –’ Grafton stammered recollecting his thoughts ‘– was going to say, isn’t that what whatsisname Richard Brainstorm and Efrem Muskrat are planning? Taking people to other planets?’
‘No,’ said Wayne, smiling derisively. ‘Brainstorm just wants to take people up out of the atmosphere and bring them back. Jesus, you can do that in a supersonic plane. And Muskrat wants to build a colony on Mars. It’s eighty degrees below zero and there’s no oxygen. He’s insane. What we’re building is the interplanetary version of a cruise ship. It’s a two-month interplanetary voyage in first-class luxury accommodation. You fly round the moon, and round Venus and back. One day we will include Mars if it’s on our side of the sun. And you see it all from the comfort of our viewing lounges. Five-star meals, nightly entertainment, and all the comforts of home while you travel a hundred million miles.’
‘That sounds wonderful,’ said Janet.
‘Expensive, I presume,’ said Grafton casually.
Lee-Anne and Wayne both seemed to light up at this question. Lee-Anne looked to Wayne for reassurance. ‘Do you want to tell them?’ she said.
Wayne smiled a Cheshire cat smile. ‘One hundred million dollars a ticket,’ he said.
‘My goodness,’ said Janet laughing. ‘That lets us out.’
‘Not necessarily,’ said Lee-Anne in a slightly cryptic tone.
‘That might sound like a lot,’ said Wayne, ‘but let me tell you: there are over three thousand billionaires in the world. A hundred mill is loose change to them. We’ll have no trouble filling the ship.’
‘How many will it carry?’ asked Grafton.
‘Two hundred and forty cabins – about four hundred people per voyage,’ said Wayne.
As Grafton cogitated on this, Wayne answered the question Grafton had posed for himself but was slow in working out.
‘Forty billion dollars per trip,’ he said. He leant back and nibbled on a slice of asparagus bread while his parents-in-law digested this fact.
‘And … when are you going to start building this … space ship?’ said Janet.
‘It’s being built as we speak,’ said Wayne.
‘It must be very large,’ suggested Grafton. ‘How will you …’
‘Get it off the ground?’ said Wayne with a sense of mischievous joy. He laughed slightly. ‘Ahh, we have devised a way,’ he said quietly as if they might be overheard there in the Everests’ backyard.
‘It’s really brilliant. Wayne is a genius,’ said Lee-Anne.
They waited to see if Wayne was going to explain further but he sat pat for a moment. ‘Okay, I’ll tell you,’ he said with just the slightest drop in volume as if Efrem Muskrat might be in the garden shed listening.
‘Up in space we’ve built a base. It’s a power plant with eight arms sticking out like spokes