Looking for the combination to be her
And yet without depression and surprise:
So many of us wanted to be her,
So many of us the inheritor.
Greater Than or Less Than
Like us, she wanted to be good and true. Like us,
She wanted to be perfect, dedicated.
She wanted trauma too, enough to break us.
She would go all the way. Where it would take us
Was more than a boat, capsized, now empty, righted.
Like us, she wanted to be good and true. Like us,
She wanted to outdo the structure, premise.
She wanted it so much she would die for it.
She wanted trauma too. Enough to break us
Was just her getting started. Doubting Thomas,
She’d put her hand in, to understand it.
Like us, she wanted to be good and true. Like us,
She waited for the Publishers Clearing House
To declare her winnings. She knew she had won it.
She wanted trauma too. Enough to break us
Was the oven on, and breathing in the gas.
We balked, and took her sacrifice for granted.
Like us, she wanted to be good and true. Like us,
She wanted trauma too—and so broke us.
Winning
She didn’t like it when she didn’t win.
She was a realist and self-promotor.
She’d dominate each friendly competition:
Art, writing, camp; the sherry hour, new fashion.
People were taken aback. Not mediocre,
She didn’t like it when she didn’t win.
Ruthless and clear-eyed, she found the metered line
Had backing from the poets there before her.
She’d dominate each friendly competition
Because, for her, it took place with tradition
(And with the fawning of a courtier).
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