Special Praise for Everyday Narcissism
“This book gives us a new and very helpful way to look at narcissism. It reminds us of truths we already knew or suspected but have discounted or forgotten. Everyday Narcissism is an easy read, and it is filled with help, good will, and hope. I am wildly enthusiastic about the book!”
Jean Illsley Clark
Bestselling author of Self-Esteem: A Family Affair, Growing Up Again, and How Much Is Too Much?
“Everyday Narcissism unfolds a way to understand why we are the way we are and do what we do in relationships, even if it’s not good for us. Nancy Van Dyken exposes five erroneous myths about a common perception that our needs will be met if we meet the needs of others first. She helps us understand what gives rise to these myths and offers lots of ways to address them, much to our benefit.”
Connie Dawson
Coauthor of Growing Up Again
“Everyday Narcissism is a spirited book that’s filled with useful insights and self-help suggestions. Nancy Van Dyken turns the growing problem of narcissism around by helping us look at ourselves, rather than judging everyone else. Her Five Myths, Feelings Lists, Needs List, and many easy activities focus the reader on practical steps anyone can take. By making it simple, Van Dyken helps us nurture ourselves while also paying better attention to our relationships.”
Bill Eddy
Coauthor of Splitting
“This little book offers its readers a BIG liberation! Wisely and sensitively crafted, Nancy Van Dyken examines EN—everyday narcissism—in an informed, honest, and nonjudgmental voice. This is a hopeful, positive gem of a book that I could not put down. I, for one, benefitted from its insights and am putting into practice its many lessons.”
Scherrie A. Foster
Professor of Communication, Fond du Lac Tribal and Community College
Central Recovery Press (CRP) is committed to publishing exceptional materials addressing addiction treatment, recovery, and behavioral healthcare topics.
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© 2017 by Nancy Van Dyken
All rights reserved. Published 2017.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
| Publisher: | Central Recovery Press3321 N. Buffalo DriveLas Vegas, NV 89129 |
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Van Dyken, Nancy, author.
Title: Everyday narcissism: yours, mine, and ours / Nancy Van Dyken; foreword by Anne Katherine.
Description: Las Vegas: Central Recovery Press, 2017.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017012630 (print) | LCCN 2017025417 (ebook) | ISBN 9781942094463 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Narcissism. | Self-actualization (Psychology) | Interpersonal relations. | BISAC: HEALTH & FITNESS / Healthy Living. | PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations. | SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Self-Esteem.
Classification: LCC BF575.N35 (ebook) | LCC BF575.N35 V36 2017 (print) | DDC 155.2/32--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017012630
Photo of Nancy Van Dyken by Peter Van Dyken. Used with permission.
Every attempt has been made to contact copyright holders. If copyright holders have not been properly acknowledged please contact us. Central Recovery Press will be happy to rectify the omission in future printings of this book.
Publisher’s Note: This book contains general information about behavioral healthcare matters and related issues. The information is not medical advice. This book is not an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider.
Our books represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date. To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people, places, and institutions in this book may have been changed.
Some of the text in this book previously appeared in a much briefer, self-published version, also entitled Everyday Narcissism, copyright © 2016 by Nancy Van Dyken. Portions of this book, in somewhat different form, were previously published in the author’s book Forgive Them . . . Are You Kidding? copyright © 2011 and 2012 by Nancy Van Dyken.
Cover design by The Book Designers. Interior design by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design.
I dedicate this book to my grandchildren, Sierra Jane and Juniper Mae, who teach me how to be with them without giving them everyday narcissism messages and how to explore their world without the constraints of everyday narcissism. You continue to teach me the joy of living and how to love with a totally open heart.
And to Kelsey Jane, my daughter, who, because of my deep love for her, continually inspires me to be a better person and mother.
The Five Myths of Everyday Narcissism
1. We are responsible for—and have the power to control—how other people feel and behave.
2. Other people are responsible for—and have the power to control—the way we feel and behave.
3. The needs and wants of other people are more important than our own.
4. Following the rules is also more important than addressing our needs and feelings.
5. We are not lovable as we are; we can only become lovable through what we do and say.
Table of Contents
Foreword Finding Your Way Back by Anne Katherine
Chapter 2 Everyday Narcissism vs. Clinical Narcissism