29
Cooler outside today, so we spent all day running around the yard and up and down the tree. We got so tired we fell asleep in a bundle like we used to when we were smaller. It was lovely to hear everyone purring. Stripy Two purrs the loudest.
Mum wasn't in the box with us. She's been spending more time with our humans and less time with us lately. I asked her why today and she said, Look, I need some time by myself. And you're all big cats now. You don't need me any more. No idea what she meant by that.
30
Today was the worst day of my life. And I'm so upset and miserable I don't know what to say.
First two other humans I'd never seen before came and put Stripy One and Two in a box and took them away.
Then my humans stuffed me in a box and put me-in-the- box into a scary and noisy bad-smelling thing, that wobbled funny and made me slide all around.
Then, when some other humans took me out of the box, I didn't think I was at home any more.
And they put me in a wire cage!
This place smells really bad: fear, distress and something totally weird. There are other cats here and they're all in cages too. Some of them just sit there and don't say anything. Others at least make eye contact, but all they're saying is, Look, I know it's bad but maybe things will get better.
That's no help to me at all. I miss Mum and Black Kitten and Stripy One and Stripy Two and suddenly my world has fallen apart.
And I've got nothing to do all day but sit in my cage and cry. I cried a couple of times but the others asked me to stop because I was only upsetting everybody else. And of course I did, because I guess we're all in this together.
What will become of us? What's going to happen now? The only good thing about our cages is that there's food and water and a litter tray in every one. I don't think they're going to be cruel to us here, but I'm so upset and very lonely.
And Mum didn't even say goodbye! She just looked at me when the humans were carrying me away and didn't say a word. I think she looked sad.
Black Kitten was watching me, and she said goodbye to me. She sounded really sad too. She was staying there from the look of things. Why couldn't I stay too? I hate this place.
I didn't think I was going to get any sleep at all, but eventually I drifted off. I was listening to the other cats breathing. They're telling me we have to stay calm and be brave. And they're right. I'm being brave but I don't feel brave inside.
DECEMBER
1
It wasn't as bad as yesterday. They took us out in the morning to some kind of yard. It's a bit boring but at least we got to run around a bit. I played with one of the others. He's a bit like Stripy One, with white patches. He's a lot bigger than me and he's in the next cage. He rubbed his nose against mine and told me about the place. He's been there for days and days, and most of the cats he remembers aren't there any more. Humans come and look in the cages and play with us and they take us home. Nobody stays here forever, he thinks. Either a family of humans takes us away with them, or the humans in the shining white coats take us somewhere else. I hope it's somewhere nice, I told him, and he said he hoped so too because he was getting the feeling he'd be going away soon. Play cute for the humans, he advised me. He didn't play cute and so nobody picked him. That's what Mum was trying to tell us, I think. You have to look cute and pretty and lively or the humans won't want you.
I asked him did we need to have humans and he said yes. Some cats live wild on the roads but you wouldn't want to. You saw them being brought in all thin with their fur all dirty and matted; and their eyes burn with anger, he told me. Humans belong with cats. They need us and we really need them.
What do they need us for? I asked him. We teach them to keep a light heart, he told me. I've seen humans who don't like cats and they are strange and wild. You wouldn't like them. We teach them to be gentle and wise and kind.
He was still talking to me when the humans in their white coats put us back in the cages. I liked him. He was a bit scruffy and he didn't smell all that good, to be honest, but he was a wise and gentle cat and I hoped some humans would pick him. And me! I didn't want to be here for days and days either.
2
Well, one of my wishes came true, because an old man came in. We all pricked up our ears (except for the cats who just sit there) and did our best to look cute. You could tell the man was really old because his fur was all white and he smelled old, but I thought he smelled nice and I liked his kind blue eyes. He knelt over my friend's cage and I saw the white coat woman shake her head. I pawed at my cage in frustration. What do you mean, head-shake? I wanted to yell at her. I know what head-shake means! That means you think he's no good! He's a fine cat and would make you a loving home, so there! But I didn't say any of this, of course. It would only upset everybody else. I angrily turned around in my cage and started to wash myself. I would have liked the old man for myself, actually, but he'd just tapped my cage lightly and whispered something to me. I don't know what it was but it sounded encouraging.
After I'd given myself a thorough wash I looked up again, and my friend's cage was open and the old man was holding him in his arms. I pointed my nose and sniffed, and my friend purred.
He's just given me a name, he said. Milo, whatever that is. Remember the name! When a human names you it means they promise to look after you. Good luck, my friend. The old man leaned over so Milo could touch noses with me. I touched his cold nose for a moment and looked away, embarrassed. I was very pleased for him. I knew about names. Mum was called Persephone. You'd hear the humans calling her name at dinner-time. I don't have a name, because nobody wants me. Yet. We'll see about that. Milo's old man had cheered me up no end, because if he could find a human to love him, then perhaps I can too.
3
Today was the worst day yet. They took me out of my cage in the morning and carried me into a really horrible room with a big shiny table. I was very scared, because the room absolutely reeked of fear. It was almost solid, and I struggled. But one of the humans sang to me and somebody put something sharp into me. I struggled some more but fell asleep. When I woke up I felt groggy all over, as if I'd been hit by a brick.
They've done something to me down near my tail. At first it just felt woozy but it started to hurt after a while. And they've put funny thread into my fur. I suppose it's because they've cut me and they have to hold the wound together. As I got more awake they put me back with the others. No one wants to talk about it, but apparently everyone has it done to them here. I calmed down a bit because one of the cats said it would stop hurting tomorrow. I believed him, because he showed me his scar there and it was all healed up. It's worse for the girls. One of them rolled onto her side and showed me her belly. They really have cut into her and she looks very sore.
Two more cats got picked today. A lot of humans came through, but a lot of them didn't even look at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I must be doing something they don't like. hit by a brick.
4
Today wasn't so bad. My scar still hurts but not nearly as much. Someone nice-looking looked at me through my cage so I touched noses with her. The other humans in the white coats opened my cage and picked me up and gave me to the woman. I liked her face. She smiled and sang to me and I remembered about being cute so I started playing with her. I felt her go all tense and when I looked at one of her hands it was covered in scratches. There was a little blood,