Elza. I’ve had problems being wedged in since childhood. Whenever I washed my hair in the sink of a cheap hotel, I usually got my head caught between the faucet and the sink basin. The drain was plugged and the water still running and it rose up to my nose and mouth.
On the way to school, in the back of the tram by the window, I leaned against the railing, which followed the wall of the tram car at about a 10-centimeter distance. While I was talking, I stuck my arm in between. When I wanted to get off, I realized that I couldn’t pull my arm out. The elbow was too wide. I was wedged in.
“Don’t panic. Don’t panic, said a group of Polish tourists who were riding with me. The driver closed the door in people’s faces and laughed. The Polish people prayed quietly. With every movement, my elbow grew bigger.
The moment they sent Elza to write about the opening of the 3D cinema, she thought of Ian. A few years earlier, he would have been the first to go there, so that his eyes would be opened. A 3D cinema has a three-dimensional screen. The trick is based on shifting the vision of one eye in relation to the other. Since 1999, Ian has only seen out of his right eye. But Elza knew that even if he couldn’t be amongst the first viewers, he would surely catch the news in time that this cinema—useless for him—was opening. Because since childhood, Ian had been buying reams of newspapers and magazines. He looked forward to them with unbridled excitement and flipped through them endlessly. Columns and towers of them piled up in his room. He couldn’t part with them. In every old magazine it seemed to him there was something extremely interesting that warranted keeping, and he didn’t want to give or throw it away. “It’s all information,” he said to Elza. “I might need them one day.”
And Elza admits that Ian truly did always know a ton of interesting facts. While she roasted a chicken, he talked to her about the newest theory of the origin of the universe, about the problems cloned sheep suffer from, about the main character’s fate in the documentary film Nanook or about a quite new Irish band that had suddenly sold more albums at home than U2.
And while she’s taking the chicken out of the oven, Ian says: “And they’re opening a 3D cinema here tomorrow. But they definitely won’t show any high-quality films. Just some circus attractions, don’t you think?” Ian asked and answered himself.
Elza. Ian is mine. Ours. We kiss as if it were the first time. Like the first couple who ever kissed. We’re a being with one body, two tongues, and three eyes.
At the 3D cinema they were showing a film about dinosaurs. After it finished, Elza never went back to work. Observers considered it to be a stylish end to a career.
In two days she was surprised by a café full of colleagues.
They came to Café Hyena to say good-bye.
“Shoot,” Elza wanted to say, shocked.
“Shit,” she said instead, unconsciously.
1Láadan is a language created in 1982 by Suzette Haden Elgin intended to better express women, whose viewpoints were felt to be shortchanged in many Western languages compared with those of men.
2Jánošík is a character from a Slovak legend similar to Robin Hood.
III
KALISTO TANZI
Elza. Together we ate grapes and washed them down with rosé. The next day I discovered a moist grape stem in my pocket. It looked like an undecorated Christmas tree.
Kalisto Tanzi vanished from the city, which had been hit by a heat wave. The heat radiated from the houses and streets, burning people’s faces, and the scorching town seared its brand onto their foreheads.
I stopped in front of the theatre window so I could read Kalisto’s name on the posters and confirm to myself that he actually did exist. I enjoy pronouncing his name, which tormented him throughout childhood and puberty and only stopped annoying him after my arrival. I walk slowly to the other end of the city, the muscles in my legs shake slightly in the hot air. It’s noon. The only things on the planet that are really moving are drops of sweat. They run down to the base of the nose and then spurt out again under my hair.
I’m going to buy poison.
Ian saw a rat in the crapper last night.
The rat-catcher has a wine cellar underneath his store. Underground we escape the unbearable heat and drink. He’s telling me how intelligent the rats are.
“They have a taster, who tastes food first. When it dies, the others won’t even touch the bait. So we now offer the next generation of rat bait. The rat only begins to die four days after consuming the poison. It dies from internal bleeding. Even Seneca confirmed that this sort of death is painless. The other rats think their compatriot has died a natural death. But even so, if several of them die in a short time, they’ll evaluate the place as unacceptable because of the high mortality rate and move elsewhere. This gift of judgment is completely missing in some people, or even whole nations.”
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