Chapter 9: Egocentricities
I realize that just because we have put on orange robes and beads, just because we may have left a whole way of life behind us in favor of being an ashramite, nothing essential will change until we become more conscious and wake up to the games our minds and our ego plays. ~ The author
I so enjoy the fairytale-like atmosphere of these days. Often as a group we evoke images of ancient masters and their disciples. In our flowing, brightly colored robes, long hair and beards, in a setting of lush green gardens, with music as a constant backdrop to our activities, there does seem to be a certain magic about. It is as though we are part of a stream, a theme that has run through man’s consciousness from long ago.
Toward the end of 1975 a sannyasin asks a question that makes me aware of the drama that we are playing out—or replaying—as disciples in the presence of a living master:
“When I reflect on Christ’s persecution two thousand years ago, I feel that in the meantime nothing much has changed in people’s attitudes toward a living messiah in their midst. Suspicion, cynicism and mistrust seem to be all around just as before. Could it be that you, too, one day will be persecuted by the establishment? Looking around the auditorium, I fancy that I can spot the Doubting Thomas, the John, the Simon Peter, Mary Magdalene, even Judas and the rest of the gang. Could this all be a live-action replay?”
‘Yes, the whole gang’ Osho responds, because the gang leader is here! Deep down, humanity remains the same.
When Jesus comes, the Doubting Thomases are bound to be there. When people who trust come, people who can’t trust also come. They create a contrast. And it is good; otherwise your trust will not be of much value. It becomes precious because of the Doubting Thomases around. You can compare, you can feel. You can see what doubt is, what trust is…. When a Jesus comes, a Judas is bound to be there because the whole thing is so tremendously significant that somebody is bound to betray it. It has such a great height that somebody is bound to feel very much hurt by it – the ego.
Judas was hurt very much. And he was not a bad man, remember. In fact, he was the only one among all of Jesus’ disciples who was well-educated, cultured, belonged to a sophisticated society and family. He was, of course, the most egoistic. The others were just fishermen, farmers, carpenters—people like that—ordinary people, from the ordinary rung of society.
Judas was special. And whenever somebody feels special there is trouble. He wanted to guide even Jesus. Many times he tried. And if you listen to him, there is a possibility that you will be more convinced by Judas than by Jesus; ordinarily your mind will agree with Judas. He seems to be perfectly right. He was a very cultured, polished man of manners—sophisticated, a thinker. And he betrayed. Only he could betray because on each step his ego was hurt. He always felt himself superior to all of Jesus’ disciples. He would always keep himself aloof; he would not move in the crowd. He was madly hurt.
Continuously Jesus was hurting their egos. A master has to, because if a master goes on pampering your egos then he will not be of any help; he will be poisonous. Because Judas was the most egoistic he was hurt more. He took revenge…
As the questioner has, I mentally review those of us around Osho, and wonder if betrayal can possibly be in the minds of any of us who purportedly love Osho and are devoting our lives to him. On another occasion Osho says that he will be betrayed by someone close to him. The truth, though ugly, is that just as we have within us the potential for the ultimate in consciousness, we also still carry with us—even if for the most part latent—jealousy, ambition, the desire for power, for recognition and being singled out as special; a sense of hierarchy and where we might fit into it, just as did the disciples around Jesus, Mahavira and Buddha. Perhaps it is part of the existential balance of life: where there is the ultimate in goodness, in awareness, there has to be a counterbalance of unconsciousness.
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