“Okay. Have they asked any questions?”
“Mia thinks we are having a sleepover at Mom and Dad’s and Jenna only knows that we are having problems. I prefer you not tell them the truth. They’re too young to know and probably wouldn’t understand anyway.”
“Okay . . . ah, Ka -”
I cut him off.
“Aaron, I’m too hurt to talk right now. I’ll see you when you pick the girls up.”
With that, I hung up the phone.
Knock, knock.
Fear, nervousness, anxiety - all went through me at once when I heard the knock at the door.
“Daddy,” the girls squealed when we answered the door and they saw Aaron. Tears filled his eyes as he got down on his knees and gave them a big hug.
Observing them, I couldn’t help but notice his appearance. His cute baby face was covered with a dark shadow of a beard, his eyes were sunken in and his body looked sick and frail.
“What time do you want me to bring them back?” he asked.
Looking the other way, I tried to act like I hadn’t been staring at him.
“Maybe around eight.” I answered, avoiding making direct eye contact with him.
“Okay.”
“You two be good. I’ll see you in a little bit,” I told the girls.
“You come with us Mommy,” Mia said as she tugged at my arm.
“No. Mommy’s going to stay here, but you, Daddy and Jenna are going to have so much fun, okay?”
“Mia do you want to play with my Barbies?” Jenna said to her in this cute big sister voice, which quickly distracted Mia from wondering why I wasn’t going with them.
I told the girls goodbye and they started making their way down the stairs. Aaron didn’t move but continued to stare at me nervously.
“We’ll see you in a little bit, okay?” he said.
I shook my head “yes” and shut the door.
Tick, tick, tick.
Lying on the couch with my feet propped up, I listened to what seemed like every click of the clock until eight o’clock finally rolled around. When I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, I got anxious and excited and couldn’t answer the door quickly enough.
Picking up Mia, I gave her a bunch of kisses on the cheek.
“I’m so glad you’re back! Did you miss me?”
“Yes,” she said as she wrapped her little arms around my neck in a tight embrace.
“Ahhhhh,” I said, a big smile coming to my face.
“Kate.”
Aaron said my name so softly that I didn’t know if he actually spoke it.
“Why don’t you two tell your dad goodnight.” I said, ignoring him either way.
“Night Daddy. We love you.”
“Night. Love you too and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Kate,” he said once more.
“Yes,” I said, looking him in the eyes for the first time since everything happened.
“Can we talk?”
I sighed. “I’m sorry but I’m not ready now. I need time.”
“I understand. Uh, can I at least have the girls for a weekend?” he asked.
“The entire weekend?”
Not having them for three hours tonight was torture. How would a whole weekend be?!
“Yes, please.”
“That’s fine, but can we do it next weekend?” I choked out.
He shook his head “yes”.
“Kate, I’m really sorry.”
“I can’t do this right now.”
I walked back into the apartment and closed the door before he saw me crying.
Later, as I lay there on the couch trying to go to sleep, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. While it’s nice to know he is sorry for what he has done, why hasn’t he said he wants to works things out? And why isn’t he begging me for my forgiveness?
Chapter 13
“I heard he’s been sleeping around on her for months!”
It was the end of the day on Friday, and school was finally done for the week. Stopping by the teachers’ lounge before leaving to go home, I found myself in the middle of a conversation between three teachers about me.
“Ah, ah,” Cindi, a nosey first grade teacher, stuttered.
There was an awkward and uneasy silence. I didn’t know what to say, but felt like I needed to do something, so I was the first to speak up. “If you heard that Aaron and I have separated, then you heard right,” was the only explanation I gave or was going to give.
“Kate, I’m so sorry,” said one of the teachers.
“Me too,” said the other teacher.
Cindi, whose face was still beet red for being caught talking about me, finally looked up from the floor. “I’m so sorry I was talking about you behind your back. Will you ever forgive me?”
Even though I was furious at her, I couldn’t ignore the genuine look of remorse in her eyes.
“I do forgive you, but please don’t do it again. Hearing people talk about me really hurts, and I don’t need any more pain in my life right now.” That was probably a little too harsh for me to say, but I didn’t care because it was the truth.
“I agree, and again, I’m really, really sorry,” Cindi repeated.
“I know you are and thanks.” With that, I turned and left.
A huge sigh of relief came out of me when I got home. I was relieved to have this week behind me, and all I wanted to do for the rest of the weekend was hide away up here from everybody. Saturday and Sunday disappeared and before I knew it, Monday morning was here. Hiding in the apartment all weekend long was wonderful, and I was able to fool myself into feeling like my life was still normal. But as I drove to work that morning, the denial and numbness wore off and reality and depression overcame me.
For the next week, I tried to keep up this strong persona on the outside, never showing any sadness, but on the inside, I was a mess. I had no appetite and had lost about ten pounds on my already thin frame. My nights were sleepless, while my days were filled with nothing but worry. I seriously felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
The dreadful weekend came and loneliness came over me after Aaron picked up the girls on Friday. Looking around the abandoned apartment, I knew I didn’t want to be here another second by myself.
I could go downstairs and hang out with Mom and Dad, but I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Or I could see what my sisters are up to, but they’re probably doing something with their families.
I sat on the couch thinking of more options. I finally decided to call Tina, a close friend of mine from high school. I hadn’t talked to her in person since everything happened, but we talked regularly via email and she knew what was going on with Aaron.
“So, how was it when the girls left?” she asked.
“Awful.”
“What are you doing now?”
“Sitting