How to Communicate With People in Any Situation: The Art of Effective Persuasive Communication. Harold J. Winfrey

a communication barrier, it can cause problems. You need to know how to identify these barriers so that you can dismantle them.

      When you know what barriers to look for and how to handle them, you will be able to have even more success with the methods in the rest of the book.

      Knowing how to communicate is half the battle, knowing how to handle communication problems is the other problem.

      This section will help you learn how to identify and handle various barriers that are keeping you from being successful with your communication efforts.

      Criticizing

      When we criticize, we are judging. When speaking, you need to be careful to avoid being critical in the wrong way. Another barrier is how you respond to being criticized.

      Usually, criticism stems from an actual desire to help; it is just poorly phrased. Learn to give constructive criticism, which will foster communication instead of pushing others away.

      Labeling

      Another method of judging is when we label others. Labels are a sign of prejudice and bias and are unfair to use. You do not like being labeled, so do not label others. When you do so, they will shut down to being receptive to what you are saying.

      Psychoanalyzing

      Nobody likes to be told what “their problem is.” When you attempt to analyze the actions or motives of somebody else, it is still judging. You might have the best of intentions, but this is a very negative thing to do to others. Telling people how they are is bad; trying to get to know them better is not.

      False Praise

      They say that flattery gets you everywhere, but that is the opposite of what is true. False praise makes you look desperate and fawning.

      You need to learn to praise without overdoing it. Learn to boost people up by highlighting their positives but without going overboard.

      If you want people to listen to you, you need to be likable, and genuine, which means no false praise! You get caught in one lie, and then nobody will ever believe anything that you say.

      Demanding

      Your job as a communicator is to offer solutions, not to take charge. Demanding that your way is the only way is a sure fire way to break down any effective communication!

      You need to learn how to listen and suggest without demanding. You do not want to be told what to do, so why would you tell others?

      Veiled Threats

      When you dominate a conversation by making veiled threats, which is intimidation. You will never connect with people by trying to intimidate or by making threats, implied or otherwise.

      Great communicators never say, “If you don’t do this….” Then list consequences. People do not want to be forced into making decisions, learn how to steer them towards your way of thinking without making any veiled threats about what will happen if they do not.

      Question Everything

      When you question everything that is said to you, or worse, when you question the reasons of others or their motives, it is destructive communication.

      When you rapid fire off questions to everything that is said to you, it is an effective way of making the communication only one way.

      Frame your questions carefully when you speak, you do not want to come off as disdainful. Remember, your tone is as important as your words so be careful when asking questions.

      Imposing Morals

      What you feel to be right or wrong is irrelevant when it comes to communicating. You cannot impose your morals to others as the only way to go. We all perceive events differently so just because you see something as one way, does not mean that everybody does.

      You need to learn how to have conversations with people with opposing viewpoints without imposing your moral belief upon them. You can problem solve without forcing your morals upon others.

      Avoiding

      When you end up trying to shift a conversation off of a topic, or try to offer reassurances without addressing the issue, that is avoiding. When you take these tactics, it comes off as if you have something to hide.

      Effective communication is based partially on trust, if the other person feels that they cannot trust you, they will stop talking to you. Open and honest communication is always the best policy.

      Those are the main communication barriers that you have to be aware of. These are common things that we do when we talk to others but we may not know it because we are not trying to be negative but it comes off as that way.

      Remember, it is not what you say that is important; it is how the other person understands the message that means you have communicated correctly.

      Communication is so much more than just having something to say, the other person has to correctly grasp the message that you are giving them.

      When you use any of the above methods, it blocks your communication from being at the level that it needs to be. Instead of a connection, you get distrust and that will mean that you will never be persuasive and will not be a people magnet.

      Successful people are very much aware of the pitfalls of these communication barriers and are very careful to avoid them.

      They also know just what to say when somebody else uses these communication barriers. You need to be aware of these so you do not end up using them.