Respect in Everyday Life
The invitational leader is always aware that his or her success depends upon the people, and for this reason respecting others is a critical element of positive leadership. The question for the invitational leader is not: How can others make me a success? Rather, the question is: How can I summon my colleagues to reach their full potential? What happens above all else is that we begin to relate to others respectfully. Throughout his career, philosopher and psychologist John Dewey stressed the importance of respect in human relationships. Dewey maintained that the more democratic the group, the more the group experience builds on the unique perspectives and interests of its members, and the more the group experience becomes a source of fulfillment for all involved.
A simple but graphic example of respect in action was provided by a small sign we noticed at the entrance to an antique store.
If you accidentally break an item, we would hope that
you might purchase an item of equal or greater value
to offset the cost of the broken item.
Compare the above sign with:
YOU BREAK IT, YOU BOUGHT IT!
In another example, the following sign was posted at the entrance of a department store:
Please enjoy your food and drink before shopping with us.
This is much more diplomatic than:
NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED IN STORE.
A third example was provided by a tire service center:
Customers are welcome in the shop area.
Because your safety is important to us, we will
provide you with an escort and proper eye wear
before entering the shop area. Thank you.
This sign makes for a striking comparison with the usual:
KEEP OUT!
EMPLOYEES ONLY
Such signs are particularly frustrating when they appear on a restroom door.
As a further illustration of the significance of respect is an experience one of the authors had at a very large hotel and convention center:
I was part of a planning committee of an international organization to select a suitable location for a future conference. We visited a likely hotel and were shown all the fancy technology (screens that dropped from the ceiling, bedrooms with the latest electronics, etc.). The hotel was very impressive. After our planning committee was shown around the hotel and conference center by an eager sales manager, we said goodbye and departed. On the way out we stopped at the hotel coffee shop to have a cup of coffee and talk about the suitability of this hotel. When we went to purchase our coffee we noticed a big sign on the self-service coffee urn: NO REFILLS! We talked about that ugly sign at length. I’m sure it had an impact on our choice of another hotel for the international conference.
Very small things can sometimes mean a great deal.
A Historic Model of Respect
Thomas Jefferson— inventor, architect, astronomer, mathematician, anthropologist, and botanist (not to mention author of the Declaration of Independence) — was a living example of what it means to respect people and their opinions. Although he was born into a society that justified the abhorrent practice of slavery, he worked to abolish its practice and to encourage democracy.
When Alexander Hamilton and others questioned the ability of men and women to rule themselves, Jefferson never wavered in his respect for the self-directing powers of people to find their own best ways.
Jefferson’s commitment to reason and democratic practice is illustrated by an incident involving the Prussian Ambassador to the United States, Baron Alexander Von Humboldt. When the Baron entered Jefferson’s study and noticed on Jefferson’s desk a Federalist Newspaper which featured a scurrilous attack on him, Baron Von Humboldt asked, “Why do you tolerate such lies? Why don’t you shut down the newspaper and have the editors arrested?” Jefferson laughed and replied, “Mr. Ambassador, please take this newspaper and put it in your pocket. When you get back to Europe and they ask you whether or not there is freedom in the new nation, please take the paper from your pocket, show it to your friends, and tell them where you got it.” Jefferson believed that if the people made poor decisions, the remedy was not to take away their power but to educate them.
Another poignant example of respect is beautifully presented in George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, when Eliza Doolittle speaks to Colonel Pickering:
You see, really and truly, apart from the things anyone can pick up (the dressing gown and the proper way of speaking, and so on), the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she’s treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he treats me as a flower girl, and always will, but I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me like a lady, and always will.
Trust
Trust is defined as having confidence in the abilities and integrity of ourselves and others. Trust is critical to Invitational Leadership because it recognizes the interdependence of human beings. This interdependence is evident when we give a high priority to human welfare and when we have a willingness to trust one another. In Invitational Leadership, trust is a cooperative, collaborative activity where process is as important as product.
Trust is vital to human endeavor. Consider the many occupations, from fire fighters to military personnel, commercial airline pilots to medical staff, and mountain climbers to trapeze artists, who must have absolute trust in associates. Without trust, any progress would be extremely difficult. In fact, the level of trust is related to the creation of prosperity in a society. The importance of trust in a society is underscored by the words of American political scientist and political economist Francis Fukuyama:
One of the most important lessons we can learn from an examination of economic life is that a nation’s well-being, as well as its ability to compete, is conditioned by a single, pervasive cultural characteristic: the level of trust inherent in the society . . . The greatest economic efficiency was not necessarily achieved by rational self-interested individuals but rather by groups of individuals who, because of a pre-existing moral community, are able to work together effectively.
Establishing Trust
Following Fukuyama’s general rule, trust is created when an organization shares a set of values that creates expectations of regular and honest behavior. Further, as world-renowned leadership coaches Bennis and Nanus argue, if trust is to be developed in an organization, there must be predictability. Predictability is the capacity to anticipate the behavior of others. Another way of saying this is that organizations without trust would resemble the ambiguous nightmare of Kafka’s The Castle, where nothing could be certain and nobody could be relied upon or held accountable. The ability to predict outcomes with a high probability of success generates and maintains trust.
The vital importance of trust is evidenced by a series of studies on leadership practices in schools. These studies investigated the effectiveness of male and female educational leaders who practiced Invitational Leadership. In every study, the qualities of respect and trust were the most influential leadership qualities. Moreover, school principals viewed trust as the predominant influencing factor in their success.
Trust is established in predictable patterns of action, as opposed to a single act. It is created and maintained through sources