The Three Things Divorced Catholics Needs to Know. Mary Lou Rosien

guide me to the insights I need to help me find joy.

       Questions for Reflection

      1. What do I hope to find in this booklet?

      2. What am I struggling with the most following my divorce?

      Chapter One

      Understanding What the Church Teaches about Divorce

      Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

      — Proverbs 3:5-6

      “I broke a sacrament when I got divorced!” Those are the words of a faithful Catholic who thought she had let herself, her Church, and God down after her marriage fell apart. Many faithful suffer greatly not only due to the actual emotional pain of the ending of a marriage but also by complications due to misunderstandings of the Church’s teachings on marriage and divorce. Additional anguish can be experienced by Catholics who were trying to live their lives as a sacrament and think they have disappointed God by failing.

      To restore joy to these individuals, we must first look at what the Catholic Church actually teaches about marriage and divorce.

      The first distinction that the Catholic Church makes where marriage is concerned is the difference between what is legal (according to civil law) and what is valid. If a couple complies with the rules of a certain state regarding marriage, their marriage is civilly legal. Should that marriage end and the correct paperwork be filed, that couple is legally divorced.

      The Church considers the Sacrament of Matrimony a marriage between a man and a woman making a vow and conferring the sacrament on each other, with the witness of a priest or deacon along with two other witnesses. This is a higher call to a vocation of marriage rather than just a legal standing in the community. That is why the Church teaches the permanence of Christian marriage.

      To enter into this sacrament of marriage, the couple must examine and agree to several Church teachings:

      1. The individuals must be “free” to marry in the Church. There cannot be any coercion, pressure, or outstanding commitments (such as a previous marriage that has not been annulled) that would preclude the individuals from marrying.

      2. The couple must understand the Church’s teaching on the permanence of marriage.

      3. Each individual must have clarity on what total faithfulness to the other entails. For example, there cannot be a connection to anyone or anything that would threaten that faithfulness (old girlfriend or boyfriend, pornography addiction, internet relationship, etc.).

      4. The betrothed are expected to be open to life, have a desire to be “fruitful,” and possess full knowledge of Catholic teachings on sexuality and procreation.

      If any of these elements is not present or is disguised at the time of the marriage ceremony, the marriage may be annulled, declaring that the union did not exist. When a marriage is dissolved legally and one seeks a declaration of nullity, a Church tribunal can examine the union to see if a valid union really existed.

      But does the Church ever say that a separation or ending of the marital union is acceptable? The Catechism of the Catholic Church (Section IV: Offenses against Marriage) addresses the subject of divorce in the following way:

      2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.

      Between the baptized, “a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.”

      2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.

      If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.