“No,” I thought to myself, “I didn’t know that.”
“I didn’t think so,” he said.
Now I knew he was talking to me.
“Our children are killing one another. They’re having babies and they’re no more than babies themselves. They’re using drugs, drinking alcohol and doing everything adults do without the benefit of having matured beyond their adolescence. In many cases, they haven’t even reached puberty yet.” Dylan paused, lowering his eyes as if he were lamenting some great personal loss. When he went on, his voice was different. It was soft, soothing, and measured as if he were reciting a gentle prayer.
“There was a time,” he said, “when the most important ideal in American society was family. We worked hard to take care of the family. We studied hard in school, not necessarily for ourselves, but so we wouldn’t embarrass the family or bring disrepute to the family name, but mostly to make our parents proud. Children were careful not to do things that would discredit themselves. Our behavior and that of our children was important because of the significance it bore to the respectability and maintenance of our good family name.
“It was also important that we respected and looked out for our friends and neighbors. It was a secondary ideal to family, but we cared deeply about our neighbors. We were willing to alter our behavior so that our neighbors wouldn’t feel compelled to tell our parents of some misdeed we’d engaged in. We felt a deep caring and a responsibility for our friends and neighbors. As we matured, we watched out for the neighbors’ children, providing them with a place to stay if their parents were late getting home. We scolded them for exhibiting behaviors we knew wouldn’t meet with their parents’ approval. We naturally watched each other’s homes and regularly talked to one another over the backyard fence. It wasn’t a burden, but rather a pleasure, to help a friend or neighbor. And it was an honorable thing to do.
“Lastly,” Dylan’s voice began to rise and change in timbre ever so slightly, “we thought of self. We did things for ourselves that we knew wouldn’t hurt others and were consistent with the values of the community. We had an awareness of the significance and importance of the rights of others and did everything we could to ensure we didn’t infringe on those rights.” He began to speak more forcefully, with greater passion and conviction. “Our happiness was dependent, to some degree at least, upon the happiness of our family, friends and neighbors. As children, we felt a sense of pride when someone said, ‘that’s So-and-So’s child.’ As parents, we enjoyed having someone comment on how well-behaved and well-mannered our children were.” He spoke as if he were talking to his closest friend. “There seemed to be an understanding regarding the importance of discipline,” he said, “not merely the punitive interpretation, but the concept of self-control and self-regulation. We seemed to be more giving, less selfish and more selfless.
“Over the years, we’ve witnessed an inversion of that model.” His voice rose in volume and intensity. “We no longer view family as the most important ideal. I fear we’re seeing shades of the sixties. You see, we now generally view the self as most important, followed by friends and neighbors. And now, peer relationships have emerged as a distinctly separate phenomenon that allows for the imposition of an external group’s values on others. This is particularly true for adolescents, and it affects them in ways that have had a dramatic and deleterious impact on our young people.” The chief’s voice thundered off the walls and he pounded his point home with his fist into an open palm.
“We’re preoccupied with self-interests. Our overriding concern is how what we’re doing makes us feel. What’s in it for me? If someone else benefits from what I do, how do I ensure I get my cut? Now, I’m not suggesting that this is reflective of all of society. Not everyone has become so hedonistic. There are exceptions, although not nearly as many as may be necessary, to once again reverse this destructive tendency.
“We must once again recognize and revere our families as important structures for building a healthy society. The family communicates, in a variety of ways, the values and expectations that help mold an individual’s sense of conscience. I’m not making any statement nor am I implying anything about the form ‘family’ must take. I’m merely asserting the importance of family to the building of a healthy community.
“You see, approximately 70 percent of the women in this country are working mothers with school-age children. More than twelve million of those are single and the heads of households. While the number of men who are single parents is smaller—only about three million—it’s the fastest growing family unit in America. More than three-quarters of the single working parents in this country experience conflicting demands between work and home. But what’s important here is that these single-parent households are significant family units.
“It hasn’t been demonstrated, at least not to my satisfaction, that a traditional structure is any more effective than any other family configuration. What has been demonstrated, however, is the significance of family as a tremendous force in determining how people ultimately behave. In the absence of a family structure that adequately serves a person’s communal needs, individuals will either create one or substitute an existing alternative structure to fill the void.
“The most salient example of familial substitution is the street gang. Gangs often act as surrogates for individuals who have limited family interaction and who are in need of the kind of caring and commitment one usually finds in a family. The gang is also the only social structure that has managed to reverse the social model I just mentioned. Ask any gang member what he or she is willing to do for the gang—their ‘family’—and they’ll invariably tell you they’re willing to die for it. Some of us aren’t even willing to dial 911. We just don’t want to get involved.
“‘What does this have to do with policing?’ you ask. Everything! Policing is community building. Over the years the public, as well as most police, have come to believe that what the police do is law enforcement. Well, that’s part of it. But that’s only one small part of what we do. The larger part of the job is helping to build community, to prevent criminal incidents, and to ensure the public peace and tranquility. Merely catching bad guys and locking them up isn’t enough. We have to do what’s necessary to stop people from becoming bad guys in the first place. We have to create long-term solutions that deal with the root causes of a problem and not just its symptoms. Where does that start? It starts with our children and providing them with safe, secure places to learn and grow mentally, spiritually, and physically.
“Our children find themselves, with ever greater frequency, in situations where, for one reason or another, their parents aren’t around. They’re being asked to raise themselves. There are increasing numbers of ‘latchkey kids,’ situations where both parents work outside of the home and single-parent households.
“Children need to feel they belong. They need a sense of family. Having a nice home, good clothes and eating regularly isn’t enough. In the absence of a strong family unit, children look for a substitute. It may be attaching themselves to a close friend, a group of friends, or a gang, or perhaps the child will withdraw, learning to depend and trust only him or herself. Children left to their own devices will find ways to take care of and entertain themselves, sometimes in ways that cause them significant distress. This can lead to greater difficulties within the society if it’s not appropriately dealt with early on. Prevention, not apprehension, that’s the key!
“Our children have to feel more secure in the home than they do on the street. There must be a willingness on the part of the community to accept more responsibility in the raising of our children. It really does ‘take a village to raise a child.’
“Children are getting more and more information from sources outside the family structure. That makes family interaction and community even more critical. Our children are going to make mistakes. There will be instances where a child will struggle. We must be willing to show compassion and forgive their transgressions. We have to nurture them to ensure they can become useful, productive citizens. Indeed, we must be willing to do the same for every member of our society.