He said, “You will starve.”
I was shocked, embarrassed and hurt. Never before had I ever heard anything but encouragement. I defended my position as best I could, yet he did not change his view based on his experience of what it would take to succeed.
The next few days I was frustrated and depressed. I did a lot of exploring what I was experiencing through writing about what happened to get clarity on why he said what he said. It was not because his love for me had changed. It was because he did not believe that he could do what I proposed. He was trying to protect me. He got into the industry a traditional way, after putting his time in at a normal job, after completing his undergraduate, graduate and post-graduate degrees.
The courage to explore why it happened, to still believe in myself and to choose for myself was the most courage I have mustered up until that point. It was courageous, not just because of what he said, but because of the hundreds of obstacles I would have to overcome. I was in my mid-twenties with practically no money, no credibility, no content, no mentors. However, my conscience kept telling me to have courage because I knew it was what I was supposed to do.
That meeting was a turning point for me. I had to dig deep and really commit to my path. Yet at the same time, I knew the value of listening to the experience of someone who knew far more about what was ahead of me than I did. I had to figure out what was really going on for me. I had to become present to where I was really at, not just where I wanted to be or where I would end up eventually if I took this path, but to be aware of and present to that moment.
I had so many experiences where I felt like I was doing what I was born to do. This was what I should be doing. I also had many experiences with my mentor believing in me. I was able to separate the lie from the truth. What was so painful was the lie that he did not believe in me, that he was not supporting me, that somehow I was less than what he thought I should be. These were all lies that I had created in my own head. I made my own pain. It hurt so badly because it wasn’t true. The truth is that if I chose the path I explained to my mentor, it would be a hard road. The truth is that it would take years to make the money I would need to support my family on that individual business plan.
It is incredibly painful when we believe that something is wrong with us and we are alone. I have had plenty of other experiences where people who did not believe in me told me that what I was doing made no sense. Those experiences gave me feedback to change. Not that what people said was always accurate, but that there may have been something in it that I did not see before.
What it all boils down to is that our experiences either take us to a place of trying to protect ourselves or to progress. It is up to us to choose to use our experiences to progress, to learn from our experiences, to learn from the experiences of others. That can mean following their example or to know that is what you do not want to do.
My guess is that you are presently having experiences where you feel that others think something is wrong with you, and perhaps where you actually think something is wrong with you.
If I only…. If they only…?
My guess is that you are presently having, or have had, experiences where you feel alone, where you do not fit in.
I am too… I will never…
What if the problem was only in the way you were choosing to experience those things? What if the problem could be solved, even if no one else changes?
The first step to solving a problem is to know what the problem is. The second step to solving a problem is to know how to know how to solve it. The third step to solving a problem is to put energy into solving it.
The reason we keep having the same problems over and over in our lives is because we don’t know what the problem is, step one. Yep, I said it. I don’t think you know why you are having the problems you are having. It took me years of going against the grain, not believing that the current solution was working, to get to the root problem, which brought about a different solution, step two. I will give you everything you need for steps one and two. Your responsibility is to complete step three and put energy into solving it.
In the next two sections I will outline the problem and the solution. The rest of the book is there to support you in putting your time and energy into choosing your experience.
My Invitation and Challenge
I invite you to learn, apply and share the 5 Habits to Lead from Your Heart and the head-to-heart principles. Much of this material may seem familiar and foundational—it is. That is why it works. You are already choosing to do it at some level—to choose to create the results you want in your life. After reading this book, you will know how to choose to consciously create change, but ultimately you must choose to do it.
Section 1 will lay the foundation to use the head-to-heart framework. Section 2 will use the head-to-heart framework as a tool to have you experience the 5 habits. These 5 habits allow you to lead from your heart and will give you everything you need to know to get out of your head and express your heart. I have put together additional tools and resources for you at www.5Habits.me so you can keep experiencing the process of going from your head to your heart long after reading the book. It is the best way to take the practices and principles of the book and personally experience them.
The plays at the end of each chapter ask questions and give an example encouraging you to create your own experience. Try the principles for yourself—test them to see if they allow you to choose to be you—your best self—and share them with others.
SECTION 1
Learn to Shift from Head to Heart
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
~Confucius
We are born to play the game of life leading from our heart.
From the movie Jerry McGuire:
JERRY: All right, I’ll tell you why you don’t have your ten million dollars. Right now, you are a paycheck player. You play with your head, not your heart. In your personal life, heart. But when you get on the field, it’s all about what you didn’t get. Who’s to blame. Who underthrew the pass. Who’s got the contract you don’t. Who’s not giving you your love. You know what, that is not what inspires people! Shut up! Play the game, play it from your heart.
ROD: No heart?! I’m all heart!
Like Rod, you may think that you are “all heart” and are worth millions more than you are being paid; however, you may be stuck in certain habits of the head that hold you back.
Once, you and I were all heart. As children, we played at life in the present with a sense of our potential. As we aged, however, we tended to shift out of our heart and into our heads—and then tried to drive forward by looking in the rear-view mirror, back toward the past.
Being in our Heads
“For every thousand hacking at the leaves, there is one striking at the root.”
~Thoreau
The root problem is that we play from the past, from our previous experience and from our head, not leading from our heart. In this book, I try to strike at the root problems you face in life—the things that keep you up at night, the things that have haunted you for years.
Our root problems are not due to lack of information—they are based on what we choose to experience. We tend to think that information alone will solve our problems—that