“Surviving a life that’s found you endlessly walking the tightrope of survival is simply remarkable. Realizing God’s grace and goodness in it is profound. And accounting for it all in written word to challenge, encourage, and inspire others is a truly meaningful labour of love. With raw transparency, Kevin White walks readers through the dark worlds he’s known, ultimately to find the most radiant of lights awaiting at the end of each one.”
—Tim Huff, author, speaker, social-justice worker
“I was as moved by Kevin John White’s devastating and glorious story as I was by his manner of telling it—sometimes elegant and wise, at other times believably raw and unvarnished. Always leaning into meaning and grace, Dancing on a Razor is humbling and beautiful.”
—Steve Bell, singer-songwriter, author
“This is a story that God wrote through the pen of a modern-day wandering minstrel. In his faithfulness, God walked with Kevin through the valleys. Then, through the body of a small-town Presbyterian church, God reached into Kevin’s life and breathed in new hope—hope that he was afraid to believe in, but hope that proved to be trustworthy. This is a book of hope for the hopeless. Read it and weep. Read it and laugh. Read it and have hope. Real hope.”
—Julie Hill, BScN
“Our identity as believers is that we are found ‘in Christ,’ completely on the basis of his work on our behalf, and it has nothing to do with our performance. I once looked at someone like Kevin and saw a lifestyle that proved to me he wasn’t a believer. Kevin’s story in fact proves the exact opposite. He was loved and pursued as a child of God’s kingdom, even when it seemed he couldn’t have been farther from God. This runs absolutely counter to the programmed thinking that we maintain when we see ourselves as righteous compared to someone like Kevin.
“His story speaks powerful words of encouragement and deliverance to the person caught in a vice and having a hard time shaking it. Kevin’s story speaks even more to the church and says, ‘You are Kevin, and just like Kevin, there is hope for you too.’ This is what distinguishes Kevin’s story from all other ‘recovery stories.’ It is a convicting exposé of how much we all need a Saviour and how relentless that Saviour is toward us, in spite of ourselves, no matter what it is that holds us or what we are recovering from (even from our own self-righteousness). It is out of God’s love for us, extended to us through his Son, that he pursues us with such deliberate intent. We cannot hide from his love once it has us in its sights.”
—Steve Hill, MD, CCFP
“Kevin’s father, Dr. John White, once told me that God revealed to him before Kevin was born that Kevin would be a difficult son who would live the ‘razor’s edge’ life of addiction, which Kevin describes in this book. Incredible as these stories are, I know they are true, because I have lived with Kevin during his struggles. The stories point toward the preposterous grace and unfathomable mystery of a God who loves and shows mercy against all normal human understanding. Fasten your seat belt and hang on.”
—Helmut Boehm, co-founder of Wagner Hills Ministries, Langley, BC
“Dancing on a Razor by Kevin John White is a brutally honest account of one man’s battle with addiction while fighting the very solution that ultimately allows him to keep his condition in check. Especially now, when our country is faced daily with the overwhelming tragedy of narcotic abuse and overdose, this very personal story offers important insights into the condition that is addiction. It proves that in life there is always hope no matter how hopeless it appears to be.”
—John Rea, MD, CCFP, Huntsville, ON
“This is a remarkable book! It is a testimony that reveals an intimacy in the father-heart of God when his children experience his grace, his forgiveness, his reconciliation, and his restoration in their lives. In a revealing and transparent manner, Kevin describes his journey with such honesty and forthrightness that the reader almost becomes part of the journey. Kevin reveals how he was in the battle zone between Heaven and Hell and what it is really like to enter into the pit of hopelessness. Yet God never forgets about him. Dancing On A Razor is a graphic description of the power of God’s redemption in our lives—and shows that God really is a heart-reader more than a lip-reader no matter what we are going through. This book is for you!”
—Rev. Dr. Alistair P. Petrie, executive director of Partnership Ministries
“What a book! I know Kevin, and a story that I was part of actually made it into the final draft. As I read the book, I laughed and cried and got angry. Kevin draws out raw emotions from people through his stories and his life. He will not leave you ambivalent. Spending a few moments in the book is like sitting at a campfire listening to him weave his stories into a beautiful tapestry. In the 1930s we might have called him a hobo or a drifter. I call him a friend.”
—Randy Emerson, pastor, Cloverdale, BC
“Kevin’s account will stretch your understanding of the unfathomable love of Christ, his omnipotence, his omnipresence, and his compassion. Jesus paid the price to rescue the perishing, the hopeless, and the outcast; he is active 24–7 reaching out to those trapped in their circumstances. Kevin’s testimony will encourage countless parents with prodigals of their own to keep their confidence, to look to the one with all power and authority, and to keep their eyes on the horizon. Is it your prodigal or someone else’s on the way home?”
—James D Lunney, BSc, DC, retired MP, BC
“A minister of the gospel cannot always be recognized by outward appearance, title, position in the community, alma mater, piety, or exemplary lifestyle. Kevin is a very gifted minister of the gospel. He knows ‘200 proof grace,’ and I enjoy the blessing of God through him.”
—John Vanden Ende, police officer
“Kevin’s past 40 years truly illustrated God’s agape love in ways only he can do. One conclusion: GOD IS LOVE; indeed, HE IS PERFECT LOVE! I don’t need to doubt or fear anymore!”
—Lucy Cheung, pastor of Church of Zion, Surrey, BC
“Somehow, it seems that there’s something like a shadow, or perhaps it’s the Hound of Heaven, constantly stalking this journey—sometimes interfering, sometimes even speaking through our trailblazer, but never giving up in spite of Kevin’s giving up a thousand times.
“Somehow after 40 years of Kevin stumbling and clawing at hope … God shows up. Well, actually he doesn’t show up; it turns out he’s been there all along. Here we see a story that can only be appreciated if we acknowledge God’s faithful, superabundant, undeserved, relentless love and a mother’s tireless prayers for a wandering prodigal. Read it; be overwhelmed. It will activate your hope, but be careful—it might challenge your theology.”
—Albert Zehr, author, pastor of Church of Zion, Surrey, BC
DANCING ON A RAZOR
Copyright ©2019 Kevin John White
All rights reserved
Printed in Canada
ISBN 978-1-988928-10-4 Soft Cover
ISBN 978-1-988928-11-1 E-book
Published by: Castle Quay Books
Burlington, Ontario
Tel: (416) 573-3249
E-mail: [email protected] | www.castlequaybooks.com
Edited by Marina Hofman Willard and Lori Mackay
Cover design and book interior by Burst Impressions
Printed at Essence Publishing, Belleville, Ontario
All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form without prior written permission of the publishers.
Unless otherwise marked, Scripture is taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®). ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News