Communication and Interpersonal Skills. Erica Pavord

So, through observation and experience we pick up on our parents’ values and they become part of our makeup. For example, a child whose parents value cleanliness has her hands and face wiped many times a day. She is told not to pick things up and not to put them in her mouth, she is encouraged not to make a mess with her toys and not to get her clothes dirty. It is easy to see why cleanliness becomes a deeply rooted value and how that child, on becoming a community nurse in adulthood, might find it very challenging to visit a patient in their home which is messy, chaotic, dusty and dirty. She might find it hard to hide her shock or disapproval and communicate this clearly to the patient, who then feels judged and uncomfortable.

REFLECTION 2.2

      How would you, as an interested observer, respond to the following situations?

       The daughter of an elderly man in a care home phones once a month to check how her father is.

       A father tells his 6-year old son that he has to practise the violin for at least three hours a day.

       A child comes to school with a creased and dirty uniform most days.

       A family have a picnic by the side of a river and leave their rubbish there when they leave.

      If possible, discuss these situations with other people. How much do your responses differ? What do you notice about your own values and how similar or different they are to the values of others?

      Values are not static, they are influenced by experiences throughout our lives and can change significantly as we grow up and form our own identities. Some are deeply entrenched and we defend them fiercely. As we grow up our values are influenced by our culture, which might be shared by those of our family but might be very different. Our cultural identity may be based on heritage, individual circumstances and personal choice and is affected by many different factors: our age, gender, ethnicity, religion, language, country of origin, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, occupation and more (AAMC, 1999). All these factors influence our values and in turn influence the way that we communicate with others.

      It is more often in the workplace that we find our values are challenged, as in our personal lives we are more able to choose to spend time with people who are similar to us. Think about a gay male nurse who has, through experience, fought hard for acceptance and equality in both his family and professional life. He values tolerance and acceptance, the freedom to choose and to express himself as he wishes to. He comes across a patient who uses unpleasant and homophobic language. How might his values be challenged? How far should he tolerate the intolerant and how should he communicate with this patient in an ethical and effective way? Unfortunately there are no definitive answers to these questions but they are always present and must be considered when working in any profession that requires us to form good relationships with others. Chapters 5 and 6 will offer some ideas about how to deal with situations like these.

      Our education, friends, peer groups and our workplace play a significant part in the forming of values which might be different from those of our culture and family. When children reach two or three years of age they often start nursery and so voices outside the family start to be heard. Whereas they have until then been influenced perhaps solely by their family, nursery workers and other children start to become important. Sharing and caring for others will be values promoted strongly in early years settings and if these are similar to those promoted at home, they become assimilated into the child’s way of being even when these values are at odds with the child’s natural egocentricity. Schools and work settings tend to value hard work, conscientiousness and being a team player and students/workers who adhere to those values tend to do well and receive positive feedback.